Алан Милн - Belinda

DEVENISH. It was before I met you, lady. They were addressed to the goddess of my imagination. It is only in these last few weeks that I have discovered her.

BELINDA. And discovered she was dark and not fair.

DEVENISH. She will be dark in my next volume.

BELINDA. Oh, how nice of her!

BAXTER ( kindly ). You should write a real poem to Mrs. Tremayne.

BELINDA ( excitedly ). Oh do! "To Belinda." I don't know what rhymes, except cinder. You could say your heart was like a cinder—all burnt up.

DEVENISH ( pained ). Oh, my lady, I'm afraid that is a cockney rhyme.

BELINDA. How thrilling! I've never been to Hampstead Heath.

DEVENISH. "Belinda." It is far too beautiful to rhyme with anything but itself.

BELINDA. Fancy! But what about Tremayne? ( Singing .) Oh, I am Mrs. Tremayne, and I don't want to marry again.

DEVENISH ( protesting ). My lady!

BAXTER ( protesting ). Belinda!

BELINDA ( pointing excitedly to BAXTER). There, that's the first time he's called me Belinda! This naughty boy—( indicating DEVENISH)—is always doing it—by accident.

DEVENISH. Are you serious?

BELINDA. Not as a rule.

DEVENISH. You're not going to marry again?

BELINDA. Well, who could I marry?

DEVENISH and BAXTER ( together ). Me!

BELINDA ( dropping her eyes modestly ). But this is England.

BAXTER ( rising and taking off his hat, which he places on table, and going up to BELINDA). Mrs. Tremayne, I claim the right of age—of my greater years—to speak first.

DEVENISH. Mrs. Tremayne, I—

BELINDA ( kindly to DEVENISH). You can speak afterwards, Mr. Devenish. It's so awkward when you both speak together. ( To BAXTER, giving encouragement .) Yes?

BAXTER ( moving down a little and then returning to BELINDA). Mrs. Tremayne, I am a man of substantial position—(DEVENISH sniggers— to BAXTER'S great annoyance .) and perhaps I may say of some repute in serious circles.

(DEVENISH sniggers again .)

All that I have, whether of material or mental endowment, I lay at your feet, together with an admiration which I cannot readily put into words. As my wife I think you would be happy, and I feel that with you by my side I could achieve even greater things.

BELINDA. How sweet of you! But I ought to tell you that I'm no good at figures.

DEVENISH ( protesting ). My lady—

BELINDA. I don't mean what you mean, Mr. Devenish. You wait till it's your turn. ( To BAXTER.) Yes?

BAXTER ( very formally ). I ask you to marry me, Belinda.

BELINDA ( settling herself happily and closing her eyes ). O–oh!… Now it's your turn, Mr. Devenish.

DEVENISH ( excitedly ). Money—thank Heaven, I have no money. Reputation—thank Heaven, I have no reputation.

(BAXTER, very annoyed, moves down and sits on deck–chair .)

What can I offer you? Dreams—nothing but dreams. Come with me and I will show you the world through my dreams. What can I give you? Youth, freedom, beauty—

BAXTER. Debts.

BELINDA ( still with her eyes shut ). You mustn't interrupt, Mr. Baxter.

DEVENISH ( leaning across hammock ). Belinda, marry me and I will open your eyes to the beauty of the world. Come to me!

BELINDA ( happily ). O–oh! You've got such different ways of putting things. How can I choose between you?

DEVENISH. Then you will marry one of us?

BELINDA. You know I really oughtn't to.

BAXTER. I don't see why not.

BELINDA. Well, there's just a little difficulty in the way.

DEVENISH. What is it? I will remove it. For you I could remove anything —yes, even Baxter. ( He looks at BAXTER, who is sitting more solidly than ever in his chair .)

BELINDA. And anyhow I should have to choose between you.

DEVENISH ( in a whisper ), choose me.

BAXTER ( stiffly ). Mrs. Tremayne does not require any prompting. A fair field and let the best man win.

DEVENISH ( going across to and slapping the astonished BAXTER on the back ). Aye, let the best man win! Well spoken, Baxter. (BAXTER is very annoyed. To BELINDA and going back to her L.) Send us out into the world upon some knightly quest, lady, and let the victor be rewarded.

BAXTER. I—er—ought to say that I should be unable to go very far. I have an engagement to speak at Newcastle on the 2lst.

DEVENISH. Baxter, I will take no unfair advantage of you. Let the beard of the Lord Mayor of Newcastle be the talisman that my lady demands; I am satisfied.

BAXTER. This sort of thing is entirely contrary to my usual mode of life, but I will not be outfaced by a mere boy. ( Rising .) I am prepared. ( Going to her .)

DEVENISH. Speak, lady.

BELINDA ( speaking in a deep, mysterious voice ). Gentlemen, ye put wild thoughts into my head. In sooth, I am minded to send ye forth upon a quest that is passing strange. Know ye that there is a maid journeyed hither, hight Robinson—whose—( in her natural voice ) what's the old for aunt?

BAXTER ( hopefully ). Mother's sister.

BELINDA. You know, I think I shall have to explain this in ordinary language. You won't mind very much, will you, Mr. Devenish?

DEVENISH. It is the spirit of this which matters, not the language which clothes it.

BELINDA. Oh, I'm so glad you think so. Well, now about Miss Robinson. She's my niece and she's just come to stay with me, and—poor girl— she's lost her father. Absolutely lost him. He disappeared ever such a long time ago, and poor Miss Robinson—Delia—naturally wants to find him. Poor girl! she can't think where he is.

DEVENISH ( nobly ). I will find him.

BELINDA. Oh, thank you, Mr. Devenish; Miss Robinson would be so much obliged.

BAXTER. Yes—er—but what have we to go upon? Beyond the fact that his name is Robinson—

BELINDA. I shouldn't go on that too much. You see, he may easily have changed it by now. He was never very much of a Robinson. Nothing to do with Peter or any of those.

DEVENISH. I will find him.

BAXTER ( with a look of annoyance at DEVENISH). Well, can you tell us what he's like?

BELINDA. Well, it's such a long time since I saw him. ( Looking down modestly .) Of course, I was quite a girl then. The only thing I know for certain is that he has a mole on his left arm about here. ( She indicates a spot just below the elbow . BAXTER examines it closely .)

DEVENISH ( folding his arms and looking nobly upwards ). I will find him.

BAXTER. I am bound to inform you, Mrs. Tremayne, that even a trained detective could not give you very much hope in such a case. However, I will keep a look–out for him, and, of course, if—

DEVENISH. Fear not, lady, I will find him.

BAXTER ( annoyed ). Yes, you keep on saying that, but what have you got to go on?

DEVENISH ( grandly ). Faith! The faith which moves mountains.

BELINDA. Yes, and this is only just one small mole–hill, Mr. Baxter.

BAXTER. Yes, but still—

BELINDA. S'sh! here is Miss Robinson.

(BAXTER takes up his hat and moves below the deck–chair to R. to meet DELIA.)

If Mr. Devenish will hold the hammock while I alight—we don't want an accident—

(DELIA comes out of the house .)

—I can introduce you. ( He helps her to get out, holding the hammock .) Thank you. Delia darling (DELIA moves down R.) this is Mr. Baxter,—and Mr. Devenish. My niece, Miss Robinson—