Teresa Mummert - White Trash Damaged

“Having fun?” he asked with a smile.

“Awesome!” I smiled.

“We had a great time. Lots of girl talk,” Lizzy chimed in as she bounced her way over to Terry and sat down on his lap.

“Yes, girl talk,” I agreed, and gave him a small playful smile.

The door opened and an older man stuck his head in.

“You’re on in five, guys.” He nodded to the band and closed the door behind him.

Tucker sighed and motioned for the other members.

“Let’s go kick some ass.” The others stood and made their way to the door. Tucker gave me a kiss on the lips, lingering for a moment.

“I’ve missed you.” His forehead fell against mine, and for a second we were the only ones on the planet.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Eric pushed by us angrily, and I fell into Tucker who grabbed me in his arms.

“Fuck and get it over with so we can go play this gig.” He left the room before either of us could process the words.

“What is his problem?” I pulled back and searched Tucker’s eyes.

“He’s having a bad day.” Tucker winked and kissed me one last time before making his way out of the door.

“Take care of my girl, Lizzy,” he called over his shoulder as they made their way down the hall.

Lizzy came to my side, slinging her arm over my shoulder as we watched the guys turn and disappear down another hall.

“What’s up with Eric?”

“Like I said, he is intense.” She laughed and shook her head. “He and Tucker get under each other’s skin a lot. I don’t know what it is. Almost like brothers, ya know?”

I nodded. I didn’t know what sibling rivalry was like personally, but I got the idea.

“Come on. Let’s go watch the guys perform.” She tugged, and I followed, eager to see Tucker sing again.

We made our way back down the labyrinth of hallways until we were stage left. The guys stood off to the side, deep in discussion, so we hung back and waited for them to be called to the stage. The twins headed onstage first and the crowd screamed in excitement as they strummed a few notes on their guitars. Next Eric made his way onstage. Losing his shirt in the process and looking like he was headed to a fight. He took his seat behind the drums and slowly began to play a beat, complementing the guitars. Tucker began to sing before he even made his way up the steps. The crowd went insane. I had to cover my ears to keep from going deaf.

I didn’t recognize the song, but I did recognize the sadness in Tucker’s voice. I clutched the heart necklace he had given to me and squeezed it in my palm, wishing I could run onstage and throw my arms around him. He placed the mic in the stand as he sang about having to say good-bye. His eyes glanced my way as I stood helplessly offstage, forced to listen to him croon about pain that I had caused. Lizzy put her arm around me as she swayed to the music, causing me to sway with her.

I struggled to keep my tears at bay, smiling so he wouldn’t see my sadness, but I felt his. We hadn’t spoken much about me leaving, about our time apart—it was too hard. But I knew there was still so much left unsaid, so much hurt that time hadn’t yet healed. And suddenly it was all hitting me through his soft yet powerful melody. Soon the song ended and faded into the next, an angrier piece about a man scorned. It was like a secret invitation into Tucker’s private thoughts, and it was terrifying. I had no idea the pain I had caused him. I was too wrapped up in my own hurt.

“Great song, right?” Lizzy was singing along and bouncing up and down to the beat.

Tucker didn’t glance my way, and I was happy that I wouldn’t have to see the look in his eyes at that moment. I did notice Eric looking in our direction and wondered what was going on with him and Tucker. I hoped again that I wasn’t the cause of any turmoil between the members of the band . . . but I couldn’t help but sense that I was. Clearly things between Tucker and me had fueled quite a bit of their recent set list.

Tucker’s voice became a distant humming as I let myself sink inside my own thoughts. I needed to block out thoughts like that to keep from running again. I had come all this way and refused to leave him again. I just hoped I was strong enough to keep that promise.

But if the band didn’t want me around, how long could I stay, causing tension between them? I couldn’t wait for the guys to finish their set so I could have Tucker by my side, but the end of the concert also meant the beginning of the after-party. I could only hope that the images playing through my mind were gross exaggerations: women running around naked, begging to sleep with whomever would take them; drugs passed freely among bandmates and groupies. For the first time in weeks, I missed the trailer park. The predictability. Nothing changed from day to day. I knew what life had in store for me and never had to wonder what tomorrow would bring. Not that it was ever good. But at least I knew.

I glanced over at Lizzy who was consumed by the music, singing along. I wanted to be carefree, enjoy myself without having to wonder what curveball would be thrown my way next. But at that moment Tucker’s eyes found mine. I smiled, and he smirked back at me with a half grin that put me at ease.

“He’s got it bad,” Lizzy yelled into my ear, causing my grin to spread from ear to ear.

I pushed the negative thoughts from my mind and decided to embrace the moment. I shook my hips as we listened to a few more songs. The set ended and Tucker made his way down the steps, wrapping his hands around my waist and lifting me from the ground to kiss me.

“Do you know how hard it is to be on that stage while you’re over here shaking your ass like that?” He smiled as he spun me in a circle and placed me back on the ground.

“You signing, man?” Chris asked as the band gathered beside us.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Tucker replied, his eyes glued to mine. “Wait for me,” he whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him. And I meant it.

Lizzy wrapped her fingers around my arm at the elbow and pulled me back from Tucker’s embrace.

“There will be plenty of time for this at the after-party.” She laughed, but the look from Tucker made her stop short.

I suddenly wished she had never told me about the parties. Maybe I wasn’t invited. Maybe Tucker didn’t want me hindering his chances with the adoring fans. I shook the thought from my mind. Tucker wasn’t Jax, and he had never given me a reason not to trust him. We were together now. He was my future. . . . I needed to stop letting the baggage I still carried from my past influence my expectations of Tuck.

“Come on, man.” Terry was trying to get the band to follow him so they could greet the fans. Tucker kissed my temple and backed up a few steps before turning to follow, running his hand through his hair.

“What was that about?” I turned to Lizzy who was digging through her pockets and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I pulled in a deep breath at the sight of them. I hadn’t thought twice about smoking since I had quit, but seeing them made me crave them all over again.

Lizzy shrugged as she pulled a cigarette from the pack.

“These artist types are so moody.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Want one?” She held out the pack to me and I waved them away, but my nerves were killing me.

“Sure, just one won’t hurt.” I pulled one from the pack and nodded in thanks as she slid them into the back pocket of her jean shorts.

“Come on.” She cocked her head toward an emergency exit door.

“We will be back in five. Don’t forget about us,” she called to the security guard who was still blocking the door to the hallways. He nodded in our direction.