Эрин Хантер - Hawkwing’s Journey

SkyClan that he remembered, not a ragtag band of cats who were scarcely better than rogues or loners.

Hawkwing saw the relief that flooded into Leafstar’s amber eyes. He shared it, and yet he found himself struggling with conflicting emotions.

I’m glad that SkyClan lives on. But what is my place in it now?

Hawkwing led out a hunting patrol, and returned to find

Plumwillow and Sandynose playing with the kits outside the nursery. Sandynose was tossing a ball of moss to each kit in turn, catching it when they batted it back to him.

“Hey, Hawkwing, come and join us!” he called as Hawkwing padded past.

Hawkwing deposited his prey on the fresh-kill pile, then bounded over to the nursery. All three kits leaped up as he approached, jumping on him with mock growls and battering at him with their soft paws.

“Stinky badger!” Finkit snarled. “Get out of our camp!”

“Yes,” Dewkit added. “Get out or we’ll rip your fur off!”

Hawkwing rolled over and pretended to be terrified. He caught a glimpse of Sandynose, who was looking a little hurt as he watched the game.

How would I feel, he asked himself, if I was reunited with my kits at this age? I’d be very jealous of any cat who raised them in my place.

“Sorry, kits,” he mewed, rising to his paws and shaking them off gently. “I have to go and speak to Leafstar.”

Padding away, he felt as much pain as if they had really ripped his fur off, but he knew that he was doing the right thing.

Tiny paws were prodding Hawkwing all over, and he blinked himself awake. Shaking off sleep, he realized it was still the middle of the night; in the faint light of the moon he made out Dewkit, Reedkit, and Finkit standing over him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “You should be in the nursery with Plumwillow.”

“ He’s there,” Reedkit mewed with a disdainful flick of her tail.

“We want you to tell us what’s going on,” Finkit explained.

“ You’re our father, not this stranger.”

“Yeah, can’t you send him away?” Dewkit asked. “You’re Clan deputy; every cat has to do what you tell them.”

Hawkwing stared at them; for a moment he didn’t know where to start. “Plumwillow would be very sad if I sent Sandynose away,” he began at last.

Reedkit shrugged. “She didn’t seem like she was all that sad before he came back.”

Hawkwing beckoned the kits to come and snuggle down with him in the moss and bracken of his nest, away from the frosty night breeze.

“Now listen,” he meowed. “Plumwillow chose Sandynose to be your father, not me, and—”

“Then she’s a stupid furball!” Finkit interrupted.

Hawkwing gave him a gentle tap on the nose, his claws carefully sheathed. “That’s no way to talk about your mother,” he scolded, then went on, “I had a mate, too, and she was expecting my kits. Her name was Pebbleshine, and I loved her very much.

But a Twoleg monster carried her away, and I lost her.”

All three kits’ eyes were round with dismay; Hawkwing realized this was the first time they had heard the details of what had happened. “That’s terrible!” Reedkit breathed out.

“If I found my kits now,” Hawkwing continued, struggling to keep his voice even, “I would want the chance to be a father to them, even though nothing could make up for the time we lost. Can you understand that?”

“Sort of… ,” Reedkit replied.

“And Sandynose loves all of you very much, just as I would love my kits if I could meet them. But he’s only just getting to know you. You have to give him time.”

“But does that mean you can’t be our father anymore?” Dewkit asked. “Can’t we have two?”

Hawkwing suppressed a mrrow of laughter. “I’m not sure,” he meowed, his amusement giving way to sadness. “Sandynose is a great cat. I want to give you space to get to know him.”

Reedkit hunched her shoulders with a mutinous look. “I don’t want to know him!”

“That’s unkind.” Hawkwing stretched out his tail and gave the little she-kit a gentle flick around her ears. “You don’t want to hurt

Sandynose, do you?”

“No, but…” Reedkit gave her pelt a shake. “It’s not fair!”

“Everything was fine before Sandynose came,” Dewkit agreed.

“Why does it all have to change?”

Hawkwing took a deep breath, trying to find some way of persuading the kits to trust Sandynose. “Your father and mother make each other very happy,” he began at last. “And they want you to be part of that happiness. You can’t do that if you won’t give Sandynose a chance. He’ll be a really good father, I know he will.”

“I guess he’s okay,” Finkit muttered doubtfully. “But he’s not you , Hawkwing.”

Hawkwing felt that love and pain were going to tear him apart.

“I’m not your father. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you,” he reassured the kits. “I’ll always be here to help you if you ever need me.”

The three kits exchanged disappointed glances. “I guess we can be nicer to Sandynose,” Reedkit mewed. “But he doesn’t know about being a badger and all the other games you play with us.”

“Give him time,” Hawkwing responded, touching noses with each of the kits in turn. “Now, off you go, back to the nursery before Plumwillow misses you.”

Wriggling out of his nest, the kits scampered off. Hawkwing watched them across the camp, his heart feeling hollow and empty.

Will I ever be able to raise kits of my own?

SkyClan spent a few more days in the rocky hollow, until the sick cats had recovered enough to travel, and Sandynose and Fallowfern had rested from their wanderings. Then Leafstar gave the order to move on.

“You lead us this time,” she meowed to Echosong. “StarClan guided your paws to find us; perhaps they’ll guide you to the lake and the other Clans.”

But if that was true, Hawkwing thought, StarClan was taking their time about it.

A few days later, the Clan emerged from a narrow valley to see the dens of a Twolegplace spread out in front of them. The air above it looked hazy; a faint, harsh tang reached them on the breeze and in the distance they could hear the roar of monsters.

“I don’t want to go that way,” Plumwillow meowed. “I don’t want to be near Twolegs ever again!”

Hawkwing, standing beside her near the front of the group, rested his tail-tip reassuringly on her shoulder. “I know,” he murmured. “But maybe we have to.”

“But we might meet some of those weird yellow Twolegs,” Finkit objected.

“Yes, and they’ll scoop us up in their cobweb-things and take us away!” Dewkit added, his eyes huge with apprehension.

Hawkwing saw that Leafstar and Echosong were deep in conversation, though he was too far away to hear what they were saying. A moment later Leafstar leaped up onto a nearby rock and raised her voice to address the rest of the Clan.

“Echosong says this is the way we must go,” the Clan leader meowed. “But we’ll try to pass alongside the Twoleg dens, so we don’t risk meeting many Twolegs or monsters.”

“ One Twoleg is too many,” Sagenose muttered.

“We can travel by night,” Echosong pointed out. “That way most of the Twolegs and their monsters will be asleep in their nests.”

“So we’ll rest here until the sun goes down,” Leafstar continued. “Every cat should hunt and then try to get some sleep.”