GEORGE SHAW - The Complete Works

“I will tell Miss Cairns to write to you about the class,” she said. He listened to her with an attention which she thought derisive. Flushing with displeasure, she added, “And as Miss Cairns has done nothing to incur your anger, I beg, Mr Jack that you will remember that she is a lady, and will expect to be treated with common civility.”

“Oho!” said Jack, delighted. “Have I been rude? Have I?”

“You have been excessively rude, Mr. Jack.” She went out quickly, sending the words with an angry glance over her shoulder. He shut the door, and went upstairs to Mrs Simpson’s room, braying like a donkey.

“Well, Jezebel,” he cried. “Well, Polly. Well, Mrs. Quickly. How are you?”

“I never was so ashamed in my life, Mr Jack. There were those young ladies only too anxious to do what they could for you, and you like a bear. No wonder you can’t get on, when you won’t control yourself and have behavior.”

“I am a bear, am I? You had better recollect that I am a hungry bear, and that if my dinner does not come up, you will get a hug that will break every bone in your stays. Don’t forget the music paper. You have plenty of money now. Four pounds four and a penny, eh?”

“You’ve no call to fear: none of it will be stolen. Miss Madge thought you hadn’t counted it. Little did she know you.”

“She knew me better than you, you sordid hag. I counted my money that morning — four pounds nine and sevenpence. I gave the railway clerk ten shillings; he gave me five back — that left four pounds four and sevenpence. I arrived here with sixpence in my pocket; and from that I knew that I gave her four, four, and a penny. That reminds me that you sat there and let Miss Sutherland go away without making me ask her to send on my portmanteau, now that I have money to pay the carriage. You’re very stupid.”

“How could I tell whether you wanted me to mention it or not? I was thinking of it all the time; but—”

“You were thinking of it all the time!” cried Jack, in a frenzy. “And you never mentioned it! Here go for my dinner. You would drive the most patient man living out of his senses.”

Table of Contents

When Mrs Beatty had been a fortnight in the Isle of Wight with her brother’s family, her husband came down from Windsor to see her. On the morning after his arrival, they were in the garden, he smoking, and she in a rocking chair near him, with a newspaper in her hand.

“My dear,” he said, after a preliminary cough.

“Yes, Richard,” she said amiably, putting down the paper.

“I was saying last night that Clifton is leaving us.”

“Oh, the bandmaster! Yes” Mrs Beatty was not interested, and she took up the paper again.

“Mary was speaking to me about it this morning.”

Mrs Beatty put down the paper decisively, and looked at her husband.

“She wants me to get that fellow — Charlie’s tutor — into Clinton’s place. I don’t know whether he is fit for it?”

“You don’t know whether he is fit for it! Pray, Richard, did you allow Mary to think that we will countenance any further transactions between her and that man.”

“I thought I would speak to you about it.”

“She ought to ashamed of herself. Don’t listen to her on any account, Richard.”

“Well, will you speak to her? It is not exactly a subject that I can take her to task about; and I really don’t exactly know what to say to her when she comes at me. She always argues; and I hate argument.”

“Then I suppose I must face her arguments — I will make short work of them too. Whenever there is anything pleasant to be said in the family, you are willing enough to take it out of my mouth. The unpleasant things are left to me. Then people say, ‘Poor Colonel Beatty: he has such a disagreeable wife.”

“Who says so?”

“It is not your fault if they do not say so.”

“If the fellow comes into the regiment, he will soon be taught how to behave himself. Though for all I have seen to the contrary, he can behave himself well enough. That is my difficulty in talking to Mary. If she has no fault to find with him, I am sure I have none.”

“You are going to take his part against me, Colonel Beatty. It does not matter that he repeatedly insulted me — everybody does that. But I thought you might have had some little fault to find with a person who debauched your men and held drunken orgies in my brother’s house.”

“Well, Jane, if you come to that, you know very well that Charles was an incorrigible scamp long enough before Jack ever met him. As to bringing him to play at Beulah, Charles got five shillings for his trouble, and went as he might have gone to one of your dances. He spoke to me of Jack as a gentleman who had employed him, not as a comrade.”

“To you, no doubt he did. Adrian Herbert heard how he spoke to Jack.”

“Besides, Mary expressly says that she does not complain of that at all.”

“And what does she complain of?”

Colonel Beatty considered for a moment, and then answered, “She does not complain of anything, as far as I can make out.”

“Indeed! She dismissed him. You will at least not deny that.”

“My dear, I am not denying anyth—”

“Then let nothing induce you to bring them together again. You ought to understand that much without any hint from me, knowing. as you do, what a strange girl she is.”

“Why? Do you think there is anything between them?”

“I never said so. I know very well what I think.”

Colonel Beatty smoked a while in silence. Then, seeing Mary come from the house, carrying a box of colors, he busied himself with his pipe, and strolled away.

“What is the matter?” said Mary.

“Nothing that I am aware of,” said Mrs. Beatty. “Why?”

“You do not look happy. And Uncle Richard’s shoulders have a resigned set, as if he had been blown up lately.”

“Ha! Oh! You are a wonderful observer, Mary. Are you going out?”

“I am waiting for Adrian.”

Mary went round the garden in search of a flower. She was adorning her bosom with one, when Mrs. Beatty, who had been pretending to read, could contain herself no longer, and exclaimed:

“Now, Mary, it is of no use your asking Richard to get that man as bandmaster. He shall not do it.”

“So that is what was the matter,” said Mary coolly.

“I mean what I say, Mary. He shall never show his face in Windsor again with my consent.”

“He shows his face there once a week already, aunt. Miss Cairns writes to say that he has a singing class at their house, and three pianoforte pupils in the neighborhood.”

“If I had known that,” said Mrs Beatty, angrily, “I should not have left Windsor. It is of a piece with the rest of his conduct. However, no matter. We shall see how long he will keep his pupils after I go back.”

“Why, aunt? Would you take away his livelihood because you do not happen to like him personally?”

“I have nothing to do with his livelihood. I do not consider it proper for him to be at Windsor, after being dismissed by Richard. There are plenty of other places for him to go to. I have quite made up my mind on the subject. If you attempt to dispute me, I shall be offended.”

“I have made up my mind too. Whatever mischief you may do to Mr Jack at Windsor will be imputed to me, aunt.”

“I never said that I would do him any mischief.’

“You said you would drive him out of Windsor. As he lives by his teaching, I think that would be as great a mischief as it is in your power to do him.”

“Well, I cannot help it. It is your fault.”

“If I have helped to get him the pupils, and am begging you not to interfere with him, how is it my fault?”