Susan Mallery - Under Her Skin

“I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know what to say.” Or how to say it.

Would Cruz be happy? Or would he see this as another Kendra? A child to ignore?

The woman handed her a clear plastic box. Inside, on a nest of crinkly strips of pink and blue paper, sat a pacifier.

“Try giving him this,” she said. “He’ll figure it out.”

Lexi nodded and put the box on top of the books.

When she’d paid and returned to her car, she glanced at the shopping bag on the passenger seat. She had to tell him. He had the right to know. And at some point, she should probably mention she’d fallen in love with him.

Maybe it would all work out. Maybe he would be excited and see this as a chance for them to start over-to really be a couple. Maybe he’d secretly loved her for years, only he hadn’t known how to tell her.

It was a nice fantasy. One that would be better if she could bring herself to believe it.

“YOU SO OWE ME for this,” Lexi murmured as they moved through the crowded cocktail party.

“It’s part of our deal,” Cruz told her, putting his hand on the small of her back, as much to be close as to guide her. “I don’t have to make it up to you, but I will. Because that’s the kind of guy I am.”

She glanced at him and smiled. The light caught her full in the face, illuminating her pale skin and making her eyes look even more blue. He’d always known she was beautiful but lately she seemed to have an extra glow.

“You’re saying it will all be about me?” she asked.

“Every second.”

“You’re lying and I know you’re lying.”

“It will be about you until the last fifteen minutes.”

She sighed. “That’s just so typical. Fine. Make it about you.”

She eased closer, until they were pressed against each other. His body responded instantly, as it always did. Knowing they would be at the party for a few more hours didn’t dampen his need for her. It lived inside of him, ready to consume him at any moment.

An older couple beckoned him.

“Cruz. I’d heard you were engaged,” the man said. “How is it possible you won a young lady as lovely as this one?”

“I have excellent qualities,” Cruz said.

“I’m sure you do,” the woman said.

He shook hands with the man and kissed the woman on the cheek. “Margaret and Phillip, this is my fiancée, Lexi Titan. Lexi, this is Margaret and Phillip Reynolds. Phillip owns a major auto-parts distribution network. Years ago he took a chance on me when no one else would.”

“I’m the reason,” Margaret said with a laugh. “I told Phillip he would either do business with Cruz or I would run off with him.” She batted her eyes at Cruz. “Not that you were asking.”

She was at least seventy, with the kind of beauty that transcended time. Cruz often thought that Lexi would be like her in another forty years. Still turning heads and making men think about possibilities.

“I didn’t think you were available,” he teased. “Now that I know you are…”

“Don’t even think about it,” Phillip said, stepping between them. “It’s nice to meet you, Lexi. Ignore the two of them. They enjoy tormenting me.”

“It is fun,” Margaret admitted. She reached for Lexi’s left hand. “May I?”

“Of course. Please.” Lexi showed her the ring.

“Beautiful,” Margaret said. “You’ve done well, Cruz.” She patted Lexi’s fingers. “I hope you know you’re getting one of the good guys. Cruz has always been special.”

Lexi glanced at him. “Yes, he is.”

Her words caught him off guard. There was something in her tone that made him want to believe her. Then she turned away and the spell was broken.

“I know your father,” Phillip said. “He’s an impressive businessman.”

“So he tells anyone who will listen,” she said with a smile.

“Didn’t you used to work for him?”

“Out of college,” Lexi said. “I quickly realized that I wanted to be more than Jed Titan’s daughter, so I left to start my own company.”

While Phillip and Lexi talked, Margaret pulled Cruz aside.

“Impressive,” she whispered. “A Titan. I would warn you to be careful, but I can tell by looking at you that it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?”

She smiled. “You are so typical, Cruz. Don’t you want to know why I would warn you to be careful?”

He put his arm around her. “You’re going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not.”

“That’s true.” She glanced back, as if making sure Lexi wasn’t listening. “The Titans aren’t like the rest of us. They’re larger than life. Jed Titan is a hard man, although I suspect you could easily hold your own with him. I wanted to warn you to make sure you’re marrying for love and not for any other reason.” She leaned her head against his chest. “But I don’t have to and that makes me very happy.”

He released her and stepped back. “What are you talking about?”

Margaret reached up and patted his cheek. “As we used to say back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, you’re smitten. I can see it in your eyes. I’ve been waiting, impatiently, I might add, for you to find someone and settle down. But would you? Of course not. You went from girl to girl. And if I was getting frustrated, I can only imagine what your mother was going through. How is Juanita?”

“Fine and that’s not what we’re talking about. What are you saying?”

“That you’ve finally found the one.”

He wanted to tell her she was wrong, only he couldn’t. No one could know about his deal with Lexi. And what did it matter? They were fooling people who’d known him for years. That was a good thing.

Margaret returned to her husband. They chatted for a few minutes, then excused themselves.

“They’re very nice,” Lexi said. “Do you know they’ve been married fifty-two years? I can’t imagine that. They’re so happy together.”

She smoothed her hair as she spoke and the light glinted off her engagement ring.

Engaged. What would that be like? To make a commitment to someone permanently. To decide to make it forever, to only be with that person?

It wasn’t the fidelity he minded. After a while, sleeping with different women got to be more of the same. His objection was about the expectation that he would give his heart to someone. Say the words, feel the feelings and live in an emotional place that left him exposed.

“Tell me you love me.”

The words exploded in his brain, his father’s voice followed by the dull sound of a fist on flesh.

“Say it! Say it or I’ll make you sorry.”

His mother had said the words, then begged for mercy. Sometimes his father had stopped and sometimes he hadn’t.

Love was pain, Cruz thought, shaking off the past. Love was weakness and submission. Love was nothing he wanted.

“Cruz? Are you all right?” Lexi looked concerned.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“Senator Jackson is here. He’s a California senator but his wife is a born and bred Texan. Do you know him?”

“No.”

She slipped her hand into his. “Then let’s go introduce you. He’s a hard-drinking, hunting, cigar-smoking kind of guy. You’ll like him.”

“I’m none of those things.”

She laughed. “You’re tough and your own man. So is he.”

Was that how she saw him?

She led him across the room, her fingers laced with his. But before they arrived at the knot of men talking, he drew her to a stop.

“Never mind,” he said.

“What? You should meet him. He’s important.”

“Not tonight.”

She frowned. “We have a deal.”

“You’ve done enough, Lexi. I can meet the senator on my own.”

“I don’t understand.”