Lina Fischer - The Falling of the Stars

“You’re my best friend after all, you deserve only the best,” he whispered in my ear.

“Yes, best friends, that’s what we are.”

I wanted to memorise every feature of his face, but he stopped me, putting his hand on my cheek. He leaned in and his soft lips met mine. He smelled like cinnamon. A lifetime of happiness bloomed in my chest, only to be replaced with pain as though it had been pierced with a sharp blade.

“Eden…” I took a deep breath. “You know we can’t do that, not after last time,” I whispered.

“Astoria, you can hurt me, I won’t blame you if you do, but please give us a chance,” he begged.

“I wish I could, Eden, I really wish I could do that, but I just can’t.”

I slowly started to distance myself from him and the situation as he held me back and looked me in the eyes. “Astoria…” was the last thing I heard as I rushed away from the greenhouse back to my room and fell into my warm, soft bed.

Memories From the Past

I opened my eyes, confused at first about the wet pillow pressed against my cheek. The events of last night came flooding back as I woke up fully, and I laid on my back looking up at the window above my bed. It was almost starting to freeze because of the cold air outside.

When I was a little girl and winter came, I would dress up as the northern queen and Mom would braid my hair. Dad would teach me how to dance and never lose hope, even as I bruised his toes.

I would run to Eden’s room and let him try the cookies we baked, and he would always tell me that they were delicious –even if his face said something very different.

Life was easy, uncomplicated.

This year was different. Everything changed after the night in July when Eden had asked me to be with him. Of course, I said yes; that’s what everybody expected of me. Eden should have known that I had to say yes, even if that wasn’t how I felt in that moment.

I told my parents that I’m just not ready to commit yet, but I am ready; just not with him.

I love him more than anything in the world, and I can’t risk our friendship like that, it means the world to me.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I had no energy left so I just said, “Come on in,” quickly putting on a smile, and then said “Good morning.”

“Good morning birthday princess!” Mom said brightly. I flinched at the noise, and she noticed that something wasn’t right. “Astoria, what’s bothering you?” she asked, worried.

“It’s Eden,” I sighed, “he just doesn’t understand that I am not ready to be with him, and I don’t want to lose him.”

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry, please don’t feel like you have to do something that you don’t want to. I’m sure Eden understands that, right?”

“Yes, he does, but he’s constantly trying to convince me and it puts so much pressure on me, but I’m doing it for our sake, so we won’t ruin our friendship.”

I put my heavy head onto the pillow, and I could still feel the tears from last night.

“Do you love him, Astoria?” she asked seriously.

“Of course, with all my heart, Mom,” I said into my pillow.

“Then tell him,” she said.

“I don’t think he’d understand. I’ll just try to avoid him as much as possible,” I said.

“That’s not how you handle situations, and you know that. That’s not how I raised you,” she said sternly.

“I know, but just give me some time to figure out what I should do next,” I said pleadingly.

“Do what you think is right, I trust you. Now, let me braid your hair,” she said, tugging at the ends of my hair. We sat there in comfortable silence until she cleared her throat.

“You know, Astoria, nobody is expecting you to marry Eden or be with him. It’s your own decision, we won’t force you to do anything,” she assured me.

“But you would be happy and proud, wouldn’t you?” I said, frustrated.

“Yes, but we are going to be as happy and proud of you either way, it’s your life and you should spend it with someone who you truly love,” she said.

“Thank you Mom, I love you.” I leaned back and giving her a hug.

When she finished braiding my hair, she put a diamond-encrusted tiara on my head to match my big, magical braid.

“I wore this when I met your father on his birthday. I thought it would fit the occasion perfectly,” she said, correcting its position.

“It’s beautiful, thank you so much!” I said, admiring its beauty.

“Now go dress yourself, the ball starts soon. Your dress is in the closet down the hall,” she said before leaving my room.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my once green eyes seemed to turn into the colour of the stars. When I looked closer, they were green again.

That was interesting. I’ve never experienced something like that before, but I’m probably just imagining things.

I decided to make my way down the hall to get my dress, and as soon as I stepped out of my room, I heard footsteps approaching me. I instantly knew who it was, and I tried to walk as fast as possible in the hopes that I could hide somewhere.

“Astoria!” I heard him call. I tried walking faster but soon felt a hand grabbing my wrist.

“Let me go!” I exclaimed.

“Stop running away from me. Do you really think you can avoid me?” he laughed.

“Eden, let me go, now!” I said impatiently. “Stop it, dammit.” I bit back tears as he grabbed my wrists and pulled them towards his chest.

“I’ll never stop. You are a coward, and you know it. You and I both are. Stop lying to yourself!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t care about you!” The bitter lie flew from my lips as I desperately tried to pull away from him.

A hurt expression crossed his eyes for a brief second before impassiveness took over. He let me go. He shook his head, staring at me as if he could see into the depths of my very soul. “Such a goddamned liar,” he said, turning his back and walking away.

I knew that the very thing I feared the most just happened: I lost him.

I shook my head and walked the familiar hallway all the way to the end. I stepped into the big room full of gowns and suits and made my way to my section.

There, laid out, was the most alluring gown I’d ever laid my eyes on. The light blue shimmered with its diamonds and the giant skirt was the perfect size to get a little bit of space, but just roomy enough to be able to dance the night away. I struggled to get the zipper up, but after some time I succeeded.

Green eyes looked back at me as I fixed my mascara in the mirror after the argument, and stepped into the hallway once again.

The Truth

As I descended the grand staircase into the ballroom, I heard classical music playing. The marble stairs were decorated with candles and the atmosphere was something I’d never experienced before. Candles and chandeliers lit the room with a comfortable shimmer.

When I came back to reality, I noticed that it was quiet, and all eyes were on me. I smiled graciously and saw that Eden stood at the end of the stairs holding out his arm. I couldn’t deny him in front of every noble in the kingdom, but of course, that was the point. I put on my dearest smile and kissed his cheek as I took his arm. I got a warm welcome from everyone and finally they started dancing.

“I don’t want to ruin your birthday, Astoria, so let’s at least put our differences aside for a moment and enjoy ourselves,” Eden said, not quite meeting my eyes. He held his hand out with a questioning look.

It took me a moment, but finally I took his hand and he led me onto the dance floor. A new song had just started, and we danced like we had since we were children, his hand on my waist and mine behind his neck.