Райса Каримбаева - Quarantine. A book of stories and poems

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ABOUT THE BOOKDuring the quarantine period, I decided to collect all my satirical stories and poems in one collection at all, in order to cheer up a little and think, dream about something pleasant. In the everyday hustle and bustle, we completely forgot about the main values of life, about spirituality, about love, about people close and dear to us.

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– Tell me something?! What’s wrong with this apartment? Why don’t you want to take it?

The outgoing, yet another successful buyer reluctantly turned around and saw all the despair and pain of Alik, who almost had tears running from his eyes, yawning. scratching his head gave out:

– Oh well! So I will tell you. I do this purely out of good intentions and only because I know your parents well.

Alik became alert and became quiet. He wiped his snot and tears and began to listen to his teacher like a first grader. A failed buyer, this brute with a big belly and legs hanging on his knees, on the contrary, unlike Alik, who even became shorter and looked at him with all his eyes, suddenly acquired an important look, straightened up and even grew at once a whole meter, towering over Alik is like a lamppost.

_ Firstly.. – he began, bending his fingers, – you did not make major repairs

– Well, I whitewashed cleanly and painted the floors … – Alik justified himself, not listening to him to the end.

– Yes, your plaster is falling!! – shouted the buyer, who did not like that he was interrupted. “Your plumbing is old! The pipes are leaking!”

_-So the house was built in the 60s of the last century, back in the days of Khrushchev! What can I do?!

_ And I don’t care what and how! The apartment should be as good as new, as on the glossy cover, he pointed to the magazine, which he always carried with him in his pocket. There is a beautiful picture of a recently built high-rise building in a completely different, neighboring city.

_ Well, this is Almaty! And this is our Chu! There are no such houses here!

– But the prices are the same as in Almaty! And if so, then the repair should be the same!

– So the prices, they are the same everywhere, in Almaty, in Chu, only in Taraz a little cheaper.

– Have you ever thought why we have such expensive apartments in Chu?

– Probably, they found oil … – Alik got out.

– Here it is, oil … – He shoved the magazine back into his pocket and was about to leave.

– Although, in Almaty it is a little more expensive … – Alik breathed, but no one heard him. He stood alone in his apartment and, as evil, missed his next buyer again.

“Why am I just going to sell my three-ruble note?” He wondered more and more often. “They rightly say: “A stupid head doesn’t give rest to his feet.” he sits in a cozy armchair in his shady apple orchard and sips hot coffee with milk and crunches fried chicken.

– Listen, Ishimbaev! Are you dreaming again? And who is she? Beautiful? – Stuck his friend Kasym with questions, showing up to him early the next day.

– Uh-huh … – Alik said, still twisted in the clouds.

– The name of? Are you dating? – Kasym pushed him slightly, smiling from the top of his mouth.

– AND? What? – Alik did not understand, having fallen from heaven to the sinful earth.

– What are we going to do, I ask..

– Repair… We will make repairs! – Alik said resolutely and irrevocably, as if he had cut it off.

From that very day, repairs began. Not a simple repair, but with the tearing out of all the veins and meat from the old Khrushchev. It seemed that she was crying, losing her face, her value, her story. The dust from the fallen, old, destroyed plaster stood in a pillar so that nothing could be seen. One after another, the rooms turned from an old Khrushchev into a new fashionable one like on a glossy magazine of that same failed buyer. All the repairs cost him a round sum, and if you add everything up, it turns out just 12 million, no more, no less. Two months later, Alik updated his advertisement for the sale, displaying new beautiful pictures of his three-ruble note and waited.

A month passed, then a second, a third… year. Nothing. people came and went. They looked, snorted, scratched their heads, sniffed something, looked under sofas, armchairs, beds, into the toilet, into the toilet, the bathroom, the kitchen, went to the balcony, asked “what’s in the attic” and were even going to buy it, but.. for 6 million, maximum for 10.

– But I spent all 12 only on repairs! – Alik was surprised in response to the amount offered to him. – What is wrong now?

– Hmm… As you know … – shrugging his shoulders, the buyer silently left.

The neighbor, the most advanced in terms of sales, suggested to Alik to contact the realtor.

I don’t know how realtors work in other cities, but our self-appointed realtor, or simply Sake, who knows how to sell everything in two days and doesn’t take much, surprised Alik.

He demanded that Alik vacate his apartment for a while and did not interfere in everything. The most important thing is to sell, he claimed.

– Do you trust me? – Sake grabbed him by the throat.

– Well..

– Yes or no!

– Hmm.. Okay… Hand over!

– That I respect! This is masculine, our way. – Sake smugly stroked his goat, tattered, scanty, black beard sticking out in all directions. With great enthusiasm and self-confidence, he began to wander through all the apartments and carry something about modernity, hokka, and something else that Alik did not understand at all, but only assented, pretending to agree with him.

“The main thing is to sell.. – he reassured himself, and what is there and how is not important.

And a week of rest will not hurt. I already hesitated with this repair, be it not okay!”

Collecting not cunning belongings in his backpack and leaving the apartment in the hands of the all-knowing Sake, Alik left the city. Long dreamed of visiting the mountains, going to the sea. But what sea do we have? But the river is also nothing. Having erected a tent on the bank of the river, near the thickets of the jigida, Alik gladly dived into its shadow and fell asleep in a blissful sleep.

A week later, anticipating a new renovation made according to the latest fashion, and most importantly, new buyers who “will simply take away each other’s apartment,” as the respected Sake said, offering fabulous money, Alik entered his house. Climbing the stairs, with each step, his heart pounded harder and harder. First floor, second, third, and here is the fourth…

He opens the door lightly… It opens with a creak… and…

His jaw just falls off!

With wide eyes, he rushed about his apartment and did not recognize her at all!

Where is modern?! Where is the know-how?! Where is the Chinese style?! Complete devastation, the wallpaper came off and snot hang from all the walls, showing through its nakedness, the new plaster fell down so that even a brick is visible, the plumbing does not work! There is no water (oh God!)! There is dirt, dust, cigarette butts, linoleum on the floor, the floorboards are torn out and holes are gaping here and there, that God forbid to fall through and break your neck, construction debris is everywhere, even in the toilet and in the sink, in the bathroom and in the refrigerator. New furniture was taken out, and instead of it there was a perforated sofa with springs sticking out of its core. Instead of the new digital, the old Soviet one doesn’t work!

Alik grabbed the phone and frantically dialed the familiar number to Sake.

– You … – What are you doing, huh?! – He yelled in fury into the phone.

“Oh, haven’t you come yet?” They asked calmly in the receiver. – Now, they will drive up. – beeps were heard in the receiver.

and indeed, an expensive foreign car drove into the courtyard of the five-story building, a fat lady rolled out of it, in an equally expensive black fur coat, although it was only autumn on the street and there would be no snow for a long time. Adjusting her dark glasses, she looked up to the top and, in spite of the old women always sitting at the entrance, went up to the fourth floor.

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