Anne Fine - On Planet Fruitcake

You can visit Anne Fine’s website

www.annefine.co.uk and download free bookplates from www.myhomelibrary.org

EGMONT

On Planet Fruitcake first published in Great Britain 2013 by Egmont UK Limited The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN

Text copyright © Anne Fine 2013

Illustrations copyright © Kate Aldous

The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted

First e-book edition 2013

ISBN 978 1 4052 6356 6 (paperback)

ISBN 978 1 4052 6357 3 (hardback)

eISBN 978 1 7803 1275 0

www.egmont.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Please note: Any website addresses listed in this book are correct at the time of going to print. However, Egmont cannot take responsibility for any third party content or advertising. Please be aware that online content can be subject to change and websites can contain content that is unsuitable for children. We advise that all children are supervised when using the internet.

For Kit, of course.

Cover

Title page

Copyright You can visit Anne Fine’s website www.annefine.co.uk and download free bookplates from www.myhomelibrary.org EGMONT On Planet Fruitcake first published in Great Britain 2013 by Egmont UK Limited The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN Text copyright © Anne Fine 2013 Illustrations copyright © Kate Aldous The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted First e-book edition 2013 ISBN 978 1 4052 6356 6 (paperback) ISBN 978 1 4052 6357 3 (hardback) eISBN 978 1 7803 1275 0 www.egmont.co.uk A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Please note: Any website addresses listed in this book are correct at the time of going to print. However, Egmont cannot take responsibility for any third party content or advertising. Please be aware that online content can be subject to change and websites can contain content that is unsuitable for children. We advise that all children are supervised when using the internet.

Dedication For Kit, of course.

1: Problem! 1

2: ‘Is something wrong with your brains?’ 2 ‘Is something wrong with your brains?’ That day it was really, really hot – far too hot to work. Miss Dove was starting a new project, all about travel. First, they made a list on the whiteboard of all the different ways there were of getting to other places. They’d called out all the easy ones like planes and cars and trains and feet and bicycles and buses, but Miss Dove was still standing waiting. She tried encouraging them. ‘I know you can come up with a few more! Let’s all try to think a bit more and a little harder. Come on, now. Who’s going to be the first to think of another one?’ Still nobody spoke. A bee buzzed in the window and then buzzed out again. Sarah flopped on her desk and spread her arms to try to cool herself. Paul picked up his workbook and used it as a fan. Miss Dove sighed. ‘What is the matter with you all?’ she said. ‘Is something wrong with your brains today? Why aren’t they working properly?’ ‘It’s too hot,’ Amari moaned. ‘And too stuffy,’ wailed Connor. Astrid hated hot weather. It made her hands go sticky and her plaits feel heavy. So when Miss Dove told Connor and Amari, ‘I don’t see why the weather makes a difference. I don’t see why you can’t just think ’, Astrid said grumpily, ‘You probably wouldn’t like it if we did.’ Miss Dove turned from the whiteboard. Gently she smiled. ‘Now you don’t really believe that, do you, Astrid?’ ‘Maybe,’ said Astrid. (She was in the mood to quarrel with anyone, even Miss Dove.) ‘Maybe if we began to use our brains a lot, we would start arguing with you. I don’t think you’d like that.’ Miss Dove beamed. ‘Of course I wouldn’t mind! It is my job to teach you how to think. So if you all began to think really hard about everything, I’d be delighted.’ Miss Dove let out one of her merry, tinkling laughs. ‘Why, Astrid, did you think I might get cross Or lose my temper?’ ‘You might,’ said Astrid. ‘Only if we lived on Planet Fruitcake!’ ‘Perhaps we do,’ said Astrid stubbornly.

3: On Planet Fruitcake 3 On Planet Fruitcake On Planet Fruitcake. Philip sat quietly, wondering what it meant. It sounded like some upside-down world in which teachers didn’t want anyone to have ideas of their own, and people like him put up their hands in class and joined in the discussions. It was a really strange idea. And he wasn’t the only one to think so. Clearly Miss Dove did too, because she was saying, ‘Of course we don’t live on Planet Fruitcake! And I’m so sure we don’t, I’ll make a bet with you. You can all use your brains and think for a whole day, and if I once get cross or lose my temper, I’ll buy the whole class a present.’ Everyone giggled at the very idea of sweet, kind, gentle Miss Dove losing her temper. Except for Astrid. She just asked, ‘What sort of present?’ ‘I haven’t had time to think.’ Miss Dove smiled. ‘And you’re not going to get one anyway. I’m going to win the bet because we don’t live on Planet Fruitcake. No one does.’ Still, Philip thought, it was a nice idea. On Planet Fruitcake he’d be someone who put up his hand and joined in the discussions, just like everyone else. Yes, Planet Fruitcake was the place to be.

4: An axe dripping with blood

5: Horribly dangerous

6: Deep in the jungle

7: Something normal

8: Weird and silly things

9: Brains in pots

10: Scoop out my brain

11: Married in a flowerpot hat

12: ‘Don’t you want us thinking?’

13: A clever and beautiful chicken

14: A really stupid baby

15: Suppose! Suppose! Suppose!

16: The One and Only Philip

17: ‘I will not have this pandemonium in my classroom!’

18: Purple cows and black ice lollies

19: You’ve lost the bet

20: The most suitable present

Also by Anne Fine

About the Publisher

Poor Philip had a problem. Everyone else adored his teacher, Miss Dove. They thought she was the nicest, kindest teacher in the whole school.