Meg Cabot - Queen of Babble Gets Hitched

Ava, however, is holding an exhausted Snow White in her lap. The Chihuahua has apparently run after so many tennis balls that she is virtually unconscious on her mistress’s smooth, tanned thighs, a fact of which the reality television crew, filming Ava for the pilot she hopes gets picked up, Slaves of Ava, is taking pointed note. I can’t help staring at the cameras looming over me, even though Ava has told me not to pay any attention to them.

“You don’t even see them after a while,” she says, with a yawn that, I can’t help noticing, is made all the more elfin and charming by the fact that her bee-stung lips are perfectly glossed.

“Ava.” It’s even harder than usual to get her full attention due to the fact that DJ Tippycat is still inside the dog run with his French bulldog puppy, and Ava’s gaze keeps straying toward him every five seconds. “Listen to me. You said you wanted to do something with your life. Remember? After you broke things off with Prince Aleksandros. You have to have meant something more than just another tired old reality show. Well, this is your chance. Not only to prove to the world that you’re more than just an bubbleheaded heiress, but to help out millions of brides who want to have a beautiful gown but can’t afford it.”

Ava doesn’t look remotely interested. She’s gazing through the enormous black lenses of her sunglasses at a tugboat chugging down the river in front of us. I glance over my shoulder at Chaz, who is waiting for me out of camera range. He refused to sign the waivers the film crew demanded in order for me to speak to Ava while she was on camera, so he has to wait out of the shot until I’m done. He doesn’t look too unhappy. He’s found a hot dog vendor and is munching away, enjoying one with everything, along with a cold soda, in the shade.

“I don’t know,” Ava says. “What do I know about clothing design?”

“You don’t have to design the gowns,” I say through gritted teeth. “I’ll take care of that part. You just have to market the clothes. And Geck Industries have to provide the labor and materials. I’m not talking sweatshop labor or cheap materials, either. I’m talking quality craftsmanship, sewn here, in America. The gowns have to look gorgeous and feel nice against the skin. But nothing can retail for more than four hundred dollars. It all just has to be designed by me and marketed by you… the Lizzie Nichols—Ava Geck bridal line.”

She perks up at this. “Hey. I kind of like the sound of that.”

“I thought you might,” I say, eyeing the camera uncomfortably as they swoop around us.

“Lizzie and Ava,” she says. “Or Ava and Lizzie?”

“Whichever,” I say. I can’t quite believe she’s actually going for it. I’d been shocked she’d even taken my call, let alone agreed to meet with me. I hadn’t planned much beyond my initial pitch, not thinking I’d get further than that. “Either works, I think.”

“That’s so cute,” Ava gushes with so much enthusiasm that Snow White nearly tumbles from her lap. “Can we, like, do bridesmaid dresses too?”

“I don’t see why not,” I say. One of the cameras comes in for a close-up. I am acutely conscious of the fact I haven’t powdered my nose all day, and that I am sweating copiously. I pray to God this show won’t ever get picked up by a major network. Or Bravo.

On the other hand, if Ava accepts this deal, who even cares?

“And flower girls?” she asks.

“Sure,” I say.

“What about clothes for dogs,” Ava says. “When DJ Tippycat’s divorce from that ho wife of his comes through, we want Snow White and Delilah to be in our wedding.”

I look down at Snow White, struggling to find purchase on Ava’s vinyl mini. One of the cameras zooms in on Ava’s crotch. I switch my prayer to a different one… that she’s wearing panties.

“Um,” I say. “Sure. We can do a line of wedding wear for dogs.”

“Okay,” Ava says. “That sounds like fun.” She eyes me a little uneasily. “But if we’re going to work together, Lizzie, I need to know we’re not gonna have that same… problem we had before… are we?”

I shake my head. “Ava, I swear on my grandmother’s grave, I will never blab something I’m not supposed to ever again.” And I know, as I say it, that this time I really mean it.

Really.

“Okay,” Ava says cheerfully. “Lemme call Daddy.” And she gets out her cell phone.

“Wait.” I stare at her. “You’re going to do it now?”

“Yeah,” she says, dialing. “Why not?”

“Um.” I glance over at Chaz. He beams at me and gives me a thumbs-up. “Nothing. Go ahead.”

A second later, Ava’s removed the gum from her mouth with a murmured Sorry in my direction, and is saying, “Daddy? It’s me. Yeah, hi. So, I want to start my own line of bridal wear at the store. What? The reality show? Oh, whatever, that’s so two thousand and seven. Anyway, I’m working with Lizzie, the girl who did my dress for my wedding to Alek? Uh-huh. Yeah, the one who outed me to the paps. But that, like, wasn’t her fault, really. Her sister did it, and she’s, like, a fat-armed cow. I know. Anyway, she wants to—well, here, I’ll let her tell you.” To my horror, Ava holds her pink Swarovski-encrusted phone out to me. “Tell him the thing about the beautiful gowns for girls at prices they can afford.”

I fumble for the phone, my mouth going instantly dry. “Um, h-hello? Mr. Geck?”

“Yes?” A voice, gravelly from too many years of cigar smoke, demands impatiently.

I repeat Luke’s line about beautiful gowns that brides can actually afford, and somehow the same spiel I’d given Ava just seconds ago about how Geck’s would be in charge of labor and materials—but they couldn’t be cheap! — and I’d be in charge of design while Ava would be in charge of marketing comes spilling from between my lips.

And in that moment, sitting in the sunshine by the river, with the Slaves of Ava camera crew on me, and Henry Geck on the phone, and Chaz a few dozen yards away, watching over me like a shaggy sheepdog, I’m pretty sure I have an actual out-of-body experience. It’s as if all the times I have ever blabbed a secret involuntarily or said something I didn’t mean to or revealed an intimacy probably best left unsaid, and was called upon to exercise my powers of charm in order to make amends come back to me with laserlike intensity and focus on a single point—the man on the other end of the phone. I am no longer Lizzie Nichols, almost-certified professional vintage wedding gown refurbisher, fiancé of Luke de Villiers, on whom (by the way) she is cheating with his best friend, currently probably a two on the Bad Girl Scale, about to lose her home, her business, and her life.

I am Elizabeth Nichols, cool and collected designer of wedding attire, with a single desire: to make beautiful bridal gowns—and bridesmaid and flower girl and dog clothes—available to the masses, at a reasonable price.

Suddenly I am on fire. I am invincible. The cameras swing entirely from Ava and onto me. Even though, as she gazes at me, her thighs swing apart, and it becomes apparent she’s going commando today. And she’s gone and gotten herself a Brazilian.

“Well,” Mr. Geck says when I’m through and have paused to take a breath. “Miss Nichols, I must say. That sounds like an interesting idea. I’d certainly like to hear more. Why don’t you and Ava come over for dinner tonight and we’ll talk about it some more? Put her back on the horn.”

I hand the phone back to Ava, feeling dazed.

“He wants to talk to you,” I say.

“Oh, goody,” Ava says. “Hi, Daddy. You like Lizzie’s idea? Yeah, I know, me too. Okay. Eight? Yeah, we’ll be there. Okay, buh-bye.” She hangs up and looks at me. “He wants you to bring some sketches. Do you have any?”