George Bernard Shaw - Pygmalion and Three Other Plays

HECTOR And what may my business as an Englishman be, pray?

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER Navigation. Learn it and live; or leave it and be damned.

ELLIE Quiet, quiet: you’ll tire yourself.

MAZZINI I thought all that once, Captain; but I assure you nothing will happen.

A dull distant explosion is heard.

HECTOR [ starting up ] What was that?

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER Something happening [ he blows his whistle ] . Breakers ahead!

The light goes out.

HECTOR [ furiously ] Who put that light out? Who dared put that light out?

NURSE GUINNESS [ running in from the house to the middle of the esplanade ] I did, sir. The police have telephoned to say we’ll be summoned if we don’t put that light out: it can be seen for miles.

HECTOR It shall be seen for a hundred miles [ he dashes into the house ] .

NURSE GUINNESS The rectory is nothing but a heap of bricks, they say. Unless we can give the rector a bed he has nowhere to lay his head this night.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER The Church is on the rocks, breaking up. I told him it would unless it headed for God’s open sea.

NURSE GUINNESS And you are all to go down to the cellars.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER Go there yourself, you and all the crew. Batten down the hatches.

NURSE GUINNESS And hide beside the coward I married! I’ll go on the roof first. [ The lamp lights up again. ] There! Mr Hushabye’s turned it on again.

THE BURGLAR [ hurrying in and appealing to NURSE GUINNESS] Here: where’s the way to that gravel pit? The boot-boy says there’s a cave in the gravel pit. Them cellars is no use. Where’s the gravel pit, Captain?

NURSE GUINNESS Go straight on past the flagstaff until you fall into it and break your dirty neck. [ She pushes him contemptuously towards the flagstaff,andherself goes to the foot of the hammock and waits there, as it were by Ariadne’s cradle. ]

Another and louder explosion is heard. The burglar stops and stands trembling.

ELLIE [ rising ] That was nearer.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER The next one will get us. [He rises.] Stand by, all hands, for judgment.

THE BURGLAR Oh my Lordy God! [He rushes away frantically past the flagstaff into the gloom.]

MRS HUSHABYE [ emerging panting from the darkness ] Who was that running away? [ She comes to ELLIE. ] Did you hear the explosions? And the sound in the sky: it’s splendid: it’s like an orchestra: it’s like Beethoven.

ELLIE By thunder, Hesione: it is Beethoven.

She and HESIONE throw themselves into one another’s arms in wild excitement. The light increases.

MAZZINI [ anxiously ] The light is getting brighter.

NURSE GUINNESS [ looking up at the house ] It’s Mr Hushabye turning on all the lights in the house and tearing down the curtains.

RANDALL [ rushing in in his pyjamas, distractedly waving a flute ] Ariadne, my soul, my precious, go down to the cellars: I beg and implore you, go down to the cellars!

LADY UTTERWORD [ quite composed in her hammock ] The governor’s wife in the cellars with the servants! Really, Randall!

RANDALL But what shall I do if you are killed?

LADY UTTERWORD You will probably be killed, too, Randall. Now play your flute to show that you are not afraid; and be good. Play us “Keep the home fires burning.”

NURSE GUINNESS [ grimly ] They’ll keep the home fires burning for us: them up there.

RANDALL [ having tried to play ] My lips are trembling. I can’t get a sound.

MAZZINI I hope poor Mangan is safe.

MRS HUSHABYE He is hiding in the cave in the gravel pit.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER My dynamite drew him there. It is the hand of God.

HECTOR [ returning from the house and striding across to his former place ] There is not half light enough. We should be blazing to the skies.

ELLIE [ tense with excitement ] Set fire to the house, Marcus.

MRS HUSHABYE My house! No.

HECTOR I thought of that; but it would not be ready in time.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER The judgment has come. Courage will not save you; but it will show that your souls are still live.

MRS HUSHABYE Sh-sh! Listen: do you hear it now? It’s magnificent.

They all turn away from the house and look up, listening.

HECTOR [ gravely ] Miss Dunn, you can do no good here. We of this house are only moths flying into the candle. You had better go down to the cellar.

ELLIE [ scornfully ] I don’t think.

MAZZINI Ellie, dear, there is no disgrace in going to the cellar. An officer would order his soldiers to take cover. Mr Hushabye is behaving like an amateur. Mangan and the burglar are acting very sensibly; and it is they who will survive.

ELLIE Let them. I shall behave like an amateur. But why should you run any risk?

MAZZINI Think of the risk those poor fellows up there are running!

NURSE GUINNESS Think of them, indeed, the murdering blackguards! What next?

A terrific explosion shakes the earth. They reel back into their seats, or clutch the nearest support. They hear the falling of the shattered glass from the windows.

MAZZINI Is anyone hurt?

HECTOR Where did it fall?

NURSE GUINNESS [ in hideous triumph ] Right in the gravel pit: I seen it. Serve un right! I seen it [ she runs away towards the gravel pit, laughing harshly ] .

HECTOR One husband gone.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER Thirty pounds of good dynamite wasted.

MAZZINI Oh, poor Mangan!

HECTOR Are you immortal that you need pity him? Our turn next.

They wait in silence and intense expectation. HESIONE and ELLIE hold each other’s hand tight.

A distant explosion is heard.

MRS HUSHABYE [ relaxing her grip ] Oh! they have passed us.

LADY UTTERWORD The danger is over, Randall. Go to bed.

CAPTAIN SHOTOVER Turn in, all hands. The ship is safe. [ He sits down and goes asleep. ]

ELLIE [ disappointedly ] Safe!

HECTOR [ disgustedly ] Yes, safe. And how damnably dull the world has become again suddenly! [ He sits down. ]

MAZZINI [ sitting down ] I was quite wrong, after all. It is we who have survived; and Mangan and the burglar —

HECTOR — the two burglars —

LADY UTTERWORD — the two practical men of business —

MAZZINI — both gone. And the poor clergyman will have to get a new house.

MRS HUSHABYE But what a glorious experience! I hope they’ll come again tomorrow night.

ELLIE [ radiant at the prospect ] Oh, I hope so.

RANDALL at last succeeds in keeping the home fires burning [322] Allusion to English composer Ivor Novello’s popular World War I song “Keep the Home Fires Burning” (1915). on his flute.

For many of the footnotes and endnotes of this edition, and especially where I have not been able to track a reference myself, I have relied mainly on two sources: the series of selected Shaw plays (Major Barbara, The Doctor’s Dilemma, Pygmalion, Heartbreak House) annotated by A. C. Ward in the 1950s and 1960s, published by Longmans, Green and Co; and The Complete Prefaces, vols. 1 and 2, annotated by Dan H. Laurence and Daniel J. Leary, published by Allen Lane, Penguin Press, 1993, 1995.

MAJOR BARBARA

1 (p. 5) they conclude that I am echoing Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Ibsen, Strindberg, Tolstoy: Shaw is naming several controversial figures of his time: German philosophers Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 — 1860) and Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900); Norwegian playwright and poet Henrik Johan Ibsen (1828 — 1906); Swedish playwright and novelist August Strindberg (1849 — 19 12); and Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910).