Jennifer Crusie - GETTING RID OF BRADLEY

“Are you calling me a chimpanzee?” Lucy demanded.

“No, that would be Zack,” Anthony said. “What’s going on here?”

“What are you talking about?” Lucy blushed. “There’s nothing going on here.”

Anthony grinned at her. Lucy was hooked. Now all he had to do was make sure of Zack.

Zack called him into the kitchen for a beer.

“I found the bank,” Anthony told him, lounging against the counter to watch him cook. “We should have the warrant by tomorrow. You coming with me?”

“Oh, yeah.” Zack sprinkled cheese over a plate of nachos with a practiced hand. “I want to see inside that box.”

“Patrol car out in front for Lucy again?”

“Yeah. And I think her sister’s coming over, too. We met yesterday for the first time.” Zack shook his head. “That wasn’t pretty. Another good reason for me to leave.”

Anthony snagged a nacho chip from the bag on the counter and crunched it. “You know, Zack, if we find the bonds, you’ll be gone permanently. We’ll spread this all over the papers. Whichever of the Bradleys is trying to break in here will give up. Lucy won’t need protection anymore.”

“No, but she’ll need me.” Zack slid the nacho plate into the microwave and punched the button. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I like Lucy-” Anthony began.

“I do, too, and I saw her first. Stay away from her.”

Anthony tried again. “As I was saying, I like Lucy, and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

“I don’t, either,” Zack said, exasperated. “That’s why I moved in here, remember?”

“I’m not talking about the Bradleys.” Anthony picked up another nacho, and Zack moved the bag away from him. “I’m talking about you. You worry me. I don’t want you to hurt her.”

“Why would I hurt Lucy?” Zack frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”

Anthony abandoned subtlety. “I’m talking about your intentions, you fool. Are you planning on living here forever?”

“Yes. And to answer your next question, I already proposed. She said no.”

Anthony dropped his nacho. “You proposed?”

“But she’ll give in. She just needs time.” Zack leaned against the counter and folded his arms. “Hell, she just got divorced a week ago.”

Anthony bent to pick up the dropped chip, but Heisenberg was already there. He straightened. “Let me get this right. You asked Lucy to marry you?”

Zack looked unconcerned. “It may take a couple of months, but she’ll say yes.”

“You want to get married? You?”

“Only to Lucy.” The microwave dinged and Zack took out the nachos. “We need salsa with these.” He handed the plate to Anthony. “Be careful. It’s hot.” He began to rummage through the refrigerator, looking for salsa.

Anthony stood in disbelief as the plate seared his fingers. “This is eerie.”

“No.” Zack found the salsa and more beer. “This is Lucy. She has this effect on me. I like it.” He slammed the refrigerator door and headed for the dining room.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Anthony said and followed him.

TINA SHOWED THE NEXT morning on the dot of nine, striding into Lucy’s empty kitchen as if she owned it.

“Your baby-sitter’s here,” she announced. “That coffee smells wonderful. I can’t believe that I’m up at this ungodly hour. Only for you.”

“Go upstairs and go back to bed,” Lucy suggested, turning from the counter to hug her sister.

“No. Just give me some coffee. Where’s the kitchen table?” Tina stepped back from Lucy as Zack came in from the dining room with the three dogs. “Oh, look, you hired a shepherd.”

“You know, you remind me of somebody,” Zack said.

“Spare me.” Tina looked down at her feet. Maxwell had draped himself over her suede pumps. “Get off my feet, you little rat.”

“Got it,” Zack said. “Cruella deVil. If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.”

“I see you’re dating the cultural elite,” Tina said to Lucy.

“Stop it, both of you,” Lucy said. “It’s too early for this.”

“I’ll put the boys in the backyard on my way out,” Zack said as he put on his jacket. “Anthony’s out front Gotta go.” He kissed Lucy on the cheek. “Don’t forget the dogs. It’s cold out.” He passed Tina on his way out “Great seeing you again.”

When Zack and the dogs had gone, Tina said, “Don’t forget the dogs? You? Who is he kidding? Exactly what is going on here?”

“Nothing.”

A grin crept over Lucy’s face, and Tina pounced. “Tell me everything.”

“No.” The coffee stopped dripping into the pot, and Lucy poured two mugs and handed Tina one. “I’m happy, and I’m being careful. You don’t need to worry.”

Tina leaned against the counter and sipped from her mug as she considered what Lucy had said. “What do you mean, careful?”

Lucy shrugged. “I know how bad my instincts are for men. I’m not counting on Zack sticking around. I’m staying independent” The toaster popped and she put two more slices of bread on a plate that already held four. “Strawberry or grape jam?”

“Strawberry. Where’s your table?”

“We’re refinishing the floor. Zack’s idea. Come on, we can eat in the dining room.”

Tina followed her in and sat down. “Lucy, you’re not paying attention here. You don’t have to worry about Zack sticking around. He’s moved in. He’s adopted your dogs. I think he’s planning on being around for the next sixty years. In fact, I think you’d better prepare yourself to turn down a proposal.”

Lucy slid into the chair across from her and reached for the jam. “He already proposed. But that was just heat-of-the-moment stuff.”

“Men will say anything in bed,” Tina agreed, and sipped her coffee.

“Oh, we weren’t in bed. We were here. Having breakfast.” She bit into her toast, enjoying the crunch.

Tina choked on her coffee. “Breakfast? He proposed in the clear light of day? In the morning?”

“Yep. Even before I fed him.”

“It wouldn’t have been the food, anyway. You don’t cook that well.” Tina sat back and marshaled her thoughts. “You’re going to have to face it He’s serious.”

Lucy tried to shrug it off. “Probably. But I don’t know if I am.”

Tina started to say something and then blinked instead.

“I don’t believe it,” Lucy said. “You do it, too.”

“Do what?”

“You blink when you think of something you can’t say. Zack says I do it all the time. And now you’re doing it, too.”

“I am? We do?” Tina was nonplused. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. What was it you were going to say?”

“Nothing.”

“Something about Zack.”

“No.” Tina stopped and blinked again. “I don’t believe it. I could feel it coming, and I couldn’t stop it That is one habit I am definitely breaking.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Just that if you think you’re not serious about Zack, you’re deluding yourself.” She looked again into Lucy’s glowing face. “I give up. He’s not the guy I would have picked for you, but he’s obviously the guy you’ve picked for you.”

Lucy looked prim. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just got divorced. It would be foolish to talk about getting married again so soon. Really foolish.”

“Illogical.” Tina buttered a piece of toast and bit into it.

“Right.”

Tina licked the butter off her fingers. “Don’t put me in pink for the wedding. I hate pink.”

ZACK AND ANTHONY stood in the dry metal-lined basement of the Third National Bank of Riverbend and stared into a dry, metal-lined safe-deposit box, the contents of which they had just inventoried. It did not have one hundred and fifty ten-thousand-dollar government bonds in it.