Tom Stoppard - Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead

Audiences know what to expect, and that is all that they are prepared to believe in. ( To the SPIES: ) Show!

The SPIES die at some length, rather well. The light has begun to go, and it fades as they die, and as GUIL speaks.

GUIL: No, no, no… you've got it all wrong… you can't act death. The fact of it is nothing to do with seeing it happen –it's not gasps and blood and falling about-that isn't what makes it death. It's just a man failing to reappear, that's all –now you see him, now you don't, that the only thing that's real: here one minute and gone the next and never coming back-an exit, unobtrusive and unannounced, a disappearance gathering weight as it goes on, until, finally, it is heavy with death.

The two SPIES lie still, barely visible. The PLAYER Comes forward and throws the SPIES' cloaks over their bodies. ROS starts to clap, slowly. BLACKOUT. A second of silence, then much noise. Shouts. "The King rises!-… "Give o'er the play!" and cries for "Lights lights, lightsl" When the light comes, after a few seconds, it comes a sunrise. The stage is empty save for two cloaked figures sprawl, the ground in the approximate positions last held by the dead SPIES. As the light grows, they are seen to be ROS and GUIL and to be resting quite comfortably. ROS raises himself elbows and shades his eyes as he stares into the audience. Finally:

ROS: That must be cast, then. I think we can assume that

GUIL: I'm assuming nothing.

ROS: No, it's all right. That the sun. East.

GUIL ( looks up ) : Where?

ROS: I watched it come up.

GUIL: No… it was light all the time, you see, and you a your eyes very, very slowly. If you'd been facing back there you'd be swearing that was east.

ROS ( standing up ) : You're a mass of prejudice.

GUIL: I've been taken in before.

ROS ( looks out over the audience ) : Rings a bell.

GUIL: They're waiting to see what were going to do.

ROS: Good old east

GUIL: As soon as we make a move they'll come pouring every side, shouting obscure instructions, confusing ridiculous remarks, messing us about from here to breakfast and getting our names wrong.

ROS starts to protest but he has hardly opened his mouth before:

CLAUDIUS ( off stage-with urgency ) : Ho, Guildenstern!

GUIL is still prone. Small pause.

ROS AND GUIL: You're wanted…

GUIL furiously leaps to his feet as CLAUDIUS and GERTRUDE enter. They are in some desperation.

CLAUDIUS: Friends both, go join you with some further aid: Hamlet in madness hath Polonius slain, and from his mother's closet hath he dragged him. Go seek him out; speak fair and bring the body into the chapel. I pray you haste in this. ( As he and GERTRUDE are hurrying out. ) Come Gertrude, well call up our wisest friends and lot them know both what we mean to do…

They've gone. ROS and GUIL remain quite still.

GUIL: Well…

ROS: Quite.

GUIL: Well, then.

ROS: Quite, quite. ( Nods with spurious confidence. ) Seek him out. ( Pause. ) Etcetera.

GUIL: Quite.

ROS: Well. ( Small pause. ) Well, that's a step in the right direction.

GUIL: You didn't like him?

ROS: Who?

GUIL: Good God, I hope more tears are shed for us!

ROS: Well, it's progress, isn't it? Something positive. Seek him out. ( Looks round without moving his feet. ) Where does one begin… ? ( Takes one step towards the wings and halts. )

GUIL: Well, that's a step in the right direction.

ROS: You think so? He could be anywhere.

GUIL: All right-you go that way, I'll go this way.

ROS: Right.

They walk towards opposite wings. ROShalts.

N o.

GUILhalts.

You go this way-I'll go that way.

GUIL: All right.

They march towards each other, cross. ROS halts.

ROS: Wait a minute.

GUILhalts.

I think we should stick together. He might be violent.

GUIL: Good point. I'll come with you.

GUIL marches across to ROS . They turn to leave. ROS halts.

ROS: No, I’ll come with you.

GUIL: Right.

They turn, march across to the opposite wing. ROS halls. GUIL halts.

ROS: I'll come with you, my way.

GUIL: All right.

They turn again and march across. ROS halts. GUIL halts.

ROS: I've just thought. If we both go, he could come here. That would be stupid, wouldn't it?

GUIL: All right-I'll stay, you go.

ROS: Right.

GUILmarches to midstage.

I say.

GUIL wheels and carries on marching back towards ROS , who starts marching downstage. They cross. ROShalts.

I've just thought.

GUILhalts.

We ought to stick together; he might be violent.

GUIL: Good point.

GUIL marches down to join ROS. They stand still for a moment in their original positions.

Well, at last we're getting somewhere.

Pause.

Of course, he might not come.

ROS ( airily ) : Oh, he'll come.

GUIL: We'd have some explaining to do.

ROS: He'll come. ( Airily wanders upstage. ) Don't worry-take my word for it- ( Looks out-is appalled. ) He's coming!

GUIL: What's he doing?

ROS: Walking.

GUIL: Alone?

ROS: No.

GUIL: Not walking?

ROS: No.

GUIL: Who's with him?

ROS: The old man.

GUIL: Walking?

ROS: No.

GUIL: Ah. That's an opening if ever there was one. ( And is suddenly galvanized into action. ) Let him walk into the trap!

ROS: What trap?

GUIL: You stand there! Don't let him pass!

He positions ROS with his back to one wing, facing HAMLET 's entrance. GUIL positions himself next to ROS , a few feet away they are covering one side of the stage, facing the opposite side. GUIL unfastens his belt. ROS does the same. They join the two belts, and hold them taut between them. it trousers slide slowly down. HAMLET enters opposite, slowly, dragging POLONIUS 's body. He enters upstage, makes a small arc and leaves by side, a few feet downstage. ROS and GUIL , holding the belts taut, stare at him in some bewilderment. HAMLET leaves, dragging the body. They relax the the belts.

ROS: That was close.

GUIL: There's a limit to what two people can do.

They undo the belts. ROS pulls up his trousers.

ROS ( worriedly –he walks a few paces towards HAMLET) : was dead.

GUIL: Of course he's dead!

ROS ( turns to GUIL) : Properly.

GUIL: ( angrily ) : Death's death, isn't it?

ROSfalls silent. Pause.

Perhaps hell come back this way.

ROSstarts to take off his belt.

No, no, no!-if we can't learn by experience, what else have we got?

ROS desists. Pause.

ROS: Give him a shout.

GUIL: I thought we'd been into all that.

ROS ( shouts ) : Hamlet!

GUIL: Don't be absurd.

ROS ( shouts ) : Lord Hamlet!

HAMLET enters. ROSis a little dismayed.

What have you done, my lord, with the dead body?

HAMLET: Compounded it with dust, whereto is kin.

ROS: Tell us where 'tis, that we may take it thence and bear it to the chapel.

HAMLET: Do not believe it.

ROS: Believe what?

HAMLET: That I can keep your counsel and not mine own. Besides, to be demanded of a sponge, what replication should be made by the son of a king?

ROS: Take you me for a sponge, my lord?