William Shakespeare - The Complete Apocryphal Works of William Shakespeare - All 17 Rare Plays in One Edition

I’ll lay thee up so close a twelve month’s day,

As thou shalt neither see the sun nor moon.

Look to it, for, as surely as I live,

I’ll banish pity if thou use me thus.

REEDE

What, wilt thou do me wrong and threat me too?

Nay, then, I’ll tempt thee, Arden, do thy worst.

God, I beseech thee, show some miracle

On thee or thine, in plaguing thee for this.

That plot of ground which thou detains from me.

I speak in an agony of spirit,

Be ruinous and fatal unto thee!

Either there be butchered by thy dearest friends,

Or else be brought for men to wonder at,

Or thou or thine miscarry in that place,

Or there run mad and end thy cursed days!

FRANKLIN

Fie, bitter knave, bridle thine envious tongue,

For curses are like arrows shot upright,

Which, falling down, light on the shooter’s head.

REEDE

Light where they will, were I upon the sea,

As oft I have in many a bitter storm,

And saw a dreadful southern flaw at hand,

The pilot quaking at the doubtful storm,

And all the sailors praying on their knees,

Even in that fearful time would I fall down,

And ask of god, whate’er betide of me,

Vengeance on Arden or some misevent

To show the world what wrong the carle hath done.

This charge I’ll leave with my distressful wife.

My children shall be taught such prayers as these;

And thus I go, but leave my curse with thee. (Exeunt Reede and sailor.

ARDEN

It is the railingest knave in Christendom,

And oftentimes the villain will be mad;

It greatly matters not what he says,

But I assure you I ne’er did him wrong.

FRANKLIN

I think so, master ARDEN

ARDEN

Now that our horses are gone home before,

My wife may haply meet me on the way.

And greatly changed from the old humor

Of her wonted forwardness,

And seeks by fair means to redeem old faults.

(here enters Alice and MOSBIE

FRANKLIN

Why, there’s no better creatures in the world

Than women are when they are in good humors.

ARDEN

Who is that? Mosbie? What, so familiar?

Injurious strumpet, and thou ribald knave,

Untwine those arms.

ALICE

Ay, with a sugared kiss let them untwine.

ARDEN

Ah, Mosbie! Perjured beast! Bear this and all.

MOSBIE

And yet no horned beast;

The horns are thine.

FRANKLIN

O monstrous! Nay, then ‘tis time to draw.

ALICE

Help, help! They murder my husband.

(here enters Will and SHAKEBAG

SHAKEBAG

Zounds, who injures master Mosbie?

Help, Will, I am hurt.

MOSBIE

I may thank you, mistress Arden, for this wound.

(Exeunt Mosbie, Will and SHAKEBAG

ALICE

Ah, Arden, what folly blinded thee?

Ah, jealous harebrain man, what hast thou done;

When we, to welcome thee intending sport,

Came lovingly to meet thee on thy way,

Thou drew’st thy sword, enraged with jealousy,

And hurt thy friend

Whose thoughts were free from harm:

All for a worthless kiss and joining arms,

Both done but merrily to try thy patience.

And me unhappy that devised the jest,

Which, though begun in sport, yet ends in blood!

FRANKLIN

Marry, god, defend me from such a jest.

ALICE

Could’st thou not see us friendly smile on thee

When we joined arms, and when I kissed his cheek?

Hast thou not lately found me overkind?

Did’st thou not hear me cry ‘they murder thee’?

Called I not help to set my husband free?

No, ears and all were witched; ah me accursed

To link in liking with a frantic man!

Hence forth I’ll be thy slave, no more thy wife,

For with that name I never shall content thee.

If sad, thou sayest the sullens trouble me;

If well attired, thou tninks I will be gadding;

If homely, I seem sluttish in thine eye.

Thus am I still, and shall be while I die.

Poor wench abused by thy misgovernment!

ARDEN

But is it for truth that neither thou nor he,

Intendedst malice in your misdemeanor?

ALICE

The heavens can witness of our harmless thoughts.

ARDEN

Then pardon me, sweet Alice,

And forgive this fault!

Forget but this and never see the like.

Impose me penance, and I will perform it,

For in thy discontent I find a death,

A death tormenting more than death itself.

ALICE

Nay, had’st thou loved me as thou dost pretend,

Thou wouldst have marked the speeches of thy friend,

Who going wounded from the place, he said

His skin was pierced only through my device;

And if sad sorrow taint thee for this fault,

Thou would’st have followed him, and seen him dress’d

And cried him mercy whom thou hast misdone:

Ne’er shall my heart be eased till this be done.

ARDEN

Content thee, sweet Alice, thou shalt have thy will

Whate’er it be, for that I injured thee,

And wronged my friend, shame scourgeth my offence;

Come thou thy self, and go along with with me,

And be a mediator ‘twixt us two.

FRANKLIN

Why, master Arden! Know you what you do?

Will you follow him that hath dishonored you?

ALICE

Why, canst thou prove I have been disloyal?

FRANKLIN

Why, Mosbie taunted your husband with the horn.

ALICE

Ay, after he had reviled him,

by the injurious name of perjured beast: