Robert Wells - Elvis - The Siege of Graceland and Other Stories

Contents

Imprint 2 Imprint All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved. © 2022 novum publishing ISBN print edition: 978-3-99107-987-3 ISBN e-book: 978-3-99107-988-0 Editor: Nicola Grün Cover images: Thomas Milewski | Dreamstime.com; Cover design, layout & typesetting: novum publishing Images: www.alamy.com www.novum-publishing.co.uk

1. The Siege of Graceland 3

2. Greta Garbo’s Movie Comeback 15

3. Kidnapped 26

4. The Queen and the Laird of Prestwick 36

5. The Millions of Dollars Quartet 48

6. The Forgotten Wedding Anniversary 61

7. The Fall and Rise of Rex Rabbit 74

8. Garden Party Monkey Business 90

9. “You Tarzan and Me Jane” 101

10. Colonel Parker goes into Rehab 109

11. Hamlet: Not To Be 118

12. GI Blues 131

Imprint

All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved.

© 2022 novum publishing

ISBN print edition: 978-3-99107-987-3

ISBN e-book: 978-3-99107-988-0

Editor: Nicola Grün

Cover images: Thomas Milewski | Dreamstime.com;

Cover design, layout & typesetting: novum publishing

Images: www.alamy.com

www.novum-publishing.co.uk

1. The Siege of Graceland

“It’s true that sequels are doing great business at the box office.” Colonel Parker is on the phone to Hal Wallis, his great friend and producer of many of Elvis’s movies. “I agree that maybe we should do a sequel to ‘GI Blues’. The fans loved that film. Just a minute, Hal. Bubba is waving a piece of paper at me.”

The Colonel tells his assistant if it is an invoice to put it in the pending tray, which, of course, as far as Bubba is concerned, is like saying ‘abandon hope all ye who enter here’.

Resuming his conversation with Hal Wallis, the Colonel says, “Now let me get this straight. Your idea is that Elvis goes back to Germany. But this time he is a General and he’s going to sort out the Russians and save Berlin. The working title will be Checkpoint Elvis. Yea, I like that. And can we get Juliet Prowse again who was in ‘GI Blues’? You say you’ll come back to me next week with a script. Hold on Hal, Bubba is jumping up and down and still waving that piece of paper. I’ll call you back.”

Colonel Parker sits back in his chair, wafts away the thick clouds of cheap cigar smoke, and invites Bubba to explain what is going on.

“Why, sir, it’s this letter from the US army and I must admit that I am mighty puzzled. It says Elvis is on something they call the Reserve List and he must report in the next seven days to somewhere called Camp Benedict Arnold. It’s in Tumbleweed, Mississippi.”

The Colonel goes for the full bluster and declares, “This is outrageous! That boy has served his time with Uncle Sam. Two whole years and he came back a hero. This whole thing is a big mistake!”

“A hero, Colonel, sir? I really didn’t know that,” comments Bubba innocently.

“Yes, they pinned a medal on his chest.”

“Would that be the Good Conduct Medal, sir? Because it is my belief that every soldier got one of those, providing they didn’t shoot the commanding officer.”

“Don’t quibble, Bubba,” says the Colonel. “This is all a terrible mistake. We’re going to ignore this and it will go away. Trust me.”

Elvis, the Colonel, Hal Wallis, and Steve Sholes, RCA’s top record producer, are going through the script of the ‘GI Blues’ movie sequel. Hal describes how the General, played by Elvis, has gone over the Berlin Wall and into the Russian zone to rescue Juliet Prowse when he is confronted by a group of Russian soldiers. While the fight is going on, the soundtrack will play Elvis singing a specially commissioned song called ‘Caught Reds Handed’.

Elvis grumbles about it being another album movie but Hal Wallis shakes his head and assures him there’ll just be a couple of songs. He looks meaningfully at the Colonel and adds that the movie will be a thriller with just a little hint of comedy, more Cary Grant than Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. “My script boys see this as a breakout role for Elvis,” adds Hal Wallis, winking slyly at the Colonel.

There is a rapid knocking at the door and Bubba bursts in saying, “Colonel, sir, come quickly.”

Colonel Parker is affronted and looks around the room as if he has been interrupted while addressing a large audience at the United Nations. He tells his assistant that he is in the middle of a very important meeting and to please put a ‘Do Not Disturb’ notice on the door on his way out.

“I’m really sorry, sir, but I do think you should come to the front door. Right now. They want to arrest Elvis.”

Colonel Parker sets his straw trilby on his head, brushes the cigar ash from his Hawaiian shirt, and approaches the front door with the slowness and stateliness of an elderly hippopotamus with rheumatism. Standing there are four members of the military police. The guy at the front introduces himself as Captain Ludendorf and says he has a warrant for the arrest of Elvis Presley. The Colonel looks perplexed and strokes several of his chins as if he is being asked to explain the Theory of Relativity and doesn’t know where to begin.

He blows cigar smoke towards the Captain. “Arrest! Has rock and roll suddenly become illegal? Arrest! Surely not for being the most famous man in the United States, if not the world. And surely not for being a medal-winning hero.”

“No one is above the law, sir. Mr. Presley failed to report to Camp Benedict Arnold as ordered and we are here to take him there.”

The Colonel asks to see the warrant, takes his time reading through it, and hands it back. “That is a load of baloney, Captain,” he asserts.

“I must ask you to step aside, sir, and allow me to do my duty,” is the reply.

“I am Colonel Thomas Parker of the Virginia Fencibles and I outrank you. I’m saying that warrant is not valid. I order you to go back and get it checked.” Minnie Mae has appeared next to the Colonel and she has a very convincing argument – she is pointing Granpappy Hood’s old buffalo gun at Captain Ludendorf. “Elvis ain’t leavin’ the building, son”, she declares. “You should be a-wearin’ clown shoes an’ a big red nose cus ah ain’t never heard sich damn fool nonsense. You and yer boys need ter scoot reeeal fast cus mah trigger finger is a-startin’ ter twitch.”

At that moment they are joined by Elvis who leaps into his karate kill stance, makes a few chopping motions with his hands, and tells them, “You’ll never take me alive.” The Captain and his men retreat a few feet, while Elvis goes back into the house, roaring with laughter, saying, “I bet that scared them.”

“Colonel, Ma’am, we will be back,” replies Captain Ludendorf a little less confidently. “And next time Mr. Presley will be coming with us.”

And that is how the siege of Graceland began.

A little while later, Elvis’s grandmother, Minnie Mae, is sitting in a chair outside the front door with the buffalo gun resting across her lap. She is joined by her daughter, Aunt Delta, who is pulling a suitcase on wheels. “Thought ah’d join yer, Ma,” she says.

“Planning ter stay the night,” observes Minnie Mae, nodding towards the suitcase.

“Mebbe,” answers Aunt Delta, who unzips it, to reveal that it is fitted out as a small cocktail cabinet complete with bottles, glasses, shaker, and ice bucket. “Can I fix yer a drink, Ma?”

“Sure thing, why not.”

Inside the house, Priscilla, Elvis’s wife, is fretful about Minnie Mae being outside. She pleads with Elvis: Is she going to be out there all night? What if she falls asleep? What if they rush the house? Shouldn’t some of the boys be out there with her?