Theodore Dreiser - THEODORE DREISER - Novels, Short Stories, Essays & Biographical Works

His condition was bitter in the extreme, for he did not want the miserable sum he had stolen. He did not want to be a thief. That sum or any other could never compensate for the state which he had thus foolishly doffed. It could not give him back his host of friends, his name, his house and family, nor Carrie, as he had meant to have her. He was shut out from Chicago – from his easy, comfortable state. He had robbed himself of his dignity, his merry meetings, his pleasant evenings. And for what? The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became. He began to think that he would try and restore himself to his old state. He would return the miserable thievings of the night and explain. Perhaps Moy would understand. Perhaps they would forgive him and let him come back.

By noontime the train rolled into Detroit and he began to feel exceedingly nervous. The police must be on his track by now. They had probably notified all the police of the big cities, and detectives would be watching for him. He remembered instances in which defaulters had been captured. Consequently, he breathed heavily and paled somewhat. His hands felt as if they must have something to do. He simulated interest in several scenes without which he did not feel. He repeatedly beat his foot upon the floor.

Carrie noticed his agitation, but said nothing. She had no idea what it meant or that it was important.

He wondered now why he had not asked whether this train went on through to Montreal or some Canadian point. Perhaps he could have saved time. He jumped up and sought the conductor.

“Does any part of this train go to Montreal?” he asked.

“Yes, the next sleeper back does.”

He would have asked more, but it did not seem wise, so he decided to inquire at the depot.

The train rolled into the yards, clanging and puffing.

“I think we had better go right on through to Montreal,” he said to Carrie. “I’ll see what the connections are when we get off.”

He was exceedingly nervous, but did his best to put on a calm exterior. Carrie only looked at him with large, troubled eyes. She was drifting mentally, unable to say to herself what to do.

The train stopped and Hurstwood led the way out. He looked warily around him, pretending to look after Carrie. Seeing nothing that indicated studied observation, he made his way to the ticket office.

“The next train for Montreal leaves when?” he asked.

“In twenty minutes,” said the man.

He bought two tickets and Pullman berths. Then he hastened back to Carrie.

“We go right out again,” he said, scarcely noticing that Carrie looked tired and weary.

“I wish I was out of all this,” she exclaimed gloomily.

“You’ll feel better when we reach Montreal,” he said.

“I haven’t an earthly thing with me,” said Carrie; “not even a handkerchief.”

“You can buy all you want as soon as you get there, dearest,” he explained. “You can call in a dressmaker.”

Now the crier called the train ready and they got on. Hurstwood breathed a sigh of relief as it started. There was a short run to the river, and there they were ferried over. They had barely pulled the train off the ferry-boat when he settled back with a sigh.

“It won’t be so very long now,” he said, remembering her in his relief. “We get there the first thing in the morning.”

Carrie scarcely deigned to reply.

“I’ll see if there is a dining-car,” he added. “I’m hungry.”

To the untravelled, territory other than their own familiar heath is invariably fascinating. Next to love, it is the one thing which solaces and delights. Things new are too important to be neglected, and mind, which is a mere reflection of sensory impressions, succumbs to the flood of objects. Thus lovers are forgotten, sorrows laid aside, death hidden from view. There is a world of accumulated feeling back of the trite dramatic expression – “I am going away.”

As Carrie looked out upon the flying scenery she almost forgot that she had been tricked into this long journey against her will and that she was without the necessary apparel for travelling. She quite forgot Hurstwood’s presence at times, and looked away to homely farmhouses and cosey cottages in villages with wondering eyes. It was an interesting world to her. Her life had just begun. She did not feel herself defeated at all. Neither was she blasted in hope. The great city held much. Possibly she would come out of bondage into freedom – who knows? Perhaps she would be happy. These thoughts raised her above the level of erring. She was saved in that she was hopeful.

The following morning the train pulled safely into Montreal and they stepped down, Hurstwood glad to be out of danger, Carrie wondering at the novel atmosphere of the northern city. Long before, Hurstwood had been here, and now he remembered the name of the hotel at which he had stopped. As they came out of the main entrance of the depot he heard it called anew by a busman.

“We’ll go right up and get rooms,” he said.

At the clerk’s office Hurstwood swung the register about while the clerk came forward. He was thinking what name he would put down. With the latter before him he found no time for hesitation. A name he had seen out of the car window came swiftly to him. It was pleasing enough. With an easy hand he wrote, “G. W. Murdock and wife.” It was the largest concession to necessity he felt like making. His initials he could not spare.

When they were shown their room Carrie saw at once that he had secured her a lovely chamber.

“You have a bath there,” said he. “Now you can clean up when you get ready.”

Carrie went over and looked out the window, while Hurstwood looked at himself in the glass. He felt dusty and unclean. He had no trunk, no change of linen, not even a hair-brush.

“I’ll ring for soap and towels,” he said, “and send you up a hair-brush. Then you can bathe and get ready for breakfast. I’ll go for a shave and come back and get you, and then we’ll go out and look for some clothes for you.”

He smiled good-naturedly as he said this.

“All right,” said Carrie.

She sat down in one of the rocking-chairs, while Hurstwood waited for the boy, who soon knocked.

“Soap, towels, and a pitcher of ice-water.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll go now,” he said to Carrie, coming toward her and holding out his hands, but she did not move to take them.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” he asked softly.

“Oh, no!” she answered, rather indifferently.

“Don’t you care for me at all?”

She made no answer, but looked steadily toward the window.

“Don’t you think you could love me a little?” he pleaded, taking one of her hands, which she endeavoured to draw away. “You once said you did.”

“What made you deceive me so?” asked Carrie.

“I couldn’t help it,” he said, “I wanted you too much.”

“You didn’t have any right to want me,” she answered, striking cleanly home.

“Oh, well, Carrie,” he answered, “here I am. It’s too late now. Won’t you try and care for me a little?”

He looked rather worsted in thought as he stood before her.

She shook her head negatively.

“Let me start all over again. Be my wife from today on.”

Carrie rose up as if to step away, he holding her hand. Now he slipped his arm about her and she struggled, but in vain. He held her quite close. Instantly there flamed up in his body the all compelling desire. His affection took an ardent form.

“Let me go,” said Carrie, who was folded close to him.

“Won’t you love me?” he said. “Won’t you be mine from now on?”