Patsy Ponce - The Open Affair

“But you didn’t end up with the lawyer after your divorce? Even for a little while?”

“Of course not. Those things rarely work out. And he was such a narcissist. I found out later that his wife was extremely sick and on the verge of dying.” Deb placed her head into her hands. “That was the worst of it,” her earrings swung as she shook her head in grief, “imagining this poor woman dying, and I was sleeping with her husband, Lindsay!”

“But it was forever ago. And you’ve forgiven yourself?”

“I’ve only told one other person…other than you. I couldn’t believe when she told me a similar story. She cheated on her husband too when they’d been together for almost twenty years. It’s not right and it’s not glamorous, but I think it happens more than people realize. And usually, their partner never finds out. But yes, after I talked with her, I’ve been more forgiving with myself. It was nice knowing someone I love and respect was capable of making a mistake with a man, too.”

“The scary thing, Deb…. I don’t want to do more with Thane, but I’ve had thoughts about it. Things with Logan used to be so great all the time. Now, we’re basically roommates who own a business together and sleep in the same bed.”

“And you think it will be better with Thane?”

“No…. Well, I’m not sure. Maybe? But I’d just like to see what it’s like. I didn’t have many experiences before Logan…or Ben—the man I dated before him. Maybe I need to break up with Logan and move on.”

“Maybe so, but this is a big decision. I do think you and Logan are great together; I’ve seen the two of you. I’m sure he said some terrible things, but he’s probably hurt. He is a nice guy—and it’s hard to find a good man. But your needs aren’t being met in some way, Lindsay. You’ve got to figure out what those needs are and work it out with Logan. Whether you stay together or split up it shouldn’t be because of Thane. It should be because of what isn’t working with you and Logan. I’ll just say it one last time,” she took a sip of her drink and set it down, “I don’t have the best feeling about Thane.”

“But why? You had to have seen something big. You don’t say negative things about anyone, Deb!”

“I saw how he looked at you when I worked at Boehme. He basically stalked you with his eyes. If that man kissed you, I feel like it was strategic…planned. He knows how to get what he wants. He’s a lot smarter than people realize.”

“Really?”

“I’m not saying it as a ‘good’ thing. I’m just telling you to be careful. You’d be crazy to throw away a relationship with Logan, especially for…. Well, I’ve said enough. I just don’t want to see you make the same mistake I did. A kiss isn’t really that bad—I mean, it’s not good, but things could have been a lot worse. Forgive yourself. I’m sure Logan will forgive you and the two of you can move past this.”

“Have you forgiven yourself, really…for your past?” Lindsay asked.

“I’m working on it.” Deb sighed, picked up her fork and started eating.

***

It was Thane’s last day at Boehme. Not seeing him walk in at the same time every day would be tough for Lindsay. He’d always told her she brightened up every room; at the time, that comment had made her shine even brighter.

She’d gotten up early that morning to buy a “goodbye cake” for Thane, don one of her favorite dresses, and shower in blossom perfume. Realistically, it was far too late for their work relationship to go back to normal, but losing Thane was so complicated, like losing a dear friend—after all the time they’d spent together at the office.

The day progressed and Lindsay strategically printed stacks of orders, working to ensure that Kenzie got off early so she and Thane would be alone at the end of the day. Soon, Kenzie left and when the sky darkened, it was time to say goodbye.

Thane gazed at Lindsay. “You need to know that I love you, and I don’t think this feeling will just go away. My soul longs to see you...laugh with you...to be near you….” Lindsay’s heart melted as he went on. “You say someday you’ll know yourself better and then you’ll be beautiful. But you already are beautiful to me.”

She exhaled. “Thane, I’m going to miss you so much.”

“And, I’ll miss you.”

The two locked the building and then studied each other for a long time. Without warning, Lindsay wrapped her arms around him as she tried not to cry. She held him and shut her eyes, taking in the scent of his jacket and the way his arms cinched around her.

“You have so many great opportunities ahead of you,” Lindsay said. But as she thought of his exciting future, it hurt to know she wouldn’t be there, fighting with him and for him to help give him the best memories possible. “You’ll be okay.” The words were more for herself than him.

Lindsay drove home that night, not wanting to see Logan. The nights usually held some sort of fight, and when Lindsay stayed home on weekends, Logan just built more and more furniture to sell.

No matter how tough it had been, she’d been leaving little notes on his pillow each morning, hoping they would make some type of impact. Yet, the fights continued, making it even harder to forget Thane…

As she edged closer to her front entrance, Logan opened the door, greeting her in a different way than he had in years. “It was Thane’s last day?” Logan asked.

“Well, yeah. It was.”

“So, we can put all of this behind us?”

She nodded slowly. “Yes. I hope we can.”

“That’s all I want. Listen, Linds,” he said, using a pet-name, “I’ve said some pretty terrible things to you recently.” She remembered how he’d called her a whore, screaming so the neighbors heard. “You’ve said you’re sorry for what happened with Thane. Now, I’m sorry for the things I’ve said. It won’t happen again. I want to start fresh and move forward. I want a blank slate.”

Lindsay’s walls collapsed and whether it was smart or not, she used the same arms that had just been around Thane, to hug Logan. “I want that, too. I want to start over.” She’d lost her resolve to stay strong around him as the pain from his stinging words subsided.

He held her for a long time and kissed her forehead. “I have something for you so we can remember when we started fresh!” Logan led Lindsay into the bedroom where he’d laid out the most beautiful dress. “I have to admit it was on sale, but you love a deal, right?”

Lindsay, still uncomfortable changing in front of him after years of distance, brought the dress into the bathroom and put it on. “It fits…perfectly,” she squealed. The black and tan fabric hugged her in all the right places and made her waist look even tinier than it already was. She gazed into the mirror and thought how odd it was that she didn’t want to change in front of Logan, yet they’d lived together for years. “How did you know this would fit?” She came out of the bathroom and spun in front of him.

“Wow! I hoped but had no idea the dress would look that great. Lindsay…you look incredible. You know, I’ve always known how beautiful you are, but the thought of losing you…. I’m seeing you differently.”

“I know what you mean,” she said soberly, studying all of his features. Logan was the type of man Lindsay’s friends fantasized about. He’d spent summers working at different national forests, managing the land to ensure preservation. That was all before he’d dated Lindsay. She knew he had really gone far since the two got together and almost tripled his income in a few short years. Even though their relationship had deteriorated in part because of their long work hours, she was so proud of him.