Adam Przytula - The Road to Resilience

Gender is different now from how it was when I was growing up. It's a subject that can be polarising. What we are certain of, however, is that some things are still seen as ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’.

I used to think that talking to a counsellor was soft or weak. I thought that ‘talking to someone’ was touchy‐feely, and that it was okay for girls to talk about their problems, but not for guys. I couldn't have been more wrong.

There is hard science behind why we need to reach out and talk about our problems.

When we speak aloud, it allows our brain to organise and make sense of the thousands of thoughts running through our minds. I personally feel everyone in the world should talk to a counsellor or psychologist at some point in their lives. Why?

This isn't a book about neuroscience and I'm not a scientist. However, I do know that talking to someone who specialises in listening to your problems will physically change your brain through the activation and firing of neurotransmitters. You can literally change:

how you think

how you feel physically

how you feel emotionally

how you look

how you see yourself.

It might take time to find the right person to confide in: someone you connect with and someone you trust. Don't give up if it doesn't work out the first time, or even the tenth time. Keep trying. I spoke to three different counsellors before I found one who worked for me.

Did you know that eating junk food affects your hormones and brain chemistry?

I didn't know this when I was in high school. I had no idea about:

serotonin (the ‘happy’ brain chemical)

dopamine (the ‘feel good’ brain chemical)

cortisol (the ‘stress’ hormone).

I didn't realise binging on sugar, not working out, not getting enough sleep and watching pornography didn't just affect my physical health, it affected my mental health too.

You can read more about serotonin, dopamine and cortisol in chapter 4.

When you decide it's important to be healthy, you choose to value and respect your mind and your body. Your mind will repay you by thinking clearly. Your body will thank you by performing at its best. You'll feel really good.

Living a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you need to have a perfect diet, exercise every day and sleep eight hours every night. I'm all about the 80/20 rule. I eat healthily 80 per cent of the time so I can eat whatever I like 20 per cent of the time.

Having a healthy self‐esteem is vital.

It means we can deal with any of life's challenges with ease.

We all experience problems in life — it's inevitable. But having the skills to deal with problems as they come up makes life easier, more enjoyable and more fulfilling.

Answer these questions to revise what you've learned about self‐esteem.

1 Can you think of a movie, book or TV series where a character starts out with low self‐esteem but by the end of the movie/show has developed high self‐esteem?

2 What did the character in question 1 do to improve how they felt about themselves?

3 Do you think it's possible you might see yourself differently from how others see you? Yes NoIf you answered yes, in what way do you think you might see yourself differently from how others see you?

4 What Automatic Negative Thought (ANT) do you experience often?For example, I used to always think, I’m ugly because I have narrow eyes and a big forehead.Write down your ANT:

5 Can you rephrase your ANT in question 4 into a positive thought?For example, I've rephrased my thought to: I have my Opa’s eyes and forehead. My Opa was Polish and survived the war. I’m really proud to be his grandson.Write down your positive thought:

6 Do you consider yourself to be self‐aware (‘tuned in’ to what you're thinking and how you're feeling)? Yes No

7 A coping mechanism is a behaviour or action you tend to turn to during times of stress. What are some of the coping mechanisms you usually turn to?

8 Think about your friendships and relationships.Is there someone in your life who makes you feel good when you're around them? Yes NoWhat is it about this person that makes you feel good?On the flipside, is there someone in your life who makes you feel negative about yourself? Yes NoWhy do you think this is?

9 What are five things you are grateful for right now?

10 Identify someone you can talk to about how you are feeling or the things you are going through. You can either write down their name, or write the role they play (e.g. teacher, family member, school counsellor).Note: This person should be an adult. They should also be objective, meaning they will be honest with you and tell you things as they really are.

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