Peter Handke - The Ride Across Lake Constance and Other Plays

VON STROHEIM

( Returns to the table. As a teacher ) And now to the practical application: someone fondles an object or leans against it?

GEORGE

The proprietor.

VON STROHEIM

Someone moves with hunched shoulders among objects, makes a curve around them?

GEORGE

The guest.

VON STROHEIM

Someone who is squinting holds an object in his hand?

GEORGE

The thief.

JANNINGS

Someone fondles an object because it belongs to him. Because someone fondles an object, does it belong to him?

VON STROHEIM

Unless you prove the opposite.

JANNINGS

Someone with an object in his hand begins to squint. Because he has stolen it?

VON STROHEIM

Unless he proves his innocence.

JANNINGS

Someone suddenly puckers up his mouth and nose. ( He shows how. ) Because he’s afraid and a coward?

VON STROHEIM

Unless his actions prove the opposite.

JANNINGS

But if there’s nothing to do?

VON STROHEIM

What else would he be afraid of?

JANNINGS

I don’t understand that.

VON STROHEIM

What you’re sitting on is an easy chair, isn’t it?

JANNINGS

Yes.

VON STROHEIM

Or is it perhaps a life preserver? (JANNINGS laughs at this extraordinary suggestion. ) It seems just as ridiculous to you when I claim that you are sitting on a life preserver as it would to claim that someone’s mouth and nose pucker up ( He imitates it .) because he feels like doing something.

( Pause. )

JANNINGS

But an easy chair is an easy chair, and an expression ( He makes one .) is an expression. How can the two be compared?

VON STROHEIM

I will demonstrate to you how one can. ( Pause. They all wait. Pause. VON STROHEIM suddenly ) What do you have in your mouth? (JANNINGS quickly takes the cigar out of his mouth and puts it out. VON STROHEIM smiles.) Why is your collar button open? (JANNINGS nimbly closes his collar button.) You are so serious?

(JANNINGS laughs resoundingly. Pause. Quiet. Pause. )

JANNINGS

( Softly ) You have something on your nose.

VON STROHEIM

( Is about to wipe it off, hesitates, softly ) You’ve understood?

( Pause .)

JANNINGS

( Suddenly loud ) You’re just standing there, please hand me the bottle. (VON STROHEIM plays along, hands him the bottle. ) No, not that one, the other one! ( He points .) No, not that one, one can’t ask for anything any more. Yes, that’s the one! ( But he hands the bottle back to him at once .) Put it back in its place!

VON STROHEIM

( Like a teacher who is playing a student ) Why?

JANNINGS

Because you took it from its place. (VON STROHEIM nods, puts the bottle back .) No, not there. Back in its place, I said. Over there, right.

VON STROHEIM

Why precisely there?

JANNINGS

Because that’s where it stood before. (VON STROHEIM nods. ) Give me another bottle.

VON STROHEIM

Why?

JANNINGS

Because you gave me a bottle once before.

VON STROHEIM

That’s perfect! ( He hands him the bottle .)

JANNINGS

You’re standing? (VON STROHEIM wants to sit down on a sofa. ) Back in your place! (VON STROHEIM sits down in his place. Playfully JANNINGs assigns the following roles: he hits the bottle neck with a teaspoon: GEORGE gets up. JANNINGS without looking at him ) Cartwheels! (GEORGE stands there .)

VON STROHEIM

( Prompts him. ) Why?

GEORGE

Why?

JANNINGS

Because you did a cartwheel before! ( Pause. GEORGE turns a cartwheel. JANNINGS hands him the magazine. GEORGE does not yet understand this language; he doesn’t know what to do with the magazine, glances into it. ) Hand it on.

GEORGE

Why?

JANNINGS

Didn’t you also hand on the pin before? ( Pause. GEORGE hands the magazine to VON STROHEIM; he gives it back to GEORGE as if the pages were mixed up. GEORGE understands: he arranges the pages and hands the magazine back to VON STROHEIM, who puts it on the table. JANNINGS pulls the second red cloth from under the cutlery on the table and lets it drop. He points to it with the spoon. Pause.) Well?

GEORGE

Why?

JANNINGS

Didn’t you just do a cartwheel?

GEORGE

But how can you compare the two?

JANNINGS

For whom, then, did you do the cartwheel?

GEORGE

For you— ( He hesitates .)

JANNINGS

“Of course” you wanted to say, right?

GEORGE

For you, of course.

JANNINGS

If you can do a cartwheel for me, you can also pick up a cloth for me.

( Pause .)

GEORGE

( Wants to bend down for the cloth, hesitates .) But what if I don’t want to?

JANNINGS

Now it’s too late for that. All the time you did as I asked you to and never said anything. You were content until now or you would have said something. So why should you be dissatisfied now? You didn’t contradict me at any time. Why should you be allowed to contradict me now? No, what you utter now doesn’t count any more. Do as I say! ( Pause. GEORGE picks up the cloth, wants to hand it to JANNINGS , who doesn’t even bother to extend his hand, hesitates, lets it drop again “as if his hand has fallen asleep.” Pause. JANNINGS in a sensible tone of voice ) Look at the others. ( He turns his head to VON STROHEIM, then to PORTEN. VON STROHEIM goes at once with the guitar — which he takes out of the bag while walking — up to BERGNER, sits down behind her and quaintly strikes two soft chords. PORTEN sits down on JANNINGS’S knees and makes herself comfortable.) If they do as they’re told — why don’t you too?

( Pause .)

GEORGE

But why do they do it?

JANNINGS

First obey. Then we can talk about it. ( Pause. GEORGE hands him the cloth, which JANNINGS places picturesquely around PORTEN’S shoulders, and ties under her chin. To her) Well? ( She kisses him without moving her head .) Now ask!

GEORGE

Why do they do that? Why do they listen to you?

(VON STROHEIM strikes another quaint chord .)

JANNINGS

Because it is natural to them. They did it once without my saying anything while they were half asleep, or because it just happened like that. Then I said it and they did it again. Then they asked me: “May I do that for you?” and I said: “You shall!” And from then on they did it without my having to say anything. It had become the custom. I could point my foot at something and they would jump and get it. Nothing but laws of nature. People began to socialize with one another and it became the rule.

BERGNER

( On cue, as though talking in her sleep ) How are you; I’m fine, thanks. ( She sighs .)

JANNINGS

An order resulted; and for people to continue to socialize with one another, this order was made explicit: it was formulated. And once it had been formulated, people had to stick to it because, after all, they had formulated it. That’s natural, isn’t it? Say something! No, don’t say anything, I am speaking now. Don’t touch that, it’s mine! ( He pushes a candlestick away .) Don’t dare to stare at it, it’s my property! What was I talking about? Help me! No, don’t say anything. About the laws of nature. ( He takes an ashtray into his hand, then lets it drop.) Just as this ashtray obeys the law of gravity, so you obey me. Well? ( He points with his foot; GEORGE puts the ashtray back on the table .) You see? Do you believe me now? No, don’t answer, I’ll answer for you. Yes, that business with the ashtray and the force of gravity is true enough, I can imagine your answer to be. Do you know what the difference is between you and me? (GEORGE laughs as though before a joke .) No, no joke: I can imagine you sometimes, you must imagine me always. Why aren’t you laughing? By the way, this reminds me of a real joke: what’s the man’s name who invented the chair? Well? Nothing? I’ll help you. What’s the man’s name who invented the Zeppelin? ( Pause. He laughs invitingly .) You’re not laughing. O.K.! But I’ll make a note of it. Where was I? Hadn’t I asked you to remind me what else I wanted to talk about? Didn’t I see you nod? Then I only imagined that I saw you nod. Once I thought of a conversation I had with someone, and I remembered distinctly how he’d smiled when he answered me, and then it occurred to me that I had been talking to him on the telephone! The laws of nature! The trains! The ocean! He stood where you’re standing now! (GEORGE, startled, steps aside; JANNINGS bursts out laughing, again drops the ashtray. ) I’d like to pick it up for you, but I have to stick to what I said (To PORTEN), don’t I? ( She nods .) I can’t say something and then do the opposite of what I’ve said. Inconceivable! That would be a topsy-turvy world. Do you understand that? (PORTEN tries to reach backward for the ashtray.) Stop, that’s his job! (GEORGE puts the ashtray on the table , VON STROHEIM touches the guitar almost accidentally: a gentle chord .) So you understand. Just as the trains must obey a schedule so that there is no disorder, so you must obey me. That business with the trains and their schedule is probably true, you say? I dare you to tell me that! Keep quiet? Answer! (GEORGE wants to speak .) Forget it! Like a maggot that crawls across one’s palm — no, that belongs somewhere else. The ocean! What are you thinking of just now? You can’t say it? Then you’re not thinking of anything. I once lived for some time by the ocean, and since I lived there, in what categories would you guess I began to think? In the categories of low and high tide! And that’s how it is generally: ( As though to the audience) the manner in which one thinks is determined by the laws of nature! ( Again to GEORGE) For example, since I’ve started taking walks through the woods, I always think at the sight of the weak and the strong in terms of the laws of nature. And since I learned to read menus— (He pushes PORTEN from his knees and she goes quickly to the sofa, cuddles up on it, and he looks toward her.) — I think about women, whether I want to or not, in the categories of hors d’oeuvre and main dish. ( She looks at him, but one rather feels the look than actually sees it .) She doesn’t want it differently — ask her yourself. She’ll show you how. ( He snaps his fingers at her and she responds .)