Anne Fine - Ivan the Terrible

And he’d been called up to stand on stage with everyone staring. I thought he must have panicked, and said something silly as a sort of joke, not realising that in our civilized school where everyone’s supposed to have good manners and a positive attitude, it wasn’t going to work, and everyone was going to end up staring at him even more.

Lowly shivering worms?

It’s pretty rude . I couldn’t let him get himself into everyone’s bad books so quickly.

So I just told them: ‘Ivan said, “Good morning, everyone”.’

I thought we’d get away then. I thought Mrs Blaizely would nod at us, and we’d troop off the stage. I’d tick him off (in Russian) and we’d start the day again.

But no such luck, because Ivan hadn’t finished. He stepped forward again.

‘No doubt you’ll all be half-witted enough to welcome me amongst you,’ he said (in Russian). ‘Your tiny, dim-bulb brains are simply not capable of seeing that I have secret powers which I intend to use to turn the whole pack of you into my slaves.’

He beamed and gave another of his smart bows. There was a pause. Then Mrs Blaizely glanced at me enquiringly. ‘Boris?’

I took a deep breath.

‘I am delighted to be here,’ I pretended to translate for Ivan. ‘I think this school looks very nice. And everyone looks very kind and friendly. I really hope I’ll settle in soon and make a whole load of new friends.’

‘That’s lovely,’ said Mrs Blaizely. She turned to Ivan. ‘And I’m sure everyone in this hall wants to join me in wishing you well and hoping you feel at home as soon as possible.’

Ivan turned to me. ‘What did she say?’

I wasn’t going to risk him coming out with another barrage of insults. So I looked Ivan in the eye and told him, ‘She said, “Watch your fat tongue, New Boy, or I’ll break off your arm and bash you with the soggy end.”’

I really hoped he’d look at Mrs Blaizely with a new respect. But he just grinned and walked down the steps from the stage.

Feeling a bit of a wally, I followed him.

End of Assembly. And thank heaven for that.

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