Susan Donovan: Aint too proud to beg

Holy shit, Josie said. I seem to have forgotten to bring cash for todays session. Would a check be okay?

Bea patted her shoulder. Its just that youve never fought for what you want because you dont even /know/ what you want, or what you deserve.

Oh, /really/? Josie smiled at Bea, because, as of yesterday, she did, in fact, know exactly what she wanted and deserved. His name was Rick Something. And she was just about to inform them of that development when Genghis lunged toward a little sheltie with a dripping tongue and Ginger decided she wasnt quite done.

I hate to bring this up, Josie, but just last week you said youd do the dirty deed with any halfway decent-looking dog groomer whod cut Genghiss hair for free.

Josies mouth hung open as she struggled with the leash. How could Ginger take that comment out of context like that? I was talking about the Celestial Pet grooming giveaway, which I won, by the way, though no one asked. And it was a joke, Ginger. You seemed to possess a sense of humor last week. Any idea what happened to it?

I dont know! Gingers arms went flailing. She jerked the leash around so much that poor Heather-Lynn looked like she was on a bichon carnival ride. Maybe my sense of humor has flown out the window along with everything else I once had! Right along with my happy family! My dreams!

My perfect skin! My estrogen!

Here we go, Bea said.

I dont need a man in my life to be happy. Ginger suddenly pulled herself taller. I want to establish that right here and right now. I, Genevieve Renee Michaels Garrison, being of sound mind and body, declare that I do … not… need… a… man… in… my… life..

. to… be… happy.

Men are lowdown dirty dogs, Roxie said.

Watch your mouth, Bea said.

I mean, reallywho needs a man when you have a dog? Ginger said.

Josie stared at all of them. They were bitter and angryfor good reasons, she supposedbut she didnt share their convictions. Josie wanted a man /and/ a dog. Was there anything wrong with that?

Bea suddenly shoved her outstretched hand into the center of the circle of women, palm down. Pile on, girls, she ordered.

Ginger looked a little wary of the command, but Josie knew what Bea meant because shed played high school softball. So Josie slapped her hand on top of Beas. Roxie followed suit. Ginger tentatively placed hers on top, manicure gleaming.

The apologies erupted from all of them, almost simultaneously. The smiles followed. Ginger looked like she was about to cry. Josie felt relieved, and figured this was the perfect time to tell them about her strange encounter with Mrs. Needleman, the list, and Rick.

Roxie barged in before Josie could open her mouth.

Repeat after me, Roxie said. We pledge to be at peace without men in our lives.

Everyone echoed that sentiment and Josie was about to remove her hand and go ahead with her announcement when Bea said, We are whole, powerful, and single pet owners by choice.

Everyone repeated that, too.

Thats when Josie began to get nervous. Apparently, everyone was going to be required to say something profound and profoundly antiman, which had to be a cover for how, in their heart of hearts, each of them wanted a man more than anything. Except maybe for Bea, but even then Josie couldnt be sure. All she knew was that /she/ did! Josie wanted a man!

And as of yesterday, she knew there was one out there for her!

We dont need a man to tell us we are beautiful and fabulous. That was Gingers addition, and the group repeated it with fervor.

All eyes turned to Josie. Genghis began tugging at the leash again, intrigued by a pair of Pekinese. She felt pressured. Later, shed wish shed said something elseanything elsebut this was the pledge that good old go-with-the-flow Josie made for the entire world to hear: /We hereby vow to lead full, happy lives in the company of our dogs!/ The women pumped their hands in unison and reached to the sky with a great /whoo-hoo/ of empowerment. Lilith frothed at the mouth. People stared. The yelling frightened HeatherLynn so much she peed all over Gingers shoe.

Josies heart was quite heavy by the time they reached the coffee shop.

Shed lied to her friends. The truth was that in a perfect world, Josie would be leading a full, happy life in the company of her dog /and/ Rick the dog groomer.

So much for all the whoo-hooing.

The hot wax felt soothing as the aesthetician applied it under Josies brow and covered it with a strip of gauze. When she ripped that sucker away in one aggressive sweep of her hand, Josie saw stars.

Aauughhhhh! She jolted up in the reclining salon chair, panting. You said people do this every week? Why would someone do that to themselves?

The aesthetician giggled, gently pushing Josie back into the chair. You get used to it.

Josie lay back and closed her eyes, dazed by the series of events that had brought her to this high-end torture chamber. Taking a deep breath, she had to admit it was impressive what a girl could achieve in just a couple of angst-fueled weeks.

She never did hear back from Rick. After a few days of compulsive e-mail and voice mail checking, she figured hed dropped off the face of the earth. But a strange thing had occurred in the meantimeJosie lost her appetite. It had never happened before, and in days her clothes felt looser. So she decided it was the perfect time to hit the gym again, where she might be able to get more bang for her workout buck, kind of like going grocery shopping on double-coupon days.

Ten pounds later, Josie looked and felt terrific. Though Ginger didnt know the circumstances of this sudden slim-down, she applauded Josie for her willpower and gave her a gift certificate to her salon, where Josie had just been given a mani-pedi, a stylish new cut, and half of a hellish wax job.

When the procedure mercifully came to an end, she stood before a huge salon mirror. Her hair looked terrific, no question, subtle layers of soft curls just above her shoulder that gave definition to her round cheeks. And Ginger had been rightthe eyebrow wax really did open up Josies whole face and emphasize her eyes. All that and ten fewer pounds had resulted in an astounding change in her appearance.

You like?

Josie nodded, but peered closer to the mirror, noting a red stripe above her eyelid. She touched it.

Dont touch it! the aesthetician cried. Let the aloe vera do its thing.

The irritation will be gone within the hour.

Josie turned her head to get a side view of the welts. You sure about that?

Positive.

Leaving the salon, Josie knew it was now or never. She had to take advantage of this convergence of fate. The perfectly styled haircut, the new eyebrows, and the cute new outfit shed chosen to weara silk georgette skirt that ended in a sexy flounce right above the knee, paired with a form-fitting white cami and a cute three-quarter-sleeve jacketshe knew this was as good as it was ever going to get. It was time to make her move.

About a half hour later, Josie strolled from her car across the Celestial Pet parking lot, the dog-grooming salon in her crosshairs. She smiled, knowing the shopping cart lady was gone, gone, gone, and in her place was a vixen with some seriously emphasized eyes.

Her plan was to walk right up to Rick the dog groomer and demand an explanation for his lack of follow-through. The man didnt stand a chance.

A young woman with leather studs in her ears and a silver hoop in her nose looked up from a book. Her eyes took a second to focus. May I help you? She said this with the enthusiasm of someone whod just been hit with a tranquilizer gun.

Yes. I was wondering if I could talk to Rick. Is he in today?

She scrunched up her nose like something smelled bad, but said nothing.