Elizabeth Eulberg: The Lonely Hearts Club

Todd leaned over to my desk. "Hey Penny what are you going to have your Spanish name be?"

I shrugged. I'd never really thought about it,

Todd continued,

"Because I was thinking of using Nacho and figured you should pick Margarita, so when we have projects together Senora Coles will have to call on Margarita y Nacho." Todd laughed, then leaned forward and lifted up his hand.

I did my best to ignore him.

"What's this?" Ryan asked. "Bloom, are you two-timing me with Chesney? Seriously, I thought you had better taste."

Yeah, like I'm the one two-timing. I'm not the one with the girlfriend.

Todd made a rude gesture to Ryan and then the two of them started trash-talking about who was going to do more laps at practice that night.

I wondered if there were any all-girl schools in the area.

I'd never been so relieved to hear the last bell of the day. I jumped from the classroom like it was on fire and headed straight to my locker. There I found Diane waiting. Not for me. For Ryan. Of course.

Still, she waved.

Did she even have her own locker?

"Hey, Penny!" she said when I got closer, "Are you going to the game on Friday night?"

"Yep." I tried to seem busy finding my Biology textbook. I didn't know why she was all of a sudden so interested in my social calendar.

"Like anybody would want to miss that ass-kicking," Todd said, coming over with Ryan, then stopping to give him a high five. "Even Bauer's dad is going to be there! So that alone is something to show up for. That, like, happens about as often as, what, a lunar eclipse or something…."

Ryan glared at Todd and slammed his locker shut. I'd known Ryan since grade school, and I'd never seen his dad. His mom and stepdad, sure. But not his dad. All I knew was that he was some hotshot lawyer in Chicago.

There was an awkward silence in their group — a group that I didn't want to get involved with. I reached for my phone and my stomach dropped when I saw I had another text waiting from Nate.

You can't ignore me forever.

I hit the delete button. I was sure going to try.

"Penny?" It was Diane's voice.

"What?" I looked up and noticed that she was alone. I hadn't heard Ryan and Todd leave. Why was she still here?

"Oh, um, I was just wondering…" She started nervously bending down the corner of her notebook. "I mean, I feel like we haven't really spoken in so long, and I'd love it if we could go out sometime — to a movie, or dinner, whatever you're up for."

She can't be serious, I thought.

"Oh, well, um.. "

Why don't you tell me what you want so we can get this over with?

"Are you free tomorrow night?" she asked.

"Um," I stalled, trying to think of a reason why I couldn't go out with her.

"I was thinking we could go to the mall and then grab a bite to eat. Wouldn't that be fun?"

No, not really. .

I looked at Diane. Her eyes were wide, and it seemed like she genuinely wanted to spend time with me. That, or she was so desperate to become the first junior to ever win Homecoming Queen that she was willing to take her campaign past enemy lines.

Wait a second, I thought. This is Diane Monroe, The same Diane who cancelled on me a million times. Who would never put a friend before Ryan. If I agree, she'll no doubt cancel to do something with Ryan. Some things never change,

"I think that could work!' I said. I knew I could always make up an excuse (like that I needed to work at my dad's dental office) if she didn't cancel on me first, Diane did a little jump. "Yay! HI stop by tomorrow after class!"

I wasn't going to hold my breath.

"YOU AGREED TO DO WHAT?" Tracy practically ran off the side of the road when I told her the next morning. "Seriously Pen, she's on some sort of medication. There's something off upstairs."

"I know — I see her talking to everybody," I tried to not laugh.

"You don't understand — you don't have any classes with her. I've got two — before lunch. And all she did yesterday was come over and talk to me in that cheerleadery way she has."

"Yeah, welt I'm not that worried about it. She'll cancel on me. End of story."

I guess in a way Diane prepared me for being dumped by guys.

With her it was the same thing as any guy — the calls not being returned, avoiding me in the hallways, talking behind my back.

Tracy's cell phone rang. She threw her headset on, answered, listened for about three seconds, then screamed, "WHAT?"

I instinctively grabbed the wheel to steady her driving.

"Are you even serious? When?" Tracy grabbed my arm. "Oh my God!"

I wanted to hit her, but didn't want to die on my way to school.

Tracy just kept on screaming and asking questions.

When she finally got off the phone, a look of smugness settled on her face, "You're not going to believe it," she said. "Ryan broke up with Diane."

"WHAT?" I screamed so loud, Tracy winced. "You can't be serious. I've seen Diane at Ryan's locker — "

Tracy shook her head. "Jen went in early this morning with the volleyball team to practice, and the news broke. From what she knows, he broke up with her at the start of summer before she went away on vacation, but nobody really knew about it since Ryan didn't want to, I don't know, spread gossip or whatevs while she was away. They wanted to wait a few more days to tell people, but Todd ended up spilling it to Hilary Jacobs, and you can imagine where it went from there."

"That's impossible," I replied. Diane Monroe and Ryan Bauer had been together for four years. They were supposed to get married, have 2.4 kids, and have a 50 percent chance of living happily ever after.

"It all makes perfect sense! This is why she's being so nice to everybody, that fake little bee-yotch." Tracy glared at me. "And now we know exactly what she wants."

I looked at Tracy in confusion. What did Diane want?

"She thinks that now she's single, she can come running back to her good old friend Penny."

I tried to wrap my head around it. Diane dumped me for Ryan, Ryan dumped Diane, and now she expected us to be friends again.

I don't think so.

"Wait a second!' Mike interrupted. "You're friends with Diane Monroe?"

"No, we used to be friends," "Wow." Mike looked impressed, "She's hot. Do you think you can introduce her to me?"

"Get out of the car!" Tracy screamed. Mike rolled his eyes, and he jumped out as soon as Tracy pulled into the parking lot.

"How stupid does she think I am?" I asked. "After not talking to me for four years, she wants me to mop up after Ryan. I've got my own guy problems, thank you very much. I'm so canceling on her."

"What?" Tracy's eyes opened wide, "No way — you have to go!

I couldn't believe she was even being serious. Tracy hated Diane and she wanted me to hang out with her?

"You have to get the scoop. Find out why he dumped her skinny ass and then get up and leave. You don't owe her anything. See how she feels being used for once."

"But I…"

"Come on, Pen. I wish I could go and hear her poor sad sob story. Oh, I'm so happy Ryan finally came to his senses. Hmmm, I wonder if I should put him on the list." Tracy looked thoughtful for a moment. "Nah, I've always thought he'd be better for you. Not that you're dating or anything."

I felt a migraine coming on.

My headache wasn't going to go away once got to my locker and saw Ryan. I was so preoccupied with Diane that I had forgotten that I'd have to deal with him, too. there was no way to avoid him.

Not only didn't I know what to say to him, but I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. Should I be mad at him? Should I be grateful to him for confirming once more that guys only use girls? Granted, I didn't know what had happened, but I felt it had to have been his fault.