Evgeniy Limanskiy - Confession… A fairy tale in the style of sentimental cynicism

Yes, about the last ten years I have been buying black caviar for the New Year in one the same place, from well-known already to me owner of the fish pavilion in the wholesale market. I have here several undeniable bonuses and advantages. First, despite the fact that I buy caviar there a maximum two times a year, I have long been listed as his VIP client, and have the appropriate privileged attitude in full, which undoubtedly flatters my ego. In addition, I understand that the seller sees in me if not a professional, then, in any case, an advanced user, and accordingly respects this my status. Therefore, every buying process becomes, in some sort, the little match of professionals. Seeing me in the General queue (for the New Year the queue for delicacies is obvious), the owner delicately takes me aside, and making sure that the black caviar and this time included in my food basket, leads me further into a small niche behind the fridge, where there is a small table for testing the product. And here the most important mystery begins. It is clear that the purchase procedure includes a mandatory test of my professionalism, a kind of annual certification as a connoisseur of black caviar. As with the wave of a magic wand from somewhere in the bowels of the pavilion first half-kilo jar appears, of course, of the standard state sample. Meanwhile the owner without fail informs me place of origin. All the main places of origin of caviar are known. As a rule, caviar by origin can be Astrakhan, Dagestan, Azerbaijani, Kazakh, Turkmen, Khazar and Iranian. However, sometimes there are more exotic variants, such as Israeli, Ukrainian or Siberian. The only one of possible I have not yet met Chinese caviar, although I know for sure that it exists. About Israel and Khazar caviar I will notice separately. When I first saw Israeli caviar, of course, I was very surprised and checked on the Internet. It turns out that Israel is now one of the first places in the world for the production of black caviar. Sturgeon there respectively bred in ponds and, apparently, more than fifteen years, because just this period is necessary for the female sturgeon to reach sexual maturity. My fellow, a lawyer in the specialty, living in Israel, then confirmed this information by. A few more words about the Khazar caviar. This name does not exist in nature, and we use it here for reasons of tolerance and political correctness. Because it is not necessary to offend the whole Nation, if on its territory and its representatives carried out (I hope very much that I can talk about it in the past time) one of the most heinous environmental barbarities in history. Perhaps we will dwell on this issue a little later in the paragraph about the Volga hydroelectric power station named after the XXII Congress of the CPSU.

The procedure of caviar testing begins. The seller carefully removes the fixing gum, opens the jar so as not to disturb the shape of the layer of caviar rising above the edges of the jar, and with the help of a plastic spatula a few eggs are caught by an experienced hand. Exactly one gram, that is, respectively, on the dollar. Also, slowly and carefully he passes the spatula with eggs to me. I also solemnly and slowly accept from his hands a spatula and wise these several eggs in my mouth. It is clear that this is the first jar that the seller presents to me for expert evaluation, of the worst and cheapest. Although, the fact is not one hundred percent exact because this test is not only caviar, but also me, as an expert. In any case, regardless of my real opinion about this first sample, I, after a minute savoring and for the testing procedure to continue, just have to curl my lips and reproachfully look at the seller.

– You mock me, my dear, – my eyes and twisted lips express. To speak it is not necessary, everything is so clear, – Why do you propose me some shit? Give me the real product.

He carefully closes and seals the first jar and pulls out, and opens the next. It already costs one or two thousand rubles more. However, it can cost the same, but another manufacturer. One by one, I test 4—5 five cans. Accordingly, during the testing I have eaten caviar for four or five dollars. The testing procedure is over, the most important moment of truth and the final choice comes. Accordingly, I make this choice. The easiest way to choose the most expensive jar, exactly you would not be mistaken, the difference from the lower price will be up to five thousand in increasing. More often, I do just this way, but sometimes I stop at the intermediate version, relying entirely on my taste buds and sense of smell. Finally, the choice is made and the jar is postponed. After that, a few more fish and crab delicacies are sent to the shopping cart, and then the total calculation is made. When I hear the final amount, my eyes indignantly rounded, it is also included in the bidding procedure. The seller, following the law of the transaction, adds to the food basket as a bonus another delicacy, of those that I wanted to buy, but for some reason did not dare. After all this the final bargain already comes, as a result of which I try to recapture another three to four thousand rubles, that is about ten to fifteen percent, but we usually agree on half of the requested discounts and satisfied with ourselves we part with the best congratulations and wishes for at least six months. These greetings and best wishes are very simple and concise, and include the following:

– My friend, we have not met exactly a year, but as we can see, in our status for this year, nothing has changed for the worse. Therefore, I wish both of us to meet here in one more year and on the same occasion.

That is, in this case, the very caviar itself is the determinant of a certain prosperous life status and success.

If I am allowed to express my opinion, I would like to say the following. Despite all the barbarity of catching sturgeon, the damage caused by poaching then is not comparable in scale with the damage caused to the environment and in particular to sturgeons by construction of the Volga HPP, as it was then named after the XXII Congress of the CPSU. On this example, very well it is visible that in our country in General it is accepted to blame with a sick head on healthy. For centuries sturgeons caught in the Volga and nothing, ecology was not broken. And when as a result of construction of hydroelectric power station, the sturgeon population began to rapidly decrease, they quickly found who was guilty of this – the poachers.

Here, however, there is one remark, because it was the turn of my promised earlier the story about the Khazar caviar.

Here, my opinion is quite the opposite and concerns the large-scale and most importantly sanctioned and legalized barbaric poaching by the state. I immediately make a reservation, in order not to be accused of libel that I tell not about today, but about the Soviet times, and at the same time, I hope that today at least something has changed for the better. At the same time, I simply state what everyone knows, at least, in the Volga region. It all began with the fact that The Khazar Khanate, which historically had no access to the Volga River, suddenly and unexpectedly, got 12 kilometers of the coastline of the great river. I was never able to find on the Internet who of our leaders made this generous gift to Khazars. In any case, it is either Sergeevich or Ilyich. However, based on my own memories, as well as on the obvious corruption and criminal component of the donation process, it was still Ilyich. Yes, judging by the sophistication of the deal, of course, Ilyich, perhaps, Sergeevich is too simple for that. This decision is in its Jesuit essence comparable to the most famous vile acts in human history, and in the history of the destruction of ecology, it can claim one of the first places. You can ask why. Yes, just because by the granting to this very Khanate the access to the Volga River was immediately death sentence imposed to the entire population of sturgeon. That is such a tragedy of far from being local importance. The basis of this death verdict was the fact that the Khanate was granted not just access to the river, but the entire river from shore to the opposite shore for 12 kilometers length. That is, the Khazars had already became the full masters of these twelve kilometers, and they already could do there all that they wanted. We must pay tribute to the then leadership of the Khanate; they behaved like the most outright timeservers. The most barbarian poaching lawlessness of the regional authorities began on this site of the river. In addition, in order all the other inhabitants remained silent, seeing this lawlessness, they also tacitly were allowed to engage in poaching. That is poaching in all kinds on these twelve kilometers was not halted in any way. The only thing that was strictly controlled, it was unauthorized and illegal transportation of caviar outside the Khanate. It was the exclusive privilege of the authorities. Although, in passing, I note that to provide absolute control over the movement of the caviar in the boundless Khazars steppes task is in principle impossible.