Dirk Lützelberger - Murder in the first life

That was all, Gwen formulated the question inwardly, but then came to the realization that it was a beginning after all.

"Great! I’m so glad!" She took Phil in her arms, gave him a little kiss on the cheek, which he immediately wiped off, and stood up. "Where are we going now? You decide! It’s your day today, Phil."

While Gwen got up, her phone vibrated. Should she answer it or not? It’s hopefully not official, she thought as she fished her phone out of her tight trousers. The name on the display did not bode well. It was her colleague. A call to her work phone on a Sunday made Gwen nervous. Any chance there was a new case? She had just promised to spend more time with her son, and now this could be the end of it. Torn, she pressed the green button to answer the call.

"Gwen Fisher …" she replied and added amusedly, "… is currently on an outing with her family and cannot be reached. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep!" Afterwards she fell silent and could hardly contain her laughter.

"Hey Gwen, that’s a great greeting – you can talk to me, I’m calling private."

"That’s a relief. I thought there was gonna be another case. I was just explaining to my son that I’ve got more time for him now and my work phone is ringing."

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry. You’re on a field trip? Where?"

"At Sea Life on Timmendorf beach. Phil always likes to watch the turtle 'Speedy' here and in a few minutes, we’ll probably pay a visit to the seahorses and 'Nemo' again."

"How is he coping with the new situation?" Stefan asked.

Gwen turned around, took a few steps away from Phil and lowered her voice.

"He’s still very much turned in on himself and hardly speaks a word to me. He seems to get along great with my mother. When we went to pick her up earlier, he was like a different person. I only hope he confides in me again soon.

Stefan briefly considered whether he should openly reply to her that her son had done more with his father than with her in the past. It would be a long way to normalcy. He decided against it and tried to encourage Gwen. "I am sure that with a little patience and your charming manner you will soon bridge the gap to him."

Gwen swallowed hard when she heard his loving words. But then she reminded herself that Stefan was a colleague and her husband died just a week ago. She had to pull herself together and not fall in love with the next best friend. She would manage on her own.

"On the way back, you can go to McDonald’s, right?" Stefan suggested. "All kids love that!"

"That’s an excellent idea, especially since I haven’t prepared anything to eat tonight."

"Then we’ll meet again tomorrow at the LKA? I look forward to seeing you! Take it easy. You’ll make it!"

"Yes, I will. I’m looking forward to it, too. Bye!"

The last words Gwen breathed into the phone, almost unable to find any more parting words, and hung up.

She turned back to Phil and her mother and realized too late that her son had listened to the end of the phone call. Disappointment and jealousy lay in his voice as he murmured, "You don’t like being with us at all and are already looking forward to work more than spending time here with me." Then he turned away and went straight for the seahorse.

For the next few hours, Gwen brooded and trotted after her son and mother at some distance. Phil had always done much more with his father than with her in the past. Was this the problem Gwen was now facing? Why had she let it come to this? The two men simply had more common interests, such 'man things', Gwen mused. But still she should have been more involved. Perhaps she should have made more suggestions for joint adventures or cinema visits. But instead, she had been more engrossed in her work and had often come home late. There was hardly time to make dinner and her son had to go to bed soon. On weekends she had a lot to do in the household and when she had an hour or two for herself, she loved to read or do nothing. So, the years passed in the same daily routine and she did not even notice how the liaison between father and son became stronger and stronger. And suddenly everything changed, Gwen stopped her thoughts and looked at the clock. She went faster again and caught up with Phil and Beth.

"We must start thinking about going home again. Are you hungry? Shall we stop at McDonalds in Eutin?"

Gwen watched Phil closely, and it took a load off her mind when he smiled and said, "I’m hungry for a cheeseburger!"

"That’s great! And you mom? Are you hungry for a BigMac or something similar?

"You know me Gwen, I don’t care for the burger stuff, but I like to come along. They make great salads now, don’t they?"

"But of course!" Gwen quickly replied. She was glad that her colleague’s idea had been so well received.

"Phil, on the way there, you can start thinking about what Santa Claus might bring you. After all, it’s only a month until December 24th, and time will fly."

The stop at McDonalds satisfied all wishes. Phil got his cheeseburger; Beth had her salad and Gwen did a wrap. Saturated and lethargic they sat back in the car and Gwen started the engine. It wasn’t ten minutes before Phil had fallen asleep in the back seat. The steady vibration of the engine and the monotonous sound always made Phil fall asleep quickly. Gwen knew this from the days when she had driven Phil around in the pram. Sometimes, when he didn’t want to fall asleep, this was the only way to get him to sleep after all. The pram was a relic of the past, and today any motorized vehicle would do the job. Bus, train, car or plane were all equally good at making Phil tired. Smiling, Gwen looked in the rear-view mirror and saw her son’s head nodding uncontrollably from side to side. An unmistakable sign of deep sleep.

Around 6:30 pm, Gwen dropped her mother off at their apartment. They hugged each other heartily. "See you later" she gave Beth a kiss on her cheek as a farewell.

Once home, Gwen carefully turned into the driveway of her house. The gravel crunched under the tires and Phil got agitated in the back seat. He opened his eyes and noticed that he had slept through most of the drive home.

"Where’s Grandma? You should have woken me! I wanted to say goodbye!"

As soon as the car came to a halt, Phil opened the door and jumped out. Gwen struggled to get behind quickly and unlock the front door. Without another word, Phil squeezed through the opening door, wiped the shoes off his feet and disappeared upstairs to his room.

Gwen took a deep breath.

After she had changed and acclimatized herself, she gently knocked on her son’s room door and entered. Phil was already back at the computer and playing.

"Hey, big guy, did you have a good day?"

"Hmmm – it was quite okay" Phil was very taciturn.

Gwen made another attempt. "We must do something like this again soon. I like being with you. That was great!"

"Hmmm, if you say so."

Oh, dear, that would be exhausting, Gwen thought, and replied, "Yes, I do!" She wanted to sound more convincing, but unfortunately, she couldn’t at that moment. "I think it would be great if we could do something together."

After a pause, Phil admitted, "Me too mommy." Phil looked like he was wrestling with himself, but then he got to the point. "You were never the one who had bothered about our free time together. Dad had always done that."

Gwen didn’t want to hear it so clearly, but she decided not to answer right away, but to let him continue talking.

"I need someone who’ll take time for me, be with me, and be there for me." Pause. Gwen was about to answer when Phil spoke up again. This time talking slower and with a lump in his throat. "Now that Daddy’s gone, I don’t know what’s gonna happen." Phil had tears in his eyes, but he swallowed his sorrow. After all, Indians don’t know pain and boys don’t cry! That’s just a girl’s thing, his father taught him.