Adam Przytula - The Road to Resilience

It wasn't easy. I began talking to students about the real issues we all face in life, but I hadn't faced up to my own problems. I went through two messy divorces and a mental breakdown before I finally realised I needed to stop blaming other people for my problems and start taking responsibility for my own mental health and wellbeing.

I made a lot of mistakes and fell back into old, self‐destructive behaviours countless times. But I worked hard to keep moving forward and I'll tell you about how I did it in this book.

Some of the issues we face in life can be really challenging. Resilience is our ability to bounce back when times get tough. But this isn't something we're born with; it's a learnt skill. It's something we can get better at.

You might not have been through the same things that I've been through, but the tools in this book will arm you with the ability to face up to any challenge in life. No matter what your personal goal is (you might want to kill it in your exams or become an actor, start feeling good about yourself or make some new friends), the principles are the same.

Let me show you how.

Adam Przytula

Director, Armed For Life

Congratulations on setting out on the road to resilience. In this chapter you will have the opportunity to learn about how you see yourself (your self‐image), how much worth you think you have (your self‐worth) and how you feel about who you are (your self‐esteem). The most important thing I want to tell you is you are valuable. All of us have just as much worth as anyone else in the world. No‐one ever has the right to make you feel as though you aren't worthy.

Having the internal belief that you are acceptable just the way you are is the foundation of healthy self‐esteem. If you feel good about yourself, you'll be able to cope with whatever challenges life throws your way.

Have you seen the movie Avengers: Endgame ? It's the direct sequel to Avengers: Infinity War and the 22nd film in the Marvel series. You might love it, hate it or not care either way (I love Avengers ), but stay with me for a second.

We're used to seeing Thor as a demigod. He's ripped, powerful and strong. Thor is a superhero. Thor knows he's valuable. That is, until Avengers: Infinity War when Thanos defeats the Avengers by using the Infinity Gauntlet to snap away half of all life in the universe. Thor loses his dad, his brother, his home and half of his people. He feels like he's failed. After all, what's the point of being strong if he's not strong enough to defeat Thanos? Enter what many dubbed online as ‘Fat Thor’!

At the start of Avengers: Endgame we can see right away that Thor isn't feeling good about himself. He appears unwashed, unkempt and grossly overweight. Thor has turned to alcohol and gaming to try and cope with how low he's feeling. Thor's self‐esteem is about as low as it can get, until the Avengers convince him to race back in time and retrieve the Infinity Stones before Thanos can get to them. Thor undergoes a huge internal battle against his depression and self‐loathing. By letting go of his negative thoughts, Thor starts believing in himself again. I won't spoil the ending for you, but we see Thor's self‐esteem start to spiral upwards.

When I was a teenager, I hated myself. I thought I was worthless. My self‐esteem was about as low as it could get.

Nowadays, I generally like myself. I feel good about who I am. I think I have relatively healthy self‐esteem. The change is remarkable.

Like me and Thor, you can do stuff to change your self‐esteem, but first you need to identify where you are at.

Let's see where exactly it is that you're at by doing this quiz together.

First of all, we need to look at where your self‐esteem is currently sitting. Read through the following statements and tick those you agree with. If you're currently reading a hardcopy version of this book, I encourage you to use a pencil so that you can erase your answers and complete the quiz again once you've finished reading the book.

I desperately want to change the way I look.

I find it difficult to accept who I am.

I have really high standards for myself and for others (I am a perfectionist).

I feel uncomfortable around successful people.

I have high levels of anxiety and fear.

I never try new things — I might make a mistake.

I focus on my mistakes and minimise what I achieve.

I feel down all the time.

I frequently think negative thoughts about myself.

I feel worthless.

If you ticked one or more of the statements above, you may be experiencing low self‐esteem. If you ticked even one statement, you need this book.

If you didn't tick any of these statements, it means your self‐esteem is probably pretty healthy at the moment. That's great, but remember that self‐esteem isn't something that stays the same; it can change depending on how you're thinking, or what challenges or problems or victories you're facing in life.

When something happens to us (it doesn't have to be as major as failing to save the universe — we might get bullied or go through a challenge of some other sort), we either think positively about the situation, or we think negatively.

When we think positively about a situation, we are more likely to make positive choices about how to act or behave. When our actions reflect our positive thoughts, we feel good about ourselves. We feel valuable. This means that our self‐esteem spirals upwards.

If we experience negative thoughts, we tend to act on these thoughts by behaving in ways that aren't good for us or beneficial for those around us. It makes us feel bad about ourselves. We may start feeling like we aren't worthy or valuable. Our self‐esteem spirals downwards.

As a kid, I loved running. Standing on the track, feeling the air fill my lungs and the sun against my skin felt good. Taking off, feeling my muscles engage and my heart beat as my feet pounded the grass felt really good. Passing the finish line first, having everyone cheer me on and winning the race felt really, really, really good. From Years 1 to 3, I was ‘Champion Boy’ and the best runner in my class. I loved being picked to go last in the relay because everyone knows the fastest kid goes last.

Being sporty meant I was automatically popular at school. It also made me feel like I was valuable, liked and accepted.

Things were the opposite at home. Although I knew my parents loved me, the constant yelling and arguing between them was scary and stressful. My big brother Paul was four years older than me, and it felt like I hardly knew him. It doesn't seem like much now that we are older, but four years is a lot when you're a kid.

This photo of me with my brother Paul was taken when he was 10 and I was 6.

Don't get me wrong, there were brief periods when it felt like we were just a normal family (like on Sunday afternoons when we'd sit around together watching Disney movies and eating McDonald's). However, most of the time I felt pretty lonely at home. It didn't feel like I belonged and I didn't feel valuable. So I started looking outwards for a sense of self‐esteem.