Vasily Varga - Chords obscurantism. Volume one

“I would be satisfied with the position of Manager of Russian banks,” said Parvus.

“A special banking Ministry will be formed, and you will receive the portfolio of a Minister in the revolutionary government, comrade Parvus,” said Lenin.

All the passengers were pleasantly surprised when they were taken into a special armored car with narrow oblong Windows, where they were not threatened by anyone or anything. No checks, no outsiders. Lenin, Parvus and Apfelbaum sipped beer and gorged themselves on all sorts of delicious dishes, despite the fact that ordinary Germans were experiencing difficulties in basic food. All the passengers were happy and happy, with the exception of Inessa Armand, since Lenin did not put her next to him – Nadia, the legal wife of Ilyich, took her place this time.

Suddenly Lenin tapped his bald head and said loudly:

– Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Nadia, where’s the ladies ‘dress, I have to change into a ladies’ dress. And I need a wig to cover my bald head – where the hell is all this?

Nadia was preparing something, everything seemed to be ready for the time of departure, but she did not think that so quickly, that now, this minute, such a secret costume might be needed, and she blinked her eyes.

“Why change your clothes, comrade Lenin?” everyone here is their own. That’s when we cross the German border.

“Are we going to Stockholm?” Comrade Parvus, we are going to Stockholm, have we been deceived? Nadia go get a lady’s dress, I want to be a lady.

“Soon,” said Parvus. “Okay, we can change. Only Vladimir Ilyich, how should I put it… you should look more like an old woman. Here’s Nadia. Let me take care of you, you have to look something.

“I don’t have to look like a bourgeois. And we have to get 60 thousand crowns from him …the world revolution, ha … ha … ha … ha!

At ten o’clock in the morning on March 31, ganetsky meets the emigrants at the station in Stockholm. He looks at everyone with fear that they are not the right people and only when an old woman with narrowed eyes raised her hand and said: long live the world revolution, he was happy and rushed to hug Lenin.

“Money for the barrel,” Lenin demanded. – We need to fill up, get a beer, buy women’s clothing, and all sorts of sweets, because there is nothing in this wild country. The counters are empty, and only Marxist literature is being sold.

– Vladimir Ilyich! here’s the bag, there’s more…

“Did my mother send it?” she owes for the past three months, you reminded her of this, you wrote that her son, the leader of the world revolution, is in need, starving, and even forced to wear women’s clothing? Did you write to her about it?

“Why write?” we have millions in our accounts. The Germans are a generous people. Let your mother rest a little, take pity on her.

– Um, she might like that.” What if the Germans refuse? What to do then. All right, give me the bag. Apfelbaum, where are you? Come on, let’s go shopping. Go ahead, I’ll hold your hand, and pull over to the shoulder. I am a revolutionary old woman. This is very important.

Ganetsky pulled Lenin aside and began to whisper in his ear:

“Parvus is going to Russia with us. You must be in a bad mood today. It’s Parvus, and not some kind of Koba. Fifty million is due to Parvus. Parvus is you, and you are Parvus. Without it, we would not have received money to publish Pravda and other Newspapers, as well as to pay for the shooters. Who will shoot – the one hundred and forty gold rubles, who will shout “hurrah” – the eighty rubles, who will take the red flag in his hands… How to take Winter, Vladimir Ilyich?

“Let us take it, and the cause of the Revolution must not be tainted by dirty hands, comrade ganetsky,” the leader barked rudely, spitting. “The revolution must not remember Parvus, it must erase him from the memory of the people. Let’s go to the store, I need to buy a pair of pants, my pants are leaking in the motney area. It was Inessa’s fault. No, it’s the imperialists ' fault. Ganetsky, are you trembling? Come to your senses, damn you, what kind of revolutionary are you? Or you’ll go to Parvus. What else do you have?”

– Vladimir Ilyich, one good piece of advice, if I may.

– Loll.

– Since we will soon be in Russia, and the great, necessary, smart Parvus will remain here, you can not appear before the border guards in the present form: you will be recognized immediately and may be arrested.

– How many passports do you have for other names? the chief asked.

– It’s not about the passports. I have twenty passports in stock. And five for you, Vladimir Ilyich. You can read Cocococo, and suddenly you find out? So I suggest that you go in this dress, to look like an old woman in a hunched form with a passport in the name of Peskodayki, to appear before the Russians border guard. And before the Swedish ones, too. I need a wig with long white hair, a change of women’s shoes, and it would be nice to knock out one or two teeth and claim that you are my servant.

– What about my beard?” Lenin asked.

– You’ll have to shave it off, put a thick layer of cream on your face, and put lines on your neck and cheeks. All this must be done in the name of the world revolution. The revolution cannot remain without a leader.

Lenin paused, then went into the forecastle and said:

“Comrades, Ganetsky and I are going to a safe house.

“We can’t let you go alone,” Radek yelled.

“You can send comrade Zinoviev or Dzerzhinsky as a guard.

– Dzerzhinsky, Dzerzhinsky, – everyone supported.

“And I want to,” Inessa Armand burst into tears.

Three Jews went to a beauty salon and presented their revolutionary ideas about the appearance of the leader, but the masseurs and hairdressers just shrugged: they say that we have a beauty salon and we can not make a decent person ugly.

“And this is the freak,” ganetsky said, pointing at Lenin and taking out a wad of money. – Make him a real freak, but so that all Russia applauds him.

No sooner said than done. Lenin returned to the forecastle and no one recognized him.

– Have you replaced the leader of the world revolution with an old woman?” We’ll hang you right there. It’s a real Scarecrow. He also has a limp on one leg. And it stinks like hell!

– Tovah … look for it, the job is done great. None of the king’s satraps did not know. Long live the socialist party …evolution!

Friends jumped up from their seats and began to jump, and Sokolnikov, who had not declassified his Jewish name, loosened the belt on his trousers and began to molest the revolutionary Lilina. The revolutionary woman grabbed him by a twig and dragged him into the vestibule. Inessa also approached Lenin, but was stopped.

– Yes, this is same-sex love, this is lesbianism, you can not allow such marital relations, – comrade Nadia could not stand it.

“Comrade Nadia, don’t worry. Before the overthrow of tsarism, the proletarian masses… in short, let them unite. Come On, Inessa. We have a separate room.

The chief and his girlfriend were accompanied by friends with thunderous applause.

Lenin, along with a group of associates in the number of 32 people who were hiding like mice in burrows, occupied the car in Stockholm and through Finland, late in the evening, on April 3, arrived in Petrograd. Everyone was trembling like an aspen leaf in bad weather, and above all the leader himself for the fate of the country where they were going to seize power. No country, neither Germany nor the United States, guaranteed complete victory and security. The leader was a spicy look. Long before arriving in the capital of Russia, he did not take off women’s clothing. Inessa laughed at him, as if he were not in a separate compartment of an armored car, but on a battlefield with a superior enemy force. And Lenin perceived this laughter as an evil fate, but puffed up, but would show his colleagues his heroism.