Annie Auerbach - Despicable Me 2

“Hmm… interesting,” Silas says, studying it.

“But it’s not him. It’s El Macho!” Gru says again.

“Mr. Gru, please,” says Silas.

“No! It is him! And I will prove it!” Gru declares, and storms out.

Back home, Gru sits with his laptop, searching the Internet for articles on El Macho. Multiple matches pop up. Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

“Gru! It’s Jillian!” a voice calls from outside.

Gru’s eyes grow wide in horror.

“I have my friend Shannon here with me! I was thinking you two could get some grub. You know, tear it up! See what happens!” Jillian yells through the door.

Gru fills with panic. He sees Agnes skipping by and whisper-yells to her, “Agnes! Quick—tell Jillian I’m not here!”

Agnes nods and calls to the door. “Gru’s not here!”

Jillian replies, “Are you sure?”

“Yes! He just told me!” Agnes responds proudly. Gru shakes his head wildly at Agnes, who looks confused. “I mean, no, he didn’t just tell me!”

Jillian knows something is up and asks, “Agnes, where is Gru?”

Gru does a quick series of gestures at Agnes, trying to get her to tell Jillian that he’s not home. But Agnes doesn’t understand and keeps guessing like they are playing charades.

“He’s putting on lipstick! He’s swatting at flies! He’s doing jazz hands!” Gru grits his teeth and clenches his fists in frustration. Agnes thinks she’s finally got it. “Oh! He’s pooping!”

Jillian has had enough and calls her final threat through the door. “I know you’re in there, Gru! There’s no getting out of this!” Gru sighs, realizing he’s going to have to go through with it. Then he spots the wig he got from Floyd.

Gru and his date, Shannon, sit at a booth in a restaurant. Shannon has a fake, unnaturally orange tan and is dressed in a tacky leopard-print dress.

“I have to tell you,” begins Shannon. “I was so nervous about tonight. I mean, there’s just so many phonies out there.”

Gru laughs awkwardly, as he is actually wearing the wig. He desperately hopes she won’t notice.

“So do you work out? I mean, obviously, you don’t. But would you consider it? Physical fitness is very important to Shannon,” she says, vainly referring to herself in the third person. “You can tell, right?” She drops to the ground and starts doing push-ups next to their table.

“We are in a restaurant, you know,” he whispers to her, feeling even more uncomfortable.

Just then, Lucy walks into the restaurant. She is picking up an order to go. Gru doesn’t see her, but she sees Gru. She spots him with the wig and Shannon. “Gru is on a date,” she says to herself. Then an idea pops in her head. She presses the button on her watch, which transforms into a high-tech eavesdropping device. She puts it in her ear and is now able to hear Gru and Shannon talking.

“Your accent is so exotic,” Shannon squawks at Gru.

“Ah, well, thank you very much,” says Gru.

“I know someone who can fix that for you,” Shannon blurts out. “You’ll be talking normal in no time.”

Gru starts to sweat. “Ha-ha. Hoo! Is it hot in here?” He wipes his brow and accidentally shifts the wig on his head.

Shannon stares at Gru’s hair. “Wait a minute. Are you wearing a wig?”

“What? I don’t think so,” says Gru.

“I knew it! You’re a phony! I hate phonies!” exclaims Shannon. “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to rip that thing off your head and show everyone what a bald-headed phony you are!”

Gru watches in horror as Shannon reaches across the table for the wig.

Back by the hostess stand, Lucy, who has heard everything, shakes her head. “I don’t think so, Miss Lady!”

Quickly, Lucy pushes another button on her watch, which fires a mini-dart at Shannon. The dart goes into Shannon’s bottom, knocking her out instantly—and saving Gru from certain humiliation.

Gru stares at the now-sleeping Shannon, confused. “Hello? Are you…?”

“Hey, Gru,” Lucy says as she walks up to him.

He immediately removes the wig and tries to act casual. “Hello, Lucy. How you doin’?”

Noticing Shannon, Lucy says, “Wow. Looks like your date’s out for the count. Almost as if she’s been hit with a moose tranquilizer.” She winks. “Yeah, I’m winking because that’s what actually happened.”

Shannon, still woozy, makes a loud moose noise, then passes out again.

Gru looks up at Lucy, realizing what she did for him. He is impressed and grateful. “Well, thank you.”

Lucy gestures to Shannon. “Shall we take her home?”

Gru nods, and together they carry Shannon out of the restaurant. When they get her into Lucy’s car, it’s too cramped with all three of them. So they end up strapping her to the roof as if she were a deer!

Once Shannon is on her own front porch, Gru and Lucy sit on the front steps of Shannon’s house.

“Well, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever,” Lucy tells him.

“Humph, tell me about it.” Gru groans.

“Don’t worry. It can only get better from here, right?” Lucy says. “But if it doesn’t, you can always borrow my dart gun. I’ve had to use it on one or two dates myself. Well, good night, partner. This was fun.”

Gru smiles as the word partner seems to mean something slightly different than before. “Yes, surprisingly, it was.”

Lucy places a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, and, uh, just between you and me, you look much better bald.”

Gru gazes at Lucy. Something is happening. Could it be? Is it possible? Is Gru falling in love?

Brrriiinnnggg!

Gru reaches out and turns off his alarm clock. He rises, puts on his bunny slippers, and is ready to greet the day. He hums to himself as if he has music bouncing around in his head. At breakfast, he serves the girls heart-shaped pancakes.

“So I take it the date went well?” asks Margo.

“No! It was horrible!” Gru says, and laughs gleefully.

The girls exchange looks. What?!

Agnes looks overjoyed to see that Gru is clearly in love with someone.

Gru skips out of the room and makes his way to work. He cheerfully strolls down the sidewalk. Passing a mailman, he gives him a high five. He fist bumps a police officer. He stops traffic so a family of ducks can cross the street. He plays Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of college students. He even joins a group of old ladies doing Tai Chi. It’s like he’s a whole new Gru!

At the shopping mall, Gru practically dances his way to the cupcake shop. But everything comes to a screeching halt when he sees that the Eagle Hair Club is closed. Gru spots Silas and some AVL agents walking out.