Iris Johansen - Across the River of Yesterday

Serena felt her throat tighten and she lowered her head to its former place on his shoulder. Those simple words had moved her unbearably. Her eyes were misting as they lay there in silent intimacy. Everything around them seemed to take on an added poignancy. The airy canopy above their heads, the gleam of the leaded-glass windows across the room, the glow of the copper lamp on the bedside table that Gideon had turned on when they'd come back from the lake. This place. This time. Could anything be more perfect?

Gideon's hand was stroking the fine hair at her temple and his voice was a deep rumble beneath her ear. "You know, when I was a teenager, moving from place to place, I used to want something totally my own, something beautiful that wouldn't change no matter what happened in the world around me." One finger moved down to outline her lower lip with a gossamer touch. "I guess it made me pretty much of a pain for a while. I was so damn possessive that I couldn't have any friends without wanting to be everything to them." His lips brushed the top of her head. "I learned my lesson eventually, when I found I was driving people away just when I wanted them closer. You can't force people to open their minds and hearts and take you in. You've got to be invited." His voice was husky as he continued haltingly, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might have to back off and shove me away if I come too close and try to barge in where I'm not wanted. You were right when you said I was pushy." His fingers touched her lashes that were now star-spiked with tears. "You see, I've found my something beautiful, and I might not want to let go, even for a little while. Not even to let you breathe and grow. You'll have to let me know, Serena."

Her chest was aching with every breath she took, as her arms tightened around him with almost maternal fierceness. She was hurting with everything that was in her for the child he had been, for the pain and loneliness of his past, for the hard lessons he had learned, and for the honesty and vulnerability of the man he had become.

The brimming tears now flowed down her cheeks, and she felt him tense against her as a drop dampened his shoulder where her head was resting. "Hey." He raised his head to look into her eyes. "What are the tears for?"

"Nothing. I've just decided I like the idea of having a pushy man around."

His gaze searched her face. "Forever?"

She went still. Panic and rejection rose within her. It was insane. Gideon was everything beautiful and good in the world. Why was she so terrified of making a commitment?

A flicker of disappointment crossed his face. "It's all right. I don't have to have the words right now. What happened tonight was in the nature of a promise anyway. It's good enough to last us for quite a while."

Yes, it was, she thought dreamily. They lay there a long time and gradually Gideon's arms relaxed about her until they were only a comforting possessive shelter to keep out the outside world.

She was almost asleep when his voice reverberated beneath her ear with a satiny hint of threat and with a gravity that made the words a vow. "But if you ever could bring yourself to say forever, love, I'd make sure you never regretted it. Not for a minute."

"Sit still," Serene ordered as her charcoal pencil traced the line of the strong masculine column of his thigh. It was a beautiful line, she thought absently, graceful and symmetrical while remaining totally masculine. "How do you expect me to get this right if you're always moving?"

"I'm chilly," Gideon said plaintively. He stretched lazily, his sleek muscles rippling, before resuming the pose she required of him. "You can't expect a man to pose in the altogether without getting goosebumps, love."

"It's nearly eighty degrees," she reminded him heartlessly. The waterfall in the background should turn out very well and add to the primitive beauty of the picture. "If you weren't so tanned, I'd worry about your getting a sunburn."

He thought for a while. "Well, then, I think I'm much too modest to pose in the nude." At her distinctly derisive snort he gave her a sly glance.

"First, you ravish my magnificent virile body, and then you make me display my manly beauty for your lascivious pleasure."

She looked up indignantly. "You speak as if I'm making dirty pictures. This is art!" Then as she met the mischievous twinkle in his brown eyes, she said reprovingly, "Now, if you've finally run out of excuses, I'd appreciate it if you'd be still. Getting me hooked again was your idea, and you're the one who demanded a selection of paintings from which to choose. I've got to have a model, haven't I?" She sighed. "You're not much, but I guess you'll have to do."

"I'd better." The grin disappeared and he growled. "Because if you think I'm going to let you leer at any other naked man, you can forget it."

"I do not leer. I'm an artist, not a voyeur." She scowled. "I'm almost finished. Will you just be still for another ten minutes?"

"Unless I can think of another excuse."

She would not smile at him. The scamp needed only the slightest encouragement and he'd turn on the voltage that melted her resistance like hot wax. She wanted to get this sketch done.

It seemed he was actually going to let her do it, for he was quiet for the next several minutes while her pencil flew over the sketch pad. Strange how close they'd become in such a short time. She was perfectly at ease with Gideon in a thousand ways, both mental and physical. Though perhaps Gideon was right when he said they had had a head start because of the sense of belonging that had been a salient element of their relationship since the very first night together long ago.

How wonderful to have a lover who was also a friend, she thought dreamily. The passion that had seared them with its lovely flame had not precluded the warm glowing embers of companionship. Though an outrageous amount of their time together was spent experimenting with the physical delight they both found so intoxicating, there had still been time for the exploration of thoughts and personality.

"Serena?"

She didn't look up. "Yes?"

"I've come up with another excuse."

"I thought you would." She sighed. "What is it this time?"

"I'm horny."

She glanced up. "So you are," she said calmly, her lips twitching. "Nice of you to provide me with additional material for my sketch. Of course, to do it justice will take another minute."

"One minute." He was rising to his feet. "That's it! I've stood all I can from you, wench. First, you use me and then you insult me." He was beside her, tumbling her to the grass and mounting her supine body with lightning swiftness. He pinned her arms above her head and gazed down at her laughing face with mock ferocity. "I think I'll have to ask you to reassess your opinion." He shook his head mournfully. "One minute. You really know how to hurt a guy."

"Well, maybe, two," she said grudgingly, trying to stop laughing. It was evident her sketching was finished for the afternoon. Then, as she felt the warm, hard length of him against her belly, her breath caught in her throat. "Yes, definitely two."

"Thanks," he said with irony. "But that's not good enough. I believe drastic action is definitely called for." His eyes were suddenly dancing with devilment. "Very drastic." With one lithe movement he was off her, and then she was scooped up into his arms as he rose to his feet.

She clutched wildly at his shoulders. "Gideon, what are you doing?"

"We're going for a swim." He crossed the few yards that separated them from the lake. "I think I need to cool down a bit if I'm going to exhibit my stamina."

"You may be naked but I still have my clothes on," she cried, holding onto his shoulders desperately.