Marie Bergström - The New Laws of Love

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Commercial matchmaking services first appeared in the nineteenth century and never fully succeeded in shaking off their shady reputation. This type of service had an inbuilt paradox: it reflected the matrimonial system of that period, but at the same time it clashed with the nascent code of romantic love, where love was depicted as blind and as a product of fate. This paradox is inherent in all dating services, as they depend upon the matching logic of their culture but are also in constant conflict with our conventional, romantic representations of love. Yet no two countries are alike: while the internet culture in the United States could reconcile online dating with the “grammar” of love, the lack of any utopia surrounding networks in France may explain why dating services were held in discredit.

The examination of the origins of online dating also shows how economic considerations have been a constant threat to the ideal of romantic love. While many of the writings on online dating consider the current situation a critical moment in the encroachment of late capitalism on the sphere of intimacy, a historical perspective indicates that the same fears have been voiced continuously throughout the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. The allegedly contemporary crisis of love epitomized by online dating turns out to be a “permanent crisis” of romantic love, to borrow a term from French anthropologist Mélanie Gourarier (2017). Rather than heralding the end of love, the assertion that marriage and committed relationships are under threat contributes to reaffirming these norms, as it is a constant reminder, to contemporaries, of what love is and is not – in other words, it is a normative assertion about what love should be . The indignation and the social criticism that has surrounded matchmaking services from the outset do not testify to the weakening of romantic love, but rather to the historical and continuing strength of this ideal.

1 1 Todd Krieger, 1995. Love and money. Wired, 3, September 3. https://www.wired.com/1995/09/love-and-money.

2 2 David Gelles, 2011. Inside Match.com. Financial Times, July 29. https://www.ft.com/content/f31cae04-b8ca-11e0-8206-00144feabdc0.

3 3 Source: Meetic Group Databases (Europe, 2019, Meetic Group).

4 4 IAC, 2019. Report of Form 10-K for the fiscal year ended December 31, 2019. https://ir.iac.com/static-files/329f9793-7b24-4684-86c3-935c0c2a7f98.

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