Vitaliy Voskoboinikov - Selected drama. Second edition

Mr. Burps: Ma-fa-ta. Boo-foo-woo-woo (invites Mr. Higgs to help him)

Mr. Higgs: He says he’s tremendously sorry, Ma’am, for such visiting manner. He meant a surprise for you, but there’s been an accident.

Mrs. Scott: Oh, Alex! What a surprise? Are you a madman to play with your life?

Mr. Burps stands up producing from the bosom of his jacket a snip of flower intending to give it to Elisa.

Elisa: Oh, no! Don’t you approach me! Mama!

Eugene: Don’t! Don’t! D’you hear me? (intervening)

Mr. Burps sits back still booing and waving the flower snip.

Mr. Higgs: As I understand, Mr. Alexander gives warmest compliments to the young lady. Well, my duty’s done. I have to be going.

Mrs. Scott: Please, stay a bit, Mr. Dog Whisperer. We need you.

Mr. Higgs stays. The four sit on the sofa but Mr. Burps who starts walking around blabbing.

Elisa: Mr. Higgs, what’s he saying now?

Mr. Higgs: Sorry, Miss, but it seems to me he wants a pee…

Mrs. Scott: A what?

Mr. Higgs: A pee.

Mr. Burps nods booing and gesticulating.

Eugene: Disgrace! Unbearable! Elisa, send THIS packing! (meaning Mr. Burps)

Elisa: How can I? It’s my Mom’s guest, a surprise, you see? (sniggers fatuously)

Mr. Burps goes down on all fours and moves about dog-like jabbering.

Mrs. Scott: What’s to be done? Mr. Higgs, could you send for a doctor?

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