Octavia Goredema - Prep, Push, Pivot

While many of us have become accustomed to the perils of unconscious bias, lack of support, and performative allyship, dealing with insensitive language, microaggressions, harassment, and discrimination is one of the most devastating experiences for anyone to navigate in their place of work.

Knowing your worth, even in the face of the steepest of challenges, is paramount. At the federal level, laws protect employees from unfair treatment because of their race, sex, religion, national origin, age, and disability status. These categories also cover discrimination based on color, gender identity, pregnancy, and sexual orientation. In addition, many states provide more expansive discrimination protections. For example, in 2019 California became the first state in the United States to ban employers and school officials from discriminating against people based on their natural hair. 5 Governor Gavin Newsom signed the Crown Act into law, making it illegal to enforce dress codes or grooming policies against hairstyles such as afros, braids, twists, and locs.

If you are being harassed or discriminated against, document the experiences detailing the date, time, and location the incident took place, what was said or took place, and if there were witnesses. Talk to an employment lawyer who can provide advice, and explain your options based on your experience. This may include reporting the issue to your employer, filing a complaint with the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, or filing a lawsuit.

Microaggressions are defined as everyday slights, indignities, put-downs, and insults that members of marginalized groups experience in their day-to-day interactions. 6 If you've been on the receiving end of one, or heard one, you know it. It's toxic, it's disrespectful, and it's wrong. Examples of microaggressions can include:

An assumption of lesser employment status

Being mistaken for someone else of the same racial background

Being ignored

Questions about background, such as being asked, “Where are you from?”

Discriminatory comments disguised as compliments

Using racially insensitive language

Touching of hair

Microaggressions have an impact on your self-esteem, job satisfaction, mental health, and physical health, so it's critical for you to decide where to draw the line, however hard that may be. Kevin Nadal, professor of psychology at John Jay College, developed a tool kit called the Guide to Responding to Microaggressions . 7 It lists five questions to ask yourself when weighing the consequences of responding to a microaggression:

1 If I respond, could my physical safety be in danger?

2 If I respond, will the person become defensive and will this lead to an argument?

3 If I respond, how will this affect my relationship with this person?

4 If I don't respond, will I regret not saying something?

5 If I don't respond, does that convey that I accept the behavior or statement?

Dealing with discrimination, harassment, or microaggressions in the workplace is deeply distressing; don't go it alone. Lean on friends, family, and mental health resources and specialists as and when needed. We did not create these workplace land mines and we cannot solve them alone. It's hard to change anyone's behavior if they don't want to change. It's not possible to singlehandedly change your workplace culture. But you can control your responses and actions and safeguard your mental health.

A few years ago, while leading a career advancement workshop, I said, “Raise your hand if you've encountered a bad boss.” I quickly realized I should have said, “Raise your hand if you've never had a bad boss.” It seems that bad bosses, sadly, are everywhere. I'm not quite sure how this happens, but when it does, it's jarring. If you're dealing with a faltering relationship with your supervisor, it's tough. When trust breaks down, it's damaging on both sides. Broken trust causes stress, and it can affect your productivity, performance, and morale, which in turn will likely make the relationship even worse.

If you don't know what to do, there's one thing I want you to remember. Don't let a bad manager derail your ambition, career values, or goals. Maintaining perspective is crucial, but not always easy if your emotions are running high. Take a step back and assess whether the poor dynamic and behavior reflect your corporate culture or can be sourced directly to the individual. Understanding the bigger picture and the underlying causes will help guide how best to approach and respond to the situation.

Your boss may or may not be aware of the negative impact their approach has on others. However, when your work is affected by the behavior of someone more senior than you, it's crucial to protect and nurture what matters most: your professional development. If your personalities clash, the emphasis is on you, as a direct report, to adapt to your boss's preferred style. Observe how your supervisor works and consider how you may be able to adapt in response. This may not be easy, but it's a good place to start.

However, if the situation is truly toxic, trust your gut. If the relationship feels beyond repair, trust the feeling, and know when enough is enough. Toxicity will rapidly erode your well-being, and if it gets to that point, it's time to prioritize your needs and find an opportunity that allows you to thrive.

Dealing with bad coworkers can be just as tricky. The ripples created from just one challenging coworker can affect not just you, but an entire team. It can feel like a lose-lose situation. If you try to ignore them, the behavior could just keep going; if you address it, it could cause conflict with no guarantee of a resolution.

The first thing to do is set boundaries and do whatever you can to prevent your coworker from consuming your energy. To help maintain boundaries, and your sanity, talk to someone you trust. That person can help you brainstorm strategies for dealing with your bad coworker based on your goals and needs. As and when it happens, document the bad behavior so that you have a list of evidence just in case things escalate. If your coworker's behavior is impinging on more than one person, you and your colleagues should consider collectively talking to a manager.

If the coworker is someone who reports to you, it's important to capture each instance in writing as it happens for your own records, including the date and time. You will need to provide evidence of the poor performance, actions, or bad habits as you work to resolve the issue with your employee. Your company's policies and procedures, and counsel from HR, will provide the guidance you need if the poor performance continues.

Schedule time to talk to your direct report in private and listen intently. You need to be transparent about how their behavior has a negative impact on performance. Give constructive feedback with specific examples, but remember, the discussion needs to be a two-way street. This is your opportunity to learn what may be causing the problem. Listen carefully to what the person you manage has to say. There may be legitimate issues, such as unintentionally unclear direction from you, pressing personal problems, bureaucratic constraints, or lack of sufficient training that's causing the situation. To move forward, set clear expectations and put a plan in writing to resolve the issue. Offer support along the way, monitor how things are going, and follow up to review progress together.

Coworkers and bosses will change over time and you'll rarely have complete control of team dynamics. Your career and how you choose to work, however, should consistently remain your top priority. Choose to stay on track with your goals. If you're struggling to make it work, take time to figure out the best way to move forward, either in this role or in a new one.