Susan Mallery: Sweet Trouble

For the third time that morning, she pulled in front of a house owned by someone who very well might not welcome her back. But this time she didn’t bother with pictures. She had the real thing.

“Hurry!” Gabe instructed, as she unfastened him from the car seat. “Hurry!”

He ran ahead of her, racing up the walk and then reaching up on his toes so he could push the doorbell. Jesse grabbed her purse, slammed the door and jogged after him, but she was too late. The front door opened before she got there.

Paula stood there, looking a little older, but not all that different. Her hair was still dark like her son’s. There were a few more lines around her face and she’d gained a little weight, but otherwise she was as Jesse remembered.

“Hi,” Gabe said with a grin. “You’re my grandma.”

Paula stiffened as she gazed at the boy, then she looked past him to where Jesse stood halfway up the walk.

“Hi,” Jesse said, knowing she would have handled the situation differently than her four-year-old, but it was too late now. “I probably should have called or something. We just got into Seattle yesterday.”

Paula blinked several times. “Jesse?”

“I’m Gabe,” he said. “You’re my grandma.”

Tears filled Paula’s eyes. “You were pregnant?”

Jesse nodded, still not sure what was going to happen. She braced herself for screaming or nasty accusations. Instead, Paula smiled at Gabe as if he were a treasure she’d never expected to find.

“I’ve never had a grandson before. This is very exciting. Would you like to come in?”

Gabe nodded and stepped into the house. Jesse followed more slowly.

The place was as she remembered. She’d only been to it a few times, but each visit had been difficult enough for her to remember forever.

The colors were soothing, the furniture comfortable. The reason the awkward hours were etched into her brain had nothing to do with the house itself and everything to do with Paula.

“This way,” Paula said. “You know, it’s funny. I made cookies this morning. I don’t usually make cookies, but suddenly I got in the mood.” She smiled at Gabe again, looking stunned but pleased. “Do you like chocolate chip?”

He nodded in appreciation. “They’re my favorite.”

“Mine, too, although I really like peanut butter, too.”

“Those are my favorite, too,” Gabe told her, as charming as ever. “You’re pretty. Isn’t my grandma pretty, Mommy?”

Jesse nodded.

Paula looked as if she couldn’t believe this was happening. “Can I hug you?” she asked him.

Gabe smiled and held out his arms. Paula dropped to her knees and held him close. Her eyes closed as her face took on an expression of such longing that Jesse had to look away. Wasn’t this always the way? The two people who were more likely to welcome her had been cautious and unfriendly. The one person who had always hated her seemed thrilled she was back in town. Life was nothing if not perverse.

Fifteen minutes later, Gabe had eaten a cookie and finished a small glass of milk. He’d also brought Paula up to date on their trip from Spokane and how he was going to meet his daddy soon.

“Matt hasn’t seen him yet?” Paula asked.

Jesse shook her head, then looked into the family room. “Gabe, would you like to watch TV for a little bit?”

It was a rare daytime treat. Her son jumped to his feet and followed her to the sofa. Paula found a channel for kids, then the two women retreated to the kitchen where they could keep an eye on Gabe without being overheard.

“I didn’t know,” Paula said as soon as they were seated. She leaned toward Jesse and touched her hand. “I swear, I didn’t know you were pregnant. All I knew was what your sister said.” She shifted uncomfortably. “I told Matt about that.”

“I know. It’s okay. There were complications.” Jesse hated how, after all this time, the past still had the power to hurt everyone involved.

“It was a long time ago,” Jesse told her. “Whatever you believe, you have to know I loved Matt. I would never have hurt him.”

“I do believe you,” Paula said, surprising her. “He was devastated after you left.”

“Was he?” It was nice to know he’d missed her, however briefly. “I told him I was pregnant, but he didn’t think he was the father. I told him there hadn’t been anyone else, but he didn’t believe me.”

Once again Paula looked uncomfortable. “It’s my fault. All of it. He was angry because of what I said. I’d held him too close for too long. I was one of those horrible, clinging mothers they’re always discussing on talk shows. He was angry with you, but he never forgave me. We stopped being close after you left. We’re still not close. I rarely see him.”

“I’m sorry,” Jesse said, and found she meant it. “You’re his mother. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Something he’s managed to ignore,” she said with a lightness that seemed forced. “So tell me. What have you been doing with yourself?”

“I’ve been living in Spokane. That’s where I went when I took off. At least that’s where the money ran out. I got a job in a bar. I was lucky. Bill, the guy who owns the place, took care of me. Found me a place to live, worked my schedule around Gabe.” She smiled as she thought of her boss and friend. “He’s the one who gave me the kick in the ass to come back here. Well, him and Gabe. Your grandson wants to meet his daddy. I couldn’t keep saying no.”

“Are you and Bill-” Paula’s voice trailed off.

Jesse stared at her. “Are we…” she got the question “…involved? Oh, no. We’re just friends. He says I’m too young for him.” She smiled. “He’s in his sixties, as are all his friends. They’ve been my family while I was gone. It was just so hard being away. It’s only a few hundred miles, but I felt like I was in another world. I couldn’t believe Nicole just let me go.”

Jesse held the coffee mug Paula had given her but didn’t drink. “It was always just Nicole and me. She was my bossy older sister. Claire, her twin, had gone away the year I was born, so I never knew her beyond the little Nicole told me or what I read in magazines.”

“She plays piano?”

“Yes. She’s pretty famous but I don’t really know her beyond some e-mails and letters. She’s been in touch with me over the years. She’s the one who told me about Nicole getting married and all that.” Jesse tried to keep the pain out of her voice. Despite everything that had happened between them, she loved Nicole and had hated being cut off from her. Nicole’s life had gone on, as if she, Jesse, had never been a part of things.

“How long are you back here?” Paula asked.

“I don’t know. A few weeks. I’m half owner of the Keyes Bakery, but I’m not asking Nicole for anything. I’m going to work there and give her my brownie recipe. I’ve been working on it for months. It’s finally perfect and-”

Jesse pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry. I’m going on and on about my life when what you really want to hear about is Gabe. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in a long time.”

“Me, either,” Paula told her. “Where are you staying?”

“In a motel. I’m going to rent some place furnished in the University District. It will be cheap in the summer.”

“That will make for a lot of driving,” Paula said. “You could just stay here. With me.”

Jesse didn’t know what to say. Talk about an unexpected invitation. “Are you sure?”

“Come see the rooms, then decide.”

Stunned, Jesse followed her upstairs. Two bedrooms sat at one end of the hallway, a shared bathroom between them. Both were set up for guests, with double beds and bright colors. The rooms were lovely, well lit and clean, so different from the seedy place she would have to rent, that she felt herself getting emotional.