Riley Mackenzie - Beautifully Awake

Then a shadow crossed her face. “I remember … Chase, I remember everything. The stairwell, CJ ... he was … oh my god, it was Jennings ... and then I fell. My head … it hurts so bad.” She cringed and clenched her eyes while she attempted to grab the back of her head.

“Baby, don’t touch, you have a nice sized gash back there. We’ll get you some more pain meds. We didn’t want to give you too much that you couldn’t wake up.” Shit, I could only imagine how fucking bad her head hurt.

“What about poor Kate, is she okay? Oh god, did he do something to her?” My selfless girl had her head bashed in by a fucking lunatic, was in a coma for two days, had so much brain swelling she needed to have her body temperature dropped so low she almost shivered off the fucking bed, and she was worried about her girlfriend. I loved this woman.

“Kate’s fine. Don’t worry about her. And Jennings, he’s a fucking drug addict rotting in a jail cell. He won’t hurt you or anyone else again.”

“Sierra ... and the baby? Oh god, she’s gonna be worried about me. It can’t be good for the baby.”

“Shhh. Sierra’s fine too. She’s actually downstairs on labor and delivery. She broke her water this morning. Otherwise, she’d probably still be up here driving me fucking crazy. Looks like you woke up just in time. You’re gonna be an aunt sometime tonight.”

“This morning, what ... wait, what day is it?” Her brows shot up in confusion.

“Wednesday night, baby. You’ve been in a coma.” Damn. I hated the panic on her face.

“A coma? What? Did my dad know? Oh god.” She was still worried about everyone else. Pure fucking sweet.

“It’s okay, baby, look at me. Everyone knows. Everyone’s been here patiently waiting for you to wake up.” I smiled for the first time in days. Fuck, it felt so good. I pressed the call button and told the ICU nurse she was awake and to get her morphine drip ready.

“I sent your dad and Sharon back to my place a few hours ago. They needed some sleep—they haven’t left your side. They were exhausted, but they’ll want to hear your voice. Let me get them on the phone. You okay to talk?”

She nodded.

While she talked to her dad, I texted Dodd and Asher.

AWAKE!

My girl looked so weak, pale and battered talking on the phone, but she was talking. It was the best fucking sight in the world. She hung up and smiled at me, nothing but love in her eyes.

She wasn’t going to rest peacefully until everyone was accounted for, so before she asked, I gave her the rundown. “Dodd texted back. Sierra just got her epidural. He’ll keep us in the loop and have her call once she’s comfortable. Just so you know, she hasn’t stopped bawling since she found out you’re awake.”

“She’s never gonna let me live this one down. Poor Dodd.” She half smiled. “Was she that bad?”

“Put it this way, baby, I finally figured out the whole Asspuck name. She’s ... a lot ... and be glad you’re not down there. Dodd basically made it sound like he has been doing nothing but wiping fluids ... fluids dripping from too many orifices.”

“Ow, don’t make me laugh.” She winced in pain when she chuckled. But she laughed. She was awake and laughing.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve pictured your beautiful smile?”

She bit her bottom lip and did that thing where her smile goes a little crooked, driving me crazy. So fucking sweet. “Careful, baby, that’s the face that puts me over the edge. And I need you better. We have plans. Lots of plans, involving some quality healing time at the Cape ... naked.”

She groaned and coaxed me to come closer to her frail body. Her arms and legs freely moved. Thank fucking god.

I climbed into the way too small bed, and she curled against my chest. She was so thin, her ribs pressed against me and I felt her heartbeat. The best feeling. Then she wiggled her left hand in the air.

“I’ll make you a deal, me naked ... for a lifetime with you.”

Fuck, yes. Was she implying what I fucking hoped? If this was a dream, fucking leave me in it.

“Are you saying you’re ready, Blue? Because I’ll marry you tomorrow, baby, truth.” Truth . No sooner did the word come out of my mouth, I knew I had to tell her. If she was going to promise me forever, she deserved to know. She deserved truth. “There’s something else I need to tell you, baby. Something you need to know before you can promise me forever.”

“Let me guess.” She coughed and winced in pain, but she was still smiling. “You don’t know the first thing about hockey, do you, Dr. Know-it-all?” Her smile never wavered, but the look she gave me said something completely different. She was giving me an out. And her blue eyes were begging me to take it. Battered and weak, she was trying to protect my sorry ass. No more.

“Hate the fucking game, but you already knew that, baby ... but that’s not what I’m talking about. I need you to listen, Blue. I need you to know what I’ve done ... who I am.”

“Shh-shh.” Her finger covered my lips. “You listen. I know all I need to know. I know you love me. I know you’d do anything for me. I’m ready to spend the rest of my life as yours. Yours . Whatever you have to say, whatever you may have done, isn’t going to change that. Ever. I’m not blind, Chase, I see it. I still see the pain in your eyes. I see the weight you carry on your shoulders. And when you’re ready, you’ll tell me. When you’re ready. Not for me, but for you. You waited for me; I’ll wait for you. We have forever.”

The knock on the door interrupted the sweetest, gentlest kiss of my life.

“Hi Lili. I’m Dr. Finley. It’s awesome to see you awake.” She was still too fucking chipper, given the fact that forty-eight hours ago she was concerned about the viability of our baby. Fuck . The baby Lili had no clue about yet.

I sighed, slid off her bed and kissed the tip of her nose. Now or never. I would have done anything to shield her from more pain, but she needed to hear this from me. This was too fucking cruel. “Baby, there’s more, but I need you to be strong. Dr. Finley is an OBGYN, she’s here to check you out.”

Her smile fucking vanished..

“OB?” she whispered. “I’m pregnant? Or are you telling me I was pregnant?” Her voice was so small and broken. I fucking hated myself. I wished I had more time to explain. It didn’t help that Chipper was in the room ready to chime in.

“Lili, you’re very early on, about six weeks. The baby has been through a lot, so we need to do an ultrasound to see where things stand.”

Lili eyes welled. This sucked.

Salty tears spilled down her cheeks and wet my lips, as she mumbled, “I’m sorry, so sorry.”

I sat back to look her in the eyes. “Sorry? Why are you sorry? Baby, there is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry about. Nothing. Do you hear me? We made this baby together. I love you, more than anything.”

She thought I regretted that she was pregnant. Fuck no. She needed to know I was never upset about the baby. I wasn’t that same selfish scared kid. She wasn’t going to suffer this loss alone.

I leaned in close and whispered back, “Truth, baby. I want this as much as you. I’m the one who’s sorry.” I made the call that cost us our baby. I couldn’t speak past the burn in my throat, so I nodded in Quinn’s direction. Prolonging the inevitable was not going to help.

Quinn positioned the ultrasound probe low on her abdomen. I zeroed in to the same dark sac that was there two days ago, and waited ... and there it was ... the tiny white flicker. A heartbeat.

“Lili, there’s your baby,” Quinn said in the best chipper voice and pointed to the screen.