Vella Munn - The Return of Cord Navarro

“You had no idea they were around?” Cord asked.

“I felt like, you know, someone was watching me. Maybe-maybe I knew you were coming.”

“Maybe you did,” she whispered when Cord didn’t speak.

Cord continued to stare at Matt, his face all but expressionless. She’d seen his fury at the men who had risked Matt’s life, his need for revenge, a raw moment of unadorned relief when he realized his son was all right. Now he was doing what he must think was expected of him-letting his son believe this had been nothing more than another search for him, one with a successful ending.

Something began building inside her. She couldn’t put a name to the emotion; neither could she fight the growing storm. “You knew that man’s name. How long have you known they were up here? How long, Cord?”

“Days.”

“Days? And you didn’t tell me? Why not?”

In the distance a crow squawked. The hard sound echoed what she heard in her voice.

“Why not?” she repeated.

“You had enough to worry about.”

“Enough?” The rolling wave of emotion expanded and became more than she could control. “You didn’t think I was strong enough, did you? Cord, what you did -” Matt was staring at her with alarm in his eyes. Still, she couldn’t stop, didn’t even try. “You don’t have any idea how much I hate your damnable silence, do you? The strong, silent Indian. Keeping emotions, if you have them, from your wi-from me.”

“I wanted to spare you.”

“Spare?” She threw the word back at him. How dare he sit there with the wind tossing his hair and sunlight glinting in his beautiful black eyes while she worked on the injury that held proof of…of what? “Spare?” She didn’t care whether the men or Matt heard; she had no control over what came out of her and didn’t want it back until she’d said what she had to. “I survived Summer’s death, our divorce, days and nights of looking for Matt. Don’t you have any idea how strong I am?”

“You couldn’t have done anything if you’d known.”

“You and I searched for Matt because he’s the most important human being in both our lives. At least, he is in mine. I’ve been honest with you about everything I’ve felt. Every emotion. But you-what the hell does it matter?”

“Mom?”

Matt shouldn’t hear his parents fighting-hear her yelling at his father. But she and Cord had made love deep in his beloved wilderness. How could he not know her heart?

Cord said nothing; she didn’t expect or want anything from him, couldn’t imagine ever wanting to speak to him again. When, after an awkward moment, Cord told Matt to take off his boots and sit down so he could see his foot, she simply stood back, watching father and son.

There were no words between them. Only touching.

There were things she had to do, like keeping pressure on the wound so it would stop bleeding. Her parents deserved to know what had happened since her desperate call. She should ask Dale when she could expect the helicopter and tell him how many prisoners-was that what they were?-there were. Maybe Matt needed something to eat. But he was looking from her to his father and then back again, clearly uneasy.

Feeling both dead inside and more alive than she’d ever been, she concentrated on her son. “Your dad said… he said he didn’t think you were afraid. We found where you slept, you barely moved.”

“I wasn’t scared, not after a while.” Matt tried to rub some dirt off his hand by scrubbing it along his jeans. “Dad, I remember you telling me there wasn’t anything to be afraid of in the woods.”

“I – I’m glad you remembered,” she whispered.

Ignoring his bare foot, Matt kicked at the ground and then stole a glance at his father. “I wanted you to be proud of me.”

“I am.”

“I should have gotten unlost without your help.”

She didn’t feel like laughing. Still, she heard herself do just that. “That’s what your dad said, that you wanted to prove you could climb Copper all by yourself. That’s what made tracking you so hard.”

“Not so hard. You found me. Dad, I wanted to be like you.”

No, you don’t, son.

The helicopter’s whirling blades kicked up dust and debris as it took off with a full load consisting of the pilot, Dale, and the four poachers, Chuck in handcuffs. Dale had been concerned about Cord, but he’d assured the sheriff that he didn’t have so much as a headache and seeing a doctor could wait. As the screaming sound eased, Shannon faced the fact that she, Matt, and Cord would be alone until it returned.

If only she and Matt had gone down first; that way she wouldn’t have to speak to Cord, could put off telling him that he’d destroyed something inside her because, as too many times before, he’d hidden behind silence.

Matt hadn’t seemed to mind. Had he been too distracted to notice how little his father said to him, or did he somehow know something she didn’t?

No, that couldn’t be.

Cord had known the poachers were up there, but he hadn’t told her because he believed she couldn’t handle it.

Despite everything she’d been through in life, he didn’t believe she was strong enough-either that, or communicating with her hadn’t been that important to him. She hadn’t wanted to be spared; she would never want that.

Over and over again she’d told Matt how much she loved him, held him until he grew restless and embarrassed because others were watching. When he and his father talked, it had been about the fight with Chuck, how fast the helicopter could travel and how much weight it could carry, tracking techniques. Cord hadn’t said a word about a father’s fears, his love for his son.

That’s all she wanted, for Cord to tell Matt how much he loved him. If he could at least do that…

And if he couldn’t…

Matt was asleep. It took her several seconds to realize her son was no longer simply resting by leaning against a rock. Because he’d slid over to one side and was slowly sinking to the ground, she helped him the rest of the way. Only then did she acknowledge that Cord was watching her.

Although she wanted to stay with Matt, she walked away from him, left him to his peace. “I don’t know what those men are going to be charged with,” she said when she’d gotten as close to Cord as she dared, not that the words mattered. “Whatever it is, we will probably have to testify. Of course, if you’re off on another rescue…” She felt a sharp pain in her left forearm and realized she’d been gripping it with all the strength in her.

“I’m proud of you,” he said.

“You are? For keeping up with you?”

“For not falling apart.”

“Apart? I-”

“I know. You aren’t a woman who caves in. I shouldn’t have tried to protect you the way I did.”

“No,” she said, surprised at his admission. “You shouldn’t have.”

“But you wanted me to.”

“What?”

“Don’t deny it, Shannon. The things you said, the look in your eyes, I knew.”

She had; she couldn’t lie to him about that. “But for you to have to weather what you did alone, why?”

“Because looking for Matt is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.”

“No, Cord.” Her arms dropped by her side. She couldn’t make them move. Couldn’t let him go this easily, couldn’t stop the words inside her. “Not the hardest.”

Although he stared at her without blinking for the better part of a minute, he said nothing. Nothing. “Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?”

He took a long, deep breath. “Summer.”

Now it was her turn to stare. Cord looked weary and she wondered if he might collapse, but he simply widened his stance and went on meeting her gaze. “I remember what you were like then,” he said softly.