Jill Shalvis: Long-Lost Mom

Sara. He was still protecting Sara, and he would to the end. And she couldn’t blame him.

Her eyes stung. Always on the verge of tears, she thought, annoyed at herself. “I understand.” She turned her face into the wind, welcoming its salty coolness on her hot face. “It will be your decision to tell her or not.” She looked at him. “But I meant what I said. I’m back for good.”

“Right.”

“I know you, perhaps better than you’d like, Stone Cameron. And I know once you realize I’m really not leaving, you’ll do the right thing. You won’t want to keep this from her.”

He stared at her for a long moment. “Forever is a long time, Jenna. Once upon a time I thought we had that.”

It took her a minute to speak because hearing him talk that way, in the past tense, was like a knife to her heart. “I’m going to prove I’ve changed, Stone. I’m not the same person who ran away. You’ll see.”

He let out a breath that had his shoulders relaxing a bit. “You were frightened. Neglected and abused. You had a lot of problems back then that you should never have had to face, and you had no support at home. I understand the fear of that girl you were, Jenna. Don’t apologize for that. And don’t prove anything to me. You don’t have to. Prove it to yourself. Then prove it to our daughter.”

He walked off then, leaving her staring hungrily after him as his long rangy body moved with grace and confidence across the sand.

Her longing was so strong it was painful.

He wouldn’t keep her away from Sara.

He wouldn’t force her to stay out of their lives.

Boneless with relief, she sank onto the rock. It was just as well that he’d left, for words were beyond her. Tough as he might want to be, Stone wouldn’t turn away from her. His personal code of ethics, his very morals, wouldn’t allow it.

Just as they also wouldn’t allow him to forgive her for deserting their child, no matter how scared, alone and frightened she’d been.

“What about your office? Who’s watching it?”

Jenna jumped. This was the first time Stone had spoken to her in hours. Straightening her reading glasses on her nose, she lifted her head from the computer monitor.

His shoulder was propped against the doorjamb, his arms were folded across his chest, and his legs were crossed at the ankle, a posture that proclaimed, despite its apparent nonchalance, a very dangerously annoyed male. Nevertheless she decided to take his inquisitiveness as a positive thing, since he’d been pointedly ignoring her until now.

“I have a part-time secretary,” she said. Her “secretary” was Kristen, who most likely was barely managing to cope with the phone.

Stone said nothing, just regarded her with that hooded, yet infinitely patient expression.

And as he’d probably intended, it made her mouth loose.

“It’s an easy office to run,” she said. “All she has to do is answer the telephone for now and make appointments. I’ll give incoming applicants standard testing for typing and basic math skills, then try to match them with specific jobs that companies have called me with or something from the local papers. Mindless really. Anyone could do it,” she ended inanely.

“And doing this,” he said, “opening a temp agency here in this town is a big dream of yours?”

“I…”

“Don’t lie.”

She licked suddenly dry lips, then again straightened her glasses. She pushed a pencil away, then drew it back.

Stalling.

A master at it, she was disgusted to find herself still doing it with Stone. The worst is over, she reminded herself.

“I won’t lie to you,” she said, meeting his gaze. “Ever.”

“I want to believe that.”

“You can.”

“Why a temp agency, Jenna?”

He hadn’t moved a muscle, just regarded her with an intense probing gaze. Nothing but the truth, she’d promised him, and difficult as it was, she would do it. She owed him.

She rose to her feet and came around to the front of the desk, wanting nothing between them. But the moment she did, she regretted the move.

His office wasn’t large and the desk took up much of the available room. What was left, Stone’s big body filled, and it was impossible to ignore. Not to mention that the last time she’d leaned against this desk had been where she and Stone made love.

A dark brow arched as he silently dared her to mention it.

Instead, she blushed.

And he laughed. Laughed!

The sexy chuckle was music to her ears-until he said, “At least the condom worked this time around.”

Vividly she was thrown back in time, to that one and only other occasion in the past that they’d made love, so many years before. They’d used protection then, thinking themselves responsible. She could remember the joy, the overwhelming sensation of being in Stone’s warm loving arms as she gave herself for the first time.

Then, afterward, discovering the torn condom.

“Guess they make them better now” was all she could come up with, but it worked. His mouth curved in a slight smile. With some of the unbearable tension dissolved, their communication went from chilly and distant to incredibly personal.

But it couldn’t be all light and joking, not if they were to get through this, something Jenna intended to do. “You asked why a temp agency.”

He nodded, still in his nonchalant pose but now meaning it, while she tensed up all over again. He could at least have had the decency to be as uncomfortable as her, she thought.

“I’m not very talented, Stone,” she admitted. “I’m twenty-seven and lacking in skills. I’m not very educated, either. I did manage to get in some junior college over the years, but…” She studied her clenched fingers, wondering why it was so hard to say all this when it was the pathetic truth. “There’s not a lot I’m good at. I-”

“You’re good at understanding and reading people.”

His interjection startled Jenna. “Th-thank you,” she said.

“It’s not a compliment. It’s the truth.”

“Which is why this business is perfect for me. I can match people to the correct job.”

“And?” he asked without a hint of what he was thinking or feeling.

“And?”

“Why else are you here, Jenna?”

She’d hold back nothing, not ever again, she reminded herself. But oh, it was hard to open up. “I wanted to be near you and Sara.”

“Because of the accident.”

“Because I realized I’d wasted ten years.” Pushing away from the desk, she closed the distance between them, standing so close she had to tip her head back to look at him. “I ran when I should have stayed and fought, but I didn’t know how to fight then. After that I kept telling myself it was no big deal to be alone. For the first time in my life I was free, truly free to do whatever I wanted. I jumped from job to job, from adventure to adventure, always running so I wouldn’t have to stop and think, because if I did, I’d have to admit I’d been an idiot.”

“Jenna-”

“No, dammit, listen.” She clutched his shirt with both hands. “Please. I didn’t have the skills to deal with all that happened to me back then, and I wouldn’t have let anyone help me gain those skills. I’m not trying to excuse what I did-I can’t. I’m just trying to make it right.”

“Jenna.”

His voice broke through her rushed speech, and horrified, she realized she was still clutching his shirt. She relaxed her grip, but couldn’t make herself let go completely, not when he felt so solid, so hers.

Firmly he reached up and disengaged her hands, placing them at her sides. Then he stepped back. “You’re Sara’s mother,” he said in a neutral tone. “Nothing I can do will change that. But you can’t go back and make all this right. You just can’t.”