Jill Shalvis - Long-Lost Mom

“Name one.”

“I was uncertain ten years ago that I could keep you safe. And alive,” he added bitterly. “Or that I could show you how good life could be.”

Shock held her immobile.

He turned away, clearly disgusted at himself for the admission.

“Stone-”

“No,” he snapped, turning back and pointing at her. “You wanted to know, so I’m going to tell you.” He let out a short laugh, tossed his head back and stared at the sky. “I was uncertain as hell when I started to fall for Cindy.” He looked at her then, his eyes full of challenge. “How’s that for honesty, Jenna? Blunt, no-holds-barred honesty.” He lifted his brows. “You’re still here? Well, good. You haven’t run yet. Maybe you’ll hang around, after all.”

“Stone-”

“We were talking about uncertainty,” he interrupted her tightly. “Which just about defines my world-has ever since you told me the truth about who you were. And once again we’re back to the million-dollar question. Why are you really back?” He sat back down on the rock, making her all too aware of the powerful body only a few feet from hers. A body she knew could give strength and courage-but this time she needed to find her own.

“I had to right my wrongs.”

“So you keep saying.” He stared at her. “So that’s what this is really all about? You think you wronged us. Sara and me, and you want to fix it? Then when you’re finished, you’ll be off on your merry way to start a new life?”

“No.” She let out a puff of air and stared at the churning surf. “I’m not doing this right.”

“No kidding.” In one fluid motion he was again on his feet. “And I’m too busy to play games with you.”

She saw her past, present and future running away from her. She couldn’t let him go. “Wait!” she cried, leaping up, grabbing his arm, tugging at him until he turned to face her. “Please, Stone. The truth is simple. I have wronged you and Sara. And yes, I want the chance to make it up to both of you, but I’m not fool enough to hope you’ll easily let me do that.”

“I don’t want you to make it up to us.” Beneath her hand his muscles tensed. “I didn’t keep Sara as a favor to you, Jenna. I kept her because she’s my flesh and blood. Because there were two people responsible that night you got pregnant, and I was one of them. I looked high and low for you all these years to tell you that, to tell you that no matter what you’d decided back then, I’d intended to be a major part of Sara’s life. She’s mine and I love her, and I don’t ever think of her as an obligation.”

“You…looked for me?”

“I didn’t want you running because of me.”

The knowledge was like a warm balm on her raw wounds.

“Forget it,” he said. “Sara is no longer your obligation.” His voice was harsh, reminding her that this man wasn’t here to heal her wounds. She was here to heal his . “She’s my child, my life. And I won’t have you hurt her any more than she’s already been hurt.”

“But-”

He cut her off, still furious. “So if you’re thinking I’ll introduce you, then watch you break her heart when you’re done ‘righting your wrongs,’ you couldn’t be more mistaken.”

A couple out for a run passed them. The sun beat down. Waves crashed. Life went on around them as Jenna’s world began to collapse. Again.

“I’m not going to leave, Stone,” she said quietly. “I’m here in San Paso Bay for good.”

“You say that now.” Tiredly he removed her hand from his forearm, making her feel abandoned. “You think you want to stay, but when things get tough, you’ll be out of here fast enough.”

“How dare you!”

“How dare I?” He laughed humourlessly. “That’s good, Jenna. I suppose you’re going to deny taking off from the hospital without even saying goodbye.” He lowered his voice when a few kids raced by. “Without so much as a damn word only hours after Sara’s birth. I worried myself sick over you and your condition, and what you would do, where you would go… Why am I even saying this?” Shaking his head, he clamped his mouth shut and studied the stretch of beach in front of them.

He’d worried himself sick over her.

She’d deserted him in his greatest time of need, and still, his thoughts had been for her. Hard to maintain anger now, when her heart was cracking open and dying, but she had to finish. She looked at him. She was so full of things she wanted and needed to say she hardly knew where to start.

“I’m staying this time.”

He lifted a mocking brow.

“You know nothing about me anymore, Stone. Please, could you try not to judge me on what that seventeen-year-old girl would have done?”

His response surprised her. “You’re judging me.”

“I’ve never judged you.”

“No?” he asked in a deceptively quiet voice. “What about when you came back into town and didn’t tell me who you were? You should have told me, Jenna. I’ve tried to understand this, honestly I have. You know that I’d never have hurt you, that I’d never have kept Sara from you.” With a touch so light she might have thought she was dreaming if she couldn’t see with her own eyes, his fingers brushed the faint scars on her face. “You know that, or you should.”

“I do know.” She pressed his hand to her face with her own, overcome by his generosity of spirit. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, his gaze following the movement of his hand on her skin. Just that light connection seemed to mesmerize both of them. It was a touch that entwined their souls. “‘Sorry’ can’t cut it,” he murmured. “It can’t. There’s too much at stake.”

Oh, God. He meant Sara. If he turned from her now, there’d be no Sara in her life. “I can show you with time, then,” she promised desperately. “I’m not going anywhere. Sooner or later you’ll believe that.”

“Maybe.”

Closing her eyes, she savored the feel of his callused fingers on her face.

“Maybe?” she repeated hopefully. “Did you really say maybe?”

“Let’s make a deal,” he said, pulling his hand back. “I won’t push you to explain how you could have stayed away so long, and you won’t push me for promises I can’t give.”

He wasn’t going to make any promises. She blinked hard, determined to keep her broken dreams to herself.

As always, he saw right through her. Sighing deeply, he said, “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“Can you honestly tell me you would have rejoiced at the sight of me?” she asked quietly. “Forgiven me completely?”

“We’ll never know.” The impasse between them was heavily weighted. “I’ve got work to do.”

“So do I,” she said, just as stubborn. “If you’ll let me do it.”

“Take the damn job if you want,” he said wearily. “I don’t care.”

“I’ll do that.” She moved away, intending to go to her car, but he stopped her.

She stared down at the hand on her arm, very aware of his strength and how he always tempered it with her, even when pushed to fury. And how had she repaid that? By hurting him at every turn. Looking up into his face, she had to swallow hard against the truth-she’d never loved him more than she did right this minute.

But could she tell him, or would he-rightly so-throw that love back in her face. “This isn’t over,” he said, still touching her. “I have no idea what you want to do about Sara. But that decision is mine, not yours.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to rebuke him, to protest against the unfairness, but she knew it wasn’t for himself that he made these demands. He didn’t have a selfish bone in his body, which meant his stipulation was for the person he had given up a great part of his life to protect.