George Gardiner - A Forbidden History.The Hadrian enigma

"Special sharing? Each? What do you mean by each? Your meaning, Bithynian, is he had sex with those who loved him?" Suetonius repeated. "After all it's sex we're talking about, isn't it?"

Surisca made a discreet gesture to the biographer and leaned forward to whisper some words. Surisca reminded the Special Investigator of a matter from their earlier observations. Suetonius reacted with new interest. Yes, there had been two sets of lesions at Antinous's neck and throat, not just one, he belatedly recalled.

"Tell us, Lysias, why do you word your statement so generically?" he asked. "You say he, Antinous, only had sex with those who love him? Are you saying there is more than one supplicant to his affections?"

Lysias paused before replying. He was discomforted by the question. His voice was strained.

"On the night and day preceding the night of his death Antinous indeed slept with and made love to one who loves him, and who I believe he too loved. This was his freedwoman Thais. However, it is also true how later in the afternoon of the same day preceding his death he shared his arete and his body with another, too, who loves him."

"And who would this further paramour be?" Suetonius asked in exasperation. "The Augusta herself?"

"No, of course not, my lords," he murmured softly, "but it was who you have probably contemplated it may have been all along."

The group was frozen in anticipation.

"It was I myself."

They stood silently for some moments.

"Are you saying," Clarus offered frankly after a pause; "you and Caesar's eromenos have been lovers all along? So you've been lying to us, yes? Some form of laesa majestas offence is committed here, if not capital perjury!"

"No, sir, I assure you Antinous was indeed faithful to Caesar! Antinous and I were not partners, regular or occasional — not since our adolescence long ago, anyway. But it seems in Antinous's final twenty-four hours he chose to favor both Thais and I. He did so with each separately and at that time unknown to each other," Lysias revealed. "However, neither of us knew of this, nor that this was to be his final day. He left hints to that possibility without us being wise enough to realize it."

"Hints? What hints?"

"At the time I wondered at his urgency," Lysias continued. "His desire to favor me after so many years seemed precipitous, especially as at that time no such thought had entered my mind.

But he seduced me, purposely, unquestioningly, intentionally, and very successfully. It was untypical of him, it was unexpected and unexplained, but I cannot honestly say it was unwelcome. He fulfilled a lingering desire I had harbored since our Polis days, but had never experienced so completely previously. I had forgotten how devoted I was to him.

Yet in a moment of deep closeness between us, at a moment of powerful impact, he took pains to beg of me that would I look after Thais on his behalf. He sought I should protect her and her progeny should anything untoward befall him. He didn't explain what he meant, despite my protestation, but he implied I should make Thais my wife if he met with misfortune. He extracted my holy oath by Zeus, Apollo, Artemis, and Aphrodite that I would fulfill his plea. He was adamant.

In the intense passion of the occasion I willingly swore to do as he asked. And I certainly will, if Thais agrees," Lysias explained while Thais kept her eyes lowered. "Yet at that time I had no idea what was to occur through the following hours."

Suetonius probed further.

"Did you, Lysias of Bithynia, during moments of your ardor, also inflict lesions upon his features?"

"Lesions?!"

"Love bites, hickeys, bruises from kisses?"

"Um, yes, I guess so."

"And what of a wound to his wrist? His left wrist. Did you inflict such a wound?"

"What wound? There was no wound." Lysias was quite certain.

Clarus broke the stillness.

"What is it," Clarus asked vaguely rhetorically, "this dead young man possessed which inspires such ardor among admirers?" The pause survived only briefly.

"As I said earlier, sir, it is beauty, my lord," Thais volunteered. "A beauty of character, a beauty of spirit, a beauty of humanity. Beauty, too, of form and shape, but this was not the primary beauty. It would pass soon into time. Antinous was a beguiling personality whose openness communicated sincerity, security, and wholeheartedness. His spirit was alive to life and love!"

She fell silent after her outburst, embarrassed by her own emotion. Lysias was moved enough to take up her theme.

"Truly, sirs, he possessed such a personable appeal. This charisma was coupled with an extraordinary magnificence of body, and visage as a living creature. Antinous was Apollo Incarnate, he was Apollo alive in this world, here, now, with us to see and touch today. He was not distant, out of reach, silent.

Old philosophers tell we Greeks how human beauty is a reflection of the divine among us. Yet unlike remote Apollo or the fearful deities of the Levant, Antinous possessed an emotional warmth no god displays to devotees. For Antinous, love must be tangible and active. In him, it was, generously."

The group was silenced by these quaint sentiments. Clarus emitted a nervous burst of laughter.

"You are talking of a mere Favorite, a decorative appendage to the Caesar of all the Romans," Clarus provoked. "A ruler's toy or plaything, his catamite, a mere bugger-boy. Something to screw at night."

Lysias suppressed his rising anger.

"Sirs, I see in Antinous what I myself would like to be, but am not. Antinous accepted to be Hadrian's eromenos not in childlike subservience or in willing submission to a power fuck, but because of his respect and affection for the man Hadrian. Does age really matter if you love someone? Yes, it's true his relationship with Caesar placed him at the heart of the universe, at the heart of our times. But it survived because the man Hadrian had matching needs and character.

Yes, by becoming companion to Caesar he entered into his own legend, his own Homeric saga. He could echo Odysseus, Hector, Achilles, and Alexander rolled into one, but alive now, today, in our times, not just in dusty scrolls. Antinous brought delight into the hearts of all who knew him."

"This is nonsense," Clarus probed sarcastically. "What has he done with his life? What has he achieved? He was a Homeric hero who enacted no heroism."

"You may think so, sir. Yet he existed alive before our eyes to show us how what matters in life is not who or what one loves, it is the very fact of being able to love, the act of loving and being loved. Sex is a stepping stone to that realization. This revelation is enough for those who were captivated by him. I happily was such a one, and I believe too Great Caesar is."

"Do you, Greek, love him too?"

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Tell me, Lysias of Bithynia, is there anyone centered in your life other than Thais, or do you impose on your slaves or engage in other diversions for bodily satisfaction?" the biographer continued.

"No, Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus, there are neither slaves nor 'diversions' in my life," Lysias replied. "I offer my four-year relationship as eromenos to my erastes Lucius Vibullius Tiberius Claudius Herodes Atticus of Athens as evidence of my honorable morals. Our lengthy liaison was concluded only last year at Rome.

I ceased being his eromenos just prior to Herodes' announcement of his marriage to Annia Regilla of the Annii, a worthy and noble patrician family of Rome," Lysias regaled his inquisitors.

"I see you are indeed a man of passion? You agree then, Bithynian, you may have inflicted lesions of passion upon your school chum's neck on the day of his death?" Suetonius probed unhesitatingly. "At the front?"

Lysias blushed beneath his soldierly, suntanned features. "It's possible. Very possible."