Alem Kengerli - 18 Stories on the Train

© Alem Kengerli, 2021

© International Writer’s Union, 2021

I like being on the way. I especially like traveling long distances. It may be by car, by train, by plane, anything… A man can spend some time in the privacy of his or her mind, have some internal talks and build a few plans for the future. Being on the road is good for me also because of my creative work. Please, don’t think that literary characters have no after-book life and that their lives end with the final page of the book. In my world, they live forever. I talk to them, and I ask for advice when I need it, sometimes even gossip. A person chooses friends from his or her inner circle and from the same sex. There are old and young people among my characters, men and women. Therefore, the assortment of my friends is quite a large one.

Today, I am in a train. I am going to the west of the country. For some reason, the first ones that come to my mind are Tale and Kenul. Why them? Maybe because it is cloudy today and the rain keeps beating against the window of my compartment. After all, rain always causes sentimentality, and sentimentality is what the sad story of this young couple does not lack.

Many moons ago, they loved each other, but ended up parting. Maybe Tale does not even remember Kenul. He has a family now, a family he loves dearly. One day, he feels unwell and goes to a clinic. He meets Kenul, dressed in white robe, in the doctor’s office. The unexpected meeting is especially important for the woman.

Seeing her lost love, she starts thinking that she could somehow change her life and renew their former relationship.

Now, what does Tale think about it?

The birds seemed to sing their song louder than usual this morning. The rays of the spring sun played on the window pane. He slowly got out of bed. At night, he did not sleep well, tormented by pain. He thought it would be appropriate to go to a clinic and do a complete checkup. He went to a neighboring room and checked the kids. The babies were sleeping peacefully. He felt satisfied. Quietly, he left the children’s bedroom and went back to his. He stretched the blanket over his wife’s naked back. After that, he went to the kitchen. He lit the gas and put the teapot on the stove. After a while, he thought that he would probably need to do some tests and so he decided to abstain from breakfast. He switched the gas off and returned to the bedroom. He started putting his clothes on. He thought of going to work after visiting the clinic. He had to come in time so he quickly packed up and left the apartment block.

As he was leaving the entrance hall, he looked at his mobile phone to find out the time. There was still time before the clinic opened, so he could walk. He looked around. There were buds clearly visible on otherwise bare branches. The breath of spring could be felt. The clean spring air that he inhaled and that filled his lungs did not dissipate the ache in the back. He felt some kind of premonition. As if something bad was going to happen.

There were not many people in the clinic. He went up to the registration desk, explained the reason of his visit and got his referral. Having paid for the services, he got the receipt and went to room No. 15. Paying no attention to the sign that read "Mamedova Kenul", he knocked on the door and quietly entered. The doctor wearing a white overall raised her head and, seeing him, cried out: “Tale?” She became petrified with surprise.

He also stood there, frozen.

"Is it really him?" the doctor was asking herself. She could not believe her eyes. She couldn't believe that it was Tale standing in front of her.

Her face turned red and her eyes widened.

Tale was confused as well. He was so lost that he even forgot to say hello. His throat became dry and he couldn't swallow. With his anxious eyes, he looked at Kenul Khanum as if not from a two-meter distance, but from 10 years ago, full of tender memories. It was obvious that the long separation could not extinguish the passion in the souls of two persons who were once madly in love with each other. Each one had a hurricane inside. Some time passed. The guy was the first to pull himself together:

“How are you, Kenul?”

The girl lowered her head and began to sob so loudly that the clinic workers could have heard her and run to the noise. The back ink outlines became smeared across her face. Tale regretted that he caused such suffering in the girl with his visit, but, at the same time, he could not leave the room. He made two steps toward her and said quietly:

“Kenul, please, don’t cry. Otherwise, it will be full here in a few moments.” He didn't expect to receive a tough response from her:

“Let them come. I don’t care. I am tired of living this way. Do you know the way I live, the way I feel? I don’t have any strength to support it anymore, Tale…”

Having calmed down a little, the girl began to wipe her tears with the sleeve of her robe, then continued:

“Tell me the truth, why did you come? You want to irritate me? Maybe you want to burn me in the fire of past memories?”

Tale began to swear that he came by accident.

“What are you talking about, Kenul? I swear I didn't know you worked here. Neither did I expect to meet you here. And I came because I don't feel well. I thought I needed to be examined.”

“The plate on the door told you nothing?” Kenul asked angrily.

“I swear I didn't even pay attention to it. If I knew you were working here I would turn and walk away.”

“Would you? Hmm. So, you’d walk away? Where did your passionate love go, then? So, you don’t love me anymore. I am a stranger now. Right?”

Tale realized that his answer could aggravate the situation even more, so this time he kept silent.

“Wasn’t it you who promised that “Only death can separate us. There is no such power that can take you away from me?”

Tale, who was trying to figure out what Kenul was trying to say by this, took a deep breath and asked in a hoarse voice:

“You want us to break our families apart and start everything over? You should have thought at the time that you would have to shed tears later. You don’t have the right to accuse me, Kenul. I see no guilt in me. If you want to know the truth, I do think of you always, and I lament the fact that you have not become mine.” Kenul reminded him of what he had just said:

“And you say that you did not know that I worked here. Otherwise, you wouldn't bother me.”

Tale was having a hard time justifying himself:

“I didn't want to see you again and hurt my old wound. After all, a return to the past is…”

A knock on the door prevented him from finishing his thought. A bearded middle- aged man in a gray hat opened the door and stuck his head out:

“Can I enter??

“No,” Kenul answered angrily. “Tell them to refer you to another doctor. I don’t receive patients.”

She started dialing a number on her phone:

“Zarifa, do not send any patients to me today. I feel bad,” she said into the phone. Apparently, she heard something in response and objected:

“No, I don’t need anything, don't worry.”

The woman hung up and turned to Tale:

“You say you didn't want to wake up your old wound, right? What about me? Did you think about me? As if it was not enough that you did not look for me, but you also did not want to know how I was getting along. Why? Is it just because we are not together? You used to call me “My Kenul,” and now I am just “Kenul.”… You forgot your promises of eternal love so easily. You gave me your word that you would never allow me to suffer. Do you know what I had to go through? I have no strength anymore, I can’t live that way. A heart is not a stone after all. It breaks apart, it hurts. Do you know the amount of suffering I had to endure?!”