Thomas Wolfe - Thomas Wolfe - Of Time and the River, You Can't Go Home Again & Look Homeward, Angel

. . . They stood silently a moment in the vast deserted nave of Saint Thomas’. Far in the depth of the vast church Old Michael’s slender hands pressed softly on the organ-keys. The last rays of the setting sun poured in a golden shaft down through the western windows, falling for a moment, in a cloud of glory, as if in benediction, on Mainwaring’s tired face.

“I am going,” he said presently.

“Going?” she whispered. “Where?”

The organ music deepened.

“Out there,” he gestured briefly to the West. “Out there — among His people.”

“Going?” She could not conceal the tremor of her voice. “Going? Alone?”

He smiled sadly. The sun had set. The gathering darkness hid the suspicious moisture in his gray eyes.

“Yes, alone,” he said. “Did not One greater than I go out alone some nineteen centuries ago?”

“Alone? Alone?” A sob rose in her throat and choked her.

“But before I go,” he said, after a moment, in a voice which he strove in vain to render steady, “I want to tell you —” He paused for a moment, struggling for mastery of his feelings.

“Yes?” she whispered.

“— That I shall never forget you, little girl, as long as I live. Never.” He turned abruptly to depart.

“No, not alone! You shall not go alone!” she stopped him with a sudden cry.

He whirled as if he had been shot.

“What do you mean? What do you mean?” he cried hoarsely.

“Oh, can’t you see! Can’t you see!” She threw out her little hands imploringly, and her voice broke.

“Grace! Grace! Dear heaven, do you mean it!”

“You silly man! Oh, you dear blind foolish boy! Haven’t you known for ages — since the day I first heard you preach at the Murphy Street settlement?”

He crushed her to him in a fierce embrace; her slender body yielded to his touch as he bent over her; and her round arms stole softly across his broad shoulders, around his neck, drawing his dark head to her as he planted hungry kisses on her closed eyes, the column of her throat, the parted petal of her fresh young lips.

“Forever,” he answered solemnly. “So help me God.”

The organ music swelled now into a triumphant pæan, filling with its exultant melody that vast darkness of the church. And as Old Michael cast his heart into the music, the tears flowed unrestrained across his withered cheeks, but smilingly happily through his tears, as dimly through his old eyes he saw the two young figures enacting again the age-old tale of youth and love, he murmured,

“I am the resurrection and the life, Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” . . .

Eugene turned his wet eyes to the light that streamed through the library windows, winked rapidly, gulped, and blew his nose heavily. Ah, yes! Ah, yes!

. . . The band of natives, seeing now that they had no more to fear, and wild with rage at the losses they had suffered, began to advance slowly toward the foot of the cliff, led by Taomi, who, dancing with fury, and hideous with warpaint, urged them on, exhorting them in a shrill voice.

Glendenning cursed softly under his breath as he looked once more at the empty cartridge belts, then grimly, as he gazed at the yelling horde below, slipped his two remaining cartridges into his Colt.

“For us?” she said, quietly. He nodded.

“It is the end?” she whispered, but without a trace of fear.

Again he nodded, and turned his head away for a moment. Presently he lifted his gray face to her.

“It is death, Veronica,” he said, “and now I may speak.”

“Yes, Bruce,” she answered softly.

It was the first time he had ever heard her use his name, and his heart thrilled to it.

“I love you, Veronica,” he said. “I have loved you ever since I found your almost lifeless body on the beach, during all the nights I lay outside your tent, listening to your quiet breathing within, love you most of all now in this hour of death when the obligation to keep silence no longer rests upon me.”

“Dearest, dearest,” she whispered, and he saw her face was wet with tears. “Why didn’t you speak? I have loved you from the first.”

She leaned toward him, her lips half-parted and tremulous, her breathing short and uncertain, and as his bare arms circled her fiercely their lips met in one long moment of rapture, one final moment of life and ecstasy, in which all the pent longing of their lives found release and consummation now at this triumphant moment of their death.

A distant reverberation shook the air. Glendenning looked up quickly, and rubbed his eyes with astonishment. There, in the island’s little harbor were turning slowly the lean sides of a destroyer, and even as he looked, there was another burst of flame and smoke, and a whistling five-inch shell burst forty yards from where the natives had stopped. With a yell of mingled fear and baffled rage, they turned and fled off toward their canoes. Already, a boat, manned by the lusty arms of a blue-jacketed crew, had put off from the destroyer’s side, and was coming in toward shore.

“Saved! We are saved!” cried Glendenning, and leaping to his feet he signalled the approaching boat. Suddenly he paused.

“Damn!” he muttered bitterly. “Oh, damn!”

“What is it, Bruce?” she asked.

He answered her in a cold harsh voice.

“A destroyer has just entered the harbor. We are saved, Miss Mullins. Saved!” And he laughed bitterly.

“Bruce! Dearest! What is it? Aren’t you glad? Why do you act so strangely? We shall have all our life together.”

“Together?” he said, with a harsh laugh. “Oh no, Miss Mullins. I know my place. Do you think old J. T. Mullins would let his daughter marry Bruce Glendenning, international vagabond, jack of all trades, and good at none of them? Oh no. That’s over now, and it’s good-by. I suppose,” he said, with a wry smile, “I’ll hear of your marriage to some Duke or Lord, or some of those foreigners some day. Well, good-by, Miss Mullins. Good luck. We’ll both have to go our own way, I suppose.” He turned away.

“You foolish boy! You dear bad silly boy!” She threw her arms around his neck, clasped him to her tightly, and scolded him tenderly. “Do you think I’ll ever let you leave me now?”

“Veronica,” he gasped. “Do you MEAN it?”

She tried to meet his adoring eyes, but couldn’t: a rich wave of rosy red mantled her cheek, he drew her rapturously to him and, for the second time, but this time with the prophecy of eternal and abundant life before them, their lips met in sweet oblivion . . . .

Ah, me! Ah, me! Eugene’s heart was filled with joy and sadness — with sorrow because the book was done. He pulled his clotted handkerchief from his pocket and blew the contents of his loaded heart into it in one mighty, triumphant and ecstatic blast of glory and sentiment. Ah, me! Good old Bruce–Eugene.

Lifted, by his fantasy, into a high interior world, he scored off briefly and entirely all the grimy smudges of life: he existed nobly in a heroic world with lovely and virtuous creatures. He saw himself in exalted circumstances with Bessie Barnes, her pure eyes dim with tears, her sweet lips tremulous with desire: he felt the strong handgrip of Honest Jack, her brother, his truehearted fidelity, the deep eternal locking of their brave souls, as they looked dumbly at each other with misty eyes, and thought of the pact of danger, the shoulder-to-shoulder drive through death and terror which had soldered them silently but implacably.

Eugene wanted the two things all men want: he wanted to be loved, and he wanted to be famous. His fame was chameleon, but its fruit and triumph lay at home, among the people of Altamont. The mountain town had for him enormous authority: with a child’s egotism it was for him the centre of the earth, the small but dynamic core of all life. He saw himself winning Napoleonic triumphs in battle, falling, with his fierce picked men, like a thunderbolt upon an enemy’s flank, trapping, hemming, and annihilating. He saw himself as the young captain of industry, dominant, victorious, rich; as the great criminal-lawyer bending to his eloquence a charmed court — but always he saw his return from the voyage wearing the great coronal of the world upon his modest brows.