Susan Mallery - Sweet Trouble

“You heard I had lunch with Gabe?” he asked.

“Your mom told me. That’s what made me set this up. We need to work out some kind of visitation schedule. Gabe enjoys spending time with you and consistency is important.”

“I agree.”

His gaze was steady, his voice low. She couldn’t let herself look at him for too long. It was like staring at the sun-she could get hurt, perhaps permanently.

“I’ll go along with whatever schedule you want,” he told her. “I’ll make myself available.”

The expression in his eyes seemed more sad than angry. “Jesse, I’m more sorry than you can know. I took what you gave me and threw it away. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I want to make it up to you and to Gabe.”

“How?” she asked, feeling tired beyond words. “You can’t undo what happened, Matt. Look, Gabe wants a dad and you want to be one. Great. So we’ll move forward from that. You’ll see him and have a relationship with him.”

“But not with you.”

“No. Not with me.” She clutched her tea. “I wish it could be different.” More than he knew. Despite everything, she still loved him. The problem was she no longer had any hope where they were concerned.

“It can.” He leaned toward her. “Everything can be different. You got the paperwork, right? Withdrawing the custody petition? Just give me a chance. Let me prove myself to you. Let me show you who I am.”

Unexpectedly, her eyes began to burn. She stood quickly. “I already know who you are. What you are. I can never let myself trust you or believe in you. You’ve shown me that in the clearest way possible. So stop trying. Let me know what schedule works best for you with Gabe. Then we can finalize the details of your visitation.”

He rose at the same time that she did. “This isn’t the end. I’m not giving up. I love you.”

The words hurt more than anything else he’d said-mostly because she desperately wanted to believe him. “People in love don’t do what you did, Matt. E-mail me a schedule that works for you and I’ll get back to you within a day or so.”

“Jesse, no. Stop. Talk to me. There has to be more.”

She looked at him. “There should be, but this is all we have now.”

Then she left, doing her best not to run, not to show weakness. But it was hard to go, with her eyes filled with tears and her heart begging her to listen and given him one more chance.

MATT’S SUGGESTED DATES and times for seeing his son arrived in Jesse’s e-mail, along with a notice from her bank about an automatic deposit. Jesse stared at the large amount and suspected it would appear at the same time every month. It was child support. Matt had found a way to get her the money.

She didn’t bother wondering how he’d found out her bank account number. A man like him could do that easily. Computers were his thing. And he had near unlimited resources.

No doubt her bank would be stunned by her new balance. She’d always been one of those customers who sometimes had to ride her balance down to the last couple of pennies. She’d never bounced a check, but it had been close a few times. She’d struggled for so long and now there was more than enough.

Her first thought was to put most of it aside to pay for Gabe’s college, but to what end? Matt would take care of that. She could offer Paula rent, again, but doubted she would take it. Eventually she would move out and get her own place, but Paula had made it clear she didn’t want that to happen anytime soon. Jesse wasn’t in a hurry, either. Paula loved being with her grandson and Gabe thrived under her attention. Jesse appreciated having another adult around. So for now, she would stay.

Gabe ran into her bedroom and stood next to the bed where she sat with her computer on her lap. His eyes were big, his expression hopeful.

“It’s Grandma’s birthday on Saturday,” he said in a loud whisper. “I heard Uncle Bill say that. Grandma needs a party.”

Paula’s birthday? Jesse had never known the date. She pushed her computer aside and scrambled off the bed. “You’re right,” she told her son. “We need to have a big party for Grandma.” She had a feeling Bill would want to take Paula somewhere nice for dinner. “What about lunch? We could have balloons and presents and a cake.”

“And ice cream,” her son said, clapping his hands together. “And presents.”

“Lots of presents.” Paula might not be willing to accept rent money, but she wouldn’t turn down a few gifts. Jesse knew it was the least she could do. Plus it would be fun. “I’m going to go tell Uncle Bill our plan. I think the party should be a surprise.”

Gabe grinned. “A secret?”

“Uh-huh. So you can’t tell.”

“I won’t.”

She had her doubts. Excitement usually won out in the four-year-old consciousness, but either way, Paula would know she was loved and appreciated.

“Can Daddy go shopping with us?” Gabe asked.

Jesse hesitated. “He’ll buy his own presents for his mom.”

Gabe’s chin came up-a sure sign he was about to be stubborn. “I want Daddy to go shopping with us.”

Refusing would be so easy. She could say that Matt was busy and Gabe would never know the difference. Except that would be lying and she’d done her best to never lie to her son. But spending time with Matt?

She hurt every time she thought of him. Her heart ached and her body burned. She missed being around him, missed his touch, his laugh, the way he knew her, understood her. Telling herself that knowledge had allowed him to devastate her didn’t take away the fact that she still loved him.

“I’ll ask him,” she promised, knowing it was the right thing to do. Knowing she would get through it and hey, maybe even be stronger for it. She would ignore the fact that every time she was with him, another piece of her heart withered and died.

GABE SNIFFED ONCE, then sneezed. Matt laughed. “Not that one, huh?”

His son wrinkled his nose. “It doesn’t smell like Grandma.”

Jesse bent down and touched Gabe’s cheek. “Are you sure you want to get perfume? Grandma might like a nice sweater, or some gloves to keep her warm this winter.”

Their four-year-old shook his head. “I want ’fume. But it has to smell like Grandma.”

Matt glanced at the sales associate who had patiently sprayed scents on half a dozen paper sticks and handed them to Gabe. “Sorry about this,” he said. “We should have headed him off earlier.”

She smiled. “That’s fine. The right scent is important.”

She was pretty enough, and smiling in a way that let Matt know she was more than interested. Not that he cared. His attention was solely on Jesse, who had been polite and emotionally distant ever since he’d picked both her and Gabe up an hour ago at his mom’s place.

He’d been surprised when she’d called him about his mother’s birthday and pleased when she’d suggested the three of them go shopping. Even her making it clear that the idea had been Gabe’s didn’t detract from his pleasure in her company. However he got to spend time with her was fine with him. He would use every minute to his advantage.

“You don’t like any of these?” Jesse asked.

Gabe shook his head.

“Not even this one?” She picked up the sample of the first fragrance.

“Uh-uh.”

“Maybe we should take a break from perfume shopping,” Jesse told the boy. “I want to get Grandma a sweater, so let’s do that and we’ll try somewhere else.”

“Okay.” He slipped his hand in hers. “Grandma likes red.”

“Yes, she does.” Jesse glanced at Matt. “Is this making you crazy?”

“Not yet.”

She smiled. It was an easy smile that told him, at least for the moment, she’d forgotten to be on her guard. Then the smile faded and she looked away.