R. LaFevers - Theodosia and the Serpents of Chaos

After I buttered up my parents by taking them their tea, I started in on Mum, insisting she inventory all the things she’d brought back. Maybe something in one of the unopened crates was causing this sensation. Finally, in complete exasperation, she caved. “But only because it must be done anyway, Theodosia. Not because of this melodrama you’re inventing.”

Doesn’t she realize I have enough work to do around here without making things up?

We’d been down in short-term storage for almost an hour when Henry came thumping loudly down the stairs.

“What was that again, Mum? I couldn’t hear you because somebody was making too much racket.”

“This crate has six steles, each with war scenes on it,” she repeated.

I made a note in the ledger in front of me. “Next?”

“Mum,” Henry interrupted. “Dad says you’re to come at once. That blasted old fool Snowthorpe’s here.”

“Henry!”

Henry shrugged. “Sorry. Those were his exact words.”

With a sigh of exasperation, Mother got to her feet and brushed off her skirts. “What does he want, I wonder?”

Lord Snowthorpe is some muckety-muck high up at the British Museum whom Father used to work for. None of us like him much, especially Father. He’s a greasy fellow, and whenever he pays us a visit, Father falls into one of his moods for at least two days.

I thought briefly of staying and continuing on with the inventory without Mother, but sometimes interesting things happen when Snowthorpe’s about. I decided to follow her. I turned to Henry. “You coming?”

“Nah. I think I’ll stay down here.”

I saw the keen way he stared at the exposed weapons we’d just inventoried. “Come on,” I urged. “You can’t be down here alone.”

“Says who?”

“Me. Now come along. We’ll spy on Snowthorpe, if it makes you feel any better.”

His face brightened at this and he followed me up the stairs, sounding like a herd of hippopotami the whole way. How does he think to spy if he can’t keep quiet?

When we reached the top of the stairs, I put my hand back to shush him. Lord Snowthorpe was leaning against one of the marble columns in the foyer, tapping his cane impatiently against the floor. Mother and Father were nowhere to be seen. Must be bracing themselves.

Snowthorpe’s a tall man with a hooked nose and a very red face, as if he’d stayed out in the sun too long. He’s got a tremendously round belly that he can barely manage to stuff into his coat and a superior air about him that would choke a pharaoh.

Just as I wondered if Mother and Father were making him wait on purpose, I heard a faint hiss from above. I looked up to find Isis poised in a crouch at the top of the balcony under which Snowthorpe stood.

Before I could do anything, she screeched, sounding more like a panther at the zoo than a cat, and flew at Lord Snowthorpe.

As her sharp claws dug into his shoulders, he gave a mighty bellow and tried to reach around and snatch her off his back.

While I ran forward to rescue Isis, Henry sniggered.

At Snowthorpe’s shout, Mother and Father came running, and soon it was true pandemonium as we all tried to pry Isis from Snowthorpe’s back without ripping his morning coat or hurting Isis. Although the way Father was going on, I suspect I was the only one worried about Isis.

Finally, Father got the cat untangled from the coat and shoved her at me. “Take this accursed cat, Theodosia, and get her out of here. Now!”

Isis struggled in my arms, whirling like a dervish, trying to escape. With one excellently placed swipe of her claws, she leaped from my arms and ricocheted back into the bowels of the museum.

Everyone was going on as if Snowthorpe had nearly been murdered and scowling at me like it was all my fault!

After everyone fussed over Snowthorpe a bit, he finally got down to business, looking significantly less jolly than when he’d first come in.

“I say, Throckmorton. The reason I’ve come down here is because I’d heard you’d found Thutmose Ill’s Heart of Egypt. Been waiting all my life to see one of those, and I thought you might appreciate the chance to show it off.”

The minute he said “Heart of Egypt” I knew. That’s what was missing. Of course!

Mother was dying to show off her newest find and toddled off to fetch it.

I followed her, leaving Henry to spy solo. The two men would only sip tea and murmur stupid things about the weather. Surely, even Henry could manage that.

When I caught up to Mother she glanced over at me. “You’re going to have to do something about that cat of yours, darling. She’s gone feral on you.”

“Not feral, Mum. Demonic, more like,” I said under my breath.

As I followed Mum, it occurred to me that I had no idea where they’d hidden the Heart of Egypt. At last she reached the upstairs workroom and went to the far back wall and moved a section of books from the second shelf. There was an old tapestry hanging on the wall behind it (Late Medieval period). What an odd spot for a tapestry!

Mother pushed it aside and revealed a small safe.

Honestly! No one tells me anything.

I stood on tiptoe and tried to look over her shoulder as she spun through the combination, but she was too quick for me. She swung open the safe door and revealed a much larger chamber inside, containing all sorts of bulky wrapped objects. What else were they keeping in there that I didn’t know about?

She reached in and found the velvet wrapping that had covered the Heart of Egypt and pulled it out of the safe. Carefully, she unwrapped it. When she lifted the last of the velvet away, we found ourselves staring at a dull black object.

It was not the Heart of Egypt.

“IT’S GONE!” MOTHER GASPED, then whirled around to face me.

The thing in her hand was shaped like a real heart and made of blackest black. On the front of it, a coiled serpent — Apep — was painted in gold leaf.

“Whatever shall I tell Snowthorpe?” Mum cried. “Oh, whatever shall I tell your father? ” she asked with true distress in her voice. She shoved the black heart at me, then turned back to the wall to lock up the safe. As my hand closed around the artifact, I braced myself, expecting to feel curses rolling off it in waves.

But there was nothing.

I studied the cold black stone, then leaned closer to sniff it. No trace of sulfur. I rubbed one of my fingers along the surface, but there was no oily residue. I set the stone heart on one of the shelves, near the back, where hopefully no one else would see it before I had a chance to conduct a few more tests.

Mum finished locking up the safe, then headed for the door. “We can’t tell Snowthorpe it’s missing. I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking us amateurs.”

“Mum?” I asked as I followed her out of the room.

“What is it, Theodosia?” she asked impatiently.

“Did you tell Snowthorpe about the Heart of Egypt? I mean, how did he know about it? You’ve only been back a few days.”

Still puzzling out what to tell everyone, Mum waved her hand in the air. “I didn’t announce the find, if that’s what you mean. But I did have to declare it to get it out of the country.”

“Yes, but did you declare it to Snowthorpe?”

“Of course not, Theo. I imagine someone he knew got wind of it.”

Perhaps, but who would that someone be? And how would they have learned about it so quickly? Mother had it carefully hidden on her person during the whole trip. She hadn’t even wired Father to let him know she was bringing it home.