Evgeniy Limanskiy - Confession… A fairy tale in the style of sentimental cynicism

In spite of my claim to objectivity, I am only a man with my own subjective conjectures. Moreover, even in my experiment, I find an example that I put above my heroine because of some objective sexual parameters. And I am grateful to this girl; we will call her Carina, who was able to sober up my insanity for a while. However, here the subjective presence or absence of goosebumps or their intensity comes into force, as in the case of Janis Joplin and Suzy Quatro.

I have also understood that you could live all the lifetime, but not to feel the goose bumps, that is, such a dull, monotonous life without the goosebumps. Quite simple examples, I tried lime the first time not so long approximately ten years ago, and now I use them only, since then to eat lemons for me, it’s like chewing paper. But if I had not tried it, so I continued thinking that tea should be drunk with lemon. Or one more example, it seems on Bali, I do not remember exactly, I tasted coffee, passed through civet cat, and after that a few days I could not drink just coffee, it seemed to me a tasteless slop. Then, however, I got used again, but I had felt the highest taste.

And here we actually go directly to Ode to Death.

Not so long ago and already in the post period, I suddenly clearly realized that I was not at all afraid of death, that was I was ready to die at any moment and, moreover, it would be interesting to me. No, the word “interesting” here is not exactly appropriate. I will digress for a minute, and while I think about what the word approaches more than “interesting”.

I, in my time, having picked up fragmentary data on some religious currents and theories of the Universe, had begot my own theory. Again, I apologize for my ignorance, that I might ascribe somebody’s theory to myself. On earth, there are, apparently, especially for us, the people, a vivid example of my theory. These are caterpillars and butterflies. For completeness, you also need an undeniable acceptance of the postulate of the existence of the soul. In general, by the will of someone Higher, we, people, are just caterpillars. We live in this world, overwhelmed by caterpillar’s passions and wishes. But sooner or later, there comes a time when the caterpillar fully fulfills its function and dies. As a result, a butterfly is born, that is, a soul that will exist in another dimension and with absolutely other goals. However, the cunning and paradox lies in the fact that this very soul develops in the caterpillar, and soul perfection depends entirely on the caterpillar in which it develops. In passing, I will say that I (I do not know which word to pick up, I will say softer) do not completely share our usual tragic grief in the case of a close person’s withdrawal. I will say, perhaps, a blasphemous thing, but we are grieving about our own plans and interests, which are violated by the withdrawal of a loved one. In this sense, Buddhism is closer to me. There, as far as I know, people rejoice at the death of a loved one. Perhaps Buddhists are much closer to understanding the truth of the origin and purpose of the soul.

I suppose that my last words many people will seem cynical and cruel. But, gentlemen, if we exclude Romeo and Juliet, just remember your thoughts at the coffin of the last close to you person you had to say a last farewell, and perhaps you will not be so categorical in relation to these my thoughts.

The main sign of the maturity of the soul is, in my opinion, that the person experienced something in life anything in higher understanding: happiness, joy, creativity, achievement, creation. Think about those who left us impermissibly early. This means only one, for some reason, their soul has already reached perfection.

Stop, no, it is not, it is also fake and amateurish. It is these cases and those when after the departure of a person from life there is a feeling that he did not have time to say or do something important, can and should be considered as tragic.

However, coming from this it should that deeply unhappy, mediocre and lazy people, rogues and scoundrels must live forever. However, fortunately, this is not so. Apparently, the achievements in laziness, mediocrity, meanness, the creation of evil and the realization of oneself unhappy also are the occasion for the birth of a butterfly, or the soul. It is difficult to imagine why such souls are needed, but, apparently, for some reason they are needed.

I confess, this last piece gave me no peace because it did not correspond to the logical and coherent, in my opinion, all the previous text. Simply put, the souls of every kind of moral monsters do not need and may not be necessary for any higher purpose.

However, here it is easier just to use a known and logical theory of reincarnation. In other words, ugly souls, as the lagging pupils will again and again go through the process of “re-education” until they finally become perfect.

By the way, it seems to me, based on all the above, it is legitimate to rename the gloomy and odious word “death” into a joyful and bright “birth of the soul”.

To slightly defuse this lofty style, perhaps, I will add with reference to the words of Socrates by the movie “The very Munchausen”:

– If you get good wife, you will be happy, if bad, you will become philosopher.

Of course, in my case, a bad wife does not matter. However, after a cloudless and top happiness I fell into the abyss of misfortune. But there is a plus in this, I become a philosopher.

PS. I, of course, showed this opus to my psychologist, and she, as usual, praised it. However, with her usual shrewdness, and most importantly with obligatory elementary education (apparently, unlike me) she noticed, as if by chance:

– YOU turn out to be a mediocre pupil, Alex. In the developmental chain of the caterpillar-butterfly, there is actually one more stage, the pupa, and it is no less important, if even not the main one in the process, than the other two.

In fact, we are on “you” with her, including the rules of psychological conversation. But, given the importance of the moment on the one hand, and the undoubted irony, and the stupidity of the situation in which I found myself with my lofty reasoning and gaps in secondary education, it is this ironic appeal of “YOU” seems to me the most appropriate.

Ah, I am an old jackass; I forgot elementary zoology for the 7 thgrade. Well, of course, pupa, how I could forget. Now everything has finally fallen into place. It is so simple. It is at this stage that I am now. My caterpillar died in all senses, except perhaps physical existence. It happened at the very moment when the cup of my boundless happiness was overflowing. That is how, probably, life should end in all senses suddenly and irrevocably at the very peak. Quite so a fighting fighter breaks into a tailspin from the highest point at the very moment when the force of gravity becomes stronger than the power of any super powerful engine.

– Linger, still linger, beautiful illusions, – Wolfgang von Goethe exclaimed, apparently, when also understood this.

And it was this unknown force that led Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin to the Black River on the very take-off. Apparently, his caterpillar has fully fulfilled its function in this world. However, Alexander Sergeevich is a unique phenomenon; his pupa lasted only about two days from the time of the duel to death, because the soul of his caterpillar was already perfect.

Following the logic of these two outstanding historical examples, all people go through all these three necessary stages. The brightest reason for the onset of the pupal stage is the highest achievement in the spiritual sphere, that is, creativity in any of its manifestations, the next is the peak in the sphere of feelings (my case), well, further downward, until reaching a limit in milk or sugar consumption, which I mentioned earlier. That is about I thought, after all, I am on the second sensual, and not at the creative level, and my pupa is given a chance to move to the highest level. Therefore, I will try to justify the high trust shown to me. Then the issue is for the small, if at least anybody will react otherwise than indifferently when reading this text. And it does not matter at all whether my pupa will still be alive in the physical sense at that moment.