C. Brown - Fraternizing

“You’re not leaving the house right now, Alex.”

I shoved his hand off of me, stepping away before I took out my aggression on him.

“Fuck off, Riley.”

“No. You need to calm the fuck down. I’m sure they’ve got his ass on some sort of watched restriction right now. You go up there, and you’ll blow the whole fucking lid off of you and Cassie. No one knows right now, but you go defending her honor, and the whole goddamned schoolhouse is going to know about it. Think, man.”

He poked me forcefully in the head, pissing me off, but his words were much too rational and made me stop and think for second. He was right. If I went storming up there, way after the fact, it would definitely rouse suspicion. I hated how right he was. That alone made me want to punch him.

I turned and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a water and drinking it down in one long gulp before throwing the bottle at the wall, watching it fall to the ground.

“I’m only looking out for you and Cassie, man.”

“There won’t be a me and Cassie, dude. She got orders to fucking Lejeune. As of next week, she’ll be on a fucking plane to the east coast, and I’ll be stuck here, wallowing in this cesspool.”

He walked into the kitchen, disbelief spread across his face.

“What the fuck are you saying? You’ve gone through all of this—the hiding, the lying, the secrets—to just throw it all away because she got orders to another base? What is wrong with you?”

“Don’t fucking start—“

“No. You need to listen. You’ve changed for this girl.” He walked closer to me, stopping just in front of me. “You fucking love her, and I’ll be damned if I stand by and watch you let her walk away because you aren’t going to be near each other. Wake the fuck up,” he said, poking me in the chest.

“Back the fuck up, Riley.”

“Punch me, Alex. Do whatever you have to do to get the stupidity out of your fucking system. But walking away from Cassie, that’s not happening. You’ve sucked me into this, and I’m not putting my fucking career on the line to watch you throw it all away.”

I wanted to give him what he wanted. I wanted to punch him, but I wanted to punch myself even more. I didn’t know what to think, and everything that I did think was wrong. I knew there was no way that I wanted to not have Cassie in my life, but thoughts of her being on the opposite end of the country made me sick with worry. I’d already fucked up on her, and even though it was an admitted mistake, I couldn’t shake the idea that the distance would taint her mind and leave her with no choice but to want to end things with me. I turned away from him and grabbed a shot glass from the cupboard and the bottle of Jack.

“Grab me one, too,” Riley said, stepping over to me.

I grabbed a second glass and let him open the whiskey, pour the glasses full, then hand me my glass. I threw it back and slammed the glass down on the counter, wincing at the sting as it traveled down my throat.

“You need another?” Riley asked, holding the bottle up. “I’ll drink all night with you if this is what you need to bring some sanity back to your mind.”

“I’m good, man,” I lowly answered, now feeling like my head was swirling from the sudden heat filling my body, along with the stress and anxiety of everything that I had been told today. “I need to call Cassie and let her know to just chill for the night.”

I turned and walked out of the kitchen, shutting my door behind me once I got into my room. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to beat the shit out of Allen and be able to keep her here with me. I was losing control. This situation came to mind before, and we’d even discussed it, but the reality of her being sent off hurt much more than the prospect of it. I wasn’t sure how I would come to grips with the impending separation.

I called her, needing to hear her voice one more time before I forced myself to sleep.

“Hey,” she said, sounding very sweet, exactly what I needed at the moment.

“Hey. I needed to hear your voice, and I’m sorry for going crazy on you earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it. I figured you were just upset.”

“Yeah, but I should have channeled that shit. Anyway, Riley talked some sense into me. I’m not going up there. In fact, we both need to lay low for a bit and let all of this blow over.”

“I agree.”

“I’ll be up there early to see First Sergeant O’Hara. If they haven’t already removed him from the class, I’m going to have it done.”

“Alex, don’t make it any bigger than what it needs to be. We have a few more instructional days and then we graduate. I’m good.”

“Well, somebody is getting their orders changed. If they don’t get rid of his sorry ass, I’m not letting you PCS with him.”

“Well, we’ll see what happens. I’m honestly over it. I just want to move on.”

“I’ll let you know what happens. How is your crazy ass roommate? You’ve got me all sorts of worried about you.”

“She’s fine. We avoid each other, and it works.”

“Good. Well, I’ll let you get some sleep. I need some before I show up ready to break somebody in half tomorrow.”

She laughed. Finally. Her laugh was a remedy for all sorts of ailments, and right now, I needed a hefty dose of it.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

I hung up the phone and lay there, staring at the ceiling and wondering how I would keep myself under control when I finally did get the chance to look Allen in the eye. Sleep didn’t come easily, so I took a long shower, jacking off to release the rest of the stress that was still piled up inside of me, then finally laid down—ass naked, on top of the bedspread and under a ferociously spinning ceiling fan. I needed any and everything to cool me down.

First thing in the morning, before the stars had even hidden themselves away, I got up and went for a long run, hoping the still looming tension from the night before would dissipate before heading in to work. After four miles, it was still there, still loading me down. I jogged back home and immediately showered, trying to think of pleasant thoughts where Cassie was concerned, to keep the tension from growing. I hummed Fall For You while I washed myself off, remembering the beautiful smile on her face as I strummed the guitar on the beach, and she lowly hummed along. Those were the moments I want to think about, not this bullshit festering between her and Allen.

I knocked on Riley’s door, calling out, “See ya later, man,” before walking for the front door. He came darting out of his room, wearing just his boxers. “I don’t need to see your shit first thing in the morning, Riley. I have enough traumatizing shit going on in my head right now.”

“Fuck off,” he joked, the goofy, awkward Riley back. “I just wanted to make sure you remembered what I said last night.”

“I remember, man. I’m going in to see First Sergeant O’Hara.”

“Alright. Don’t do anything stupid, Alex.”

I flipped him off and turned for the door, leaving with his words replaying over and over in my head.

Standing in front of First Sergeant’s door, I contemplated the different ways that I wanted to approach this issue. I couldn’t give anything away that this was a personal matter for me, but I also didn’t want this shit swept under the rug. I needed to make sure that Allen got what he deserved, and at this point in time, it would be better coming from the higher ups than it would be coming from me. I knocked on the door, turning the knob and removing my cover before stepping in after hearing O’Hara tell me to come in.