Jennifer Probst - Searching for Someday

He straightened his jacket and eased back to lawyer mode. The woman who entered his office was easily in her seventies, with short gray hair, glasses, and dressed in a polyester pantsuit with old lady shoes. Her smile was kind and generous, and she greeted him in a soothing voice and a firm handshake. Slade prepped himself, sensing this would be a bad one. Maybe her husband going for the younger woman? Blowing through their retirement? Sleeping with the maid?

“Mrs. White, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I know you said you were filing for a legal separation, and I’m very sorry for your troubles. Would you share some of the details with me?”

She eased back into the chair with a serene air that puzzled him. “Of course, thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Mr. Montgomery. You’ve helped some friends I know and they spoke very highly of your reputation. I’ve been married to my husband for forty years. We have four children. I’m seeking a legal separation for now so he can be free for a while to explore.”

He fought a frown and flipped through the folder where he’d made previous notes. “I see this is uncontested. What brought about the separation? If he’s threatening you or been unfaithful, I can make sure you’re protected.”

Her laugh tinkled in the air with merriment. “Oh, goodness no, he’s never cheated. We’ve had a wonderful life together, but he longs to travel and see the world. You see, we married young and with the children and the difficulty in saving money, we didn’t have much time to do anything. Charles always dreamed of traveling and having adventures. I preferred the home life, so he compromised throughout our entire marriage. We raised our kids, paid off our house, and saved for college, then retirement. But now he doesn’t want to leave me. We’ve fought about it, but he refuses to listen. I want him to go and have his adventures, even if it’s without me. It’s his turn, you see, so the only way is to get a legal separation.”

Slade had heard some crazy stories, but this one caused his mind to blank. He tried to make sense of her words. “I apologize, Mrs. White, I’m trying to understand. Your husband did nothing wrong, yet you want to file papers separating with him. How will this help?”

“It will cut the ties he believes he has to me and our marriage. Oh, he loves me, I’ve no doubt. But I want him to be happy. He’s given me joy for the past forty years, compromising to be what I needed. Now it’s his turn. The only way is to set him free. If he wants to get back together after his journey, we shall.”

He cleared his throat and tapped his pen against the desk. “This is an odd request. I’ve never counseled anyone on legal matters when they’re happy and satisfied with their spouse.”

“It must seem strange to some. You see, love is a funny thing. There are no guarantees, just the day-to-day and the moment. You make vows, hope for the best, and do your damnedest to love the person you’re with. We struggled through childhood cancer with my son, two miscarriages, and my daughter’s divorce. But it always came back to us. Do you understand?”

Slade struggled with the pieces of her story. “No. You went through all that and now you want to separate? How was that possibly worth it? He may leave, and not want you back when he returns. This whole thing would’ve been for nothing.” Anger cut through him, raw and angry. “If he gave you so much, why won’t you go with him? What about your sacrifice? Isn’t he worth it?”

She leaned over the desk and clasped his hand within hers. Slade flinched, startled by her touch and the strength in her slightly gnarled hands. Her brown eyes were filled with peace and knowledge. “I’m dying, Mr. Montgomery. I would do anything to go with him, be by his side while he finally sees the world. But I can’t, and if I tell him, he’ll never leave. I can’t live with that knowledge. So, I will let him go, and when he returns, I’ll give him the truth. But not before he gets what he needs.”

Shock held him immobile. His heart beat faster. She continued speaking, her voice warm. “The possibility of love is worth everything, Mr. Montgomery. Pain, heartbreak, grief. It is the only thing worthwhile to fight for in this life. And though there are never any promises, if one is true and brave enough to give, there will never be regret. If I lost my husband tomorrow, I would be heartbroken, yes, but I’d never regret or change any of my decisions. And I’ve experienced the type of love that transcends death. A love worth sacrifice and someone else’s happiness. My goodness, what are the alternatives? To be safe but alone? That’s not a life; that’s an existence.”

His hand trembled. The realization crashed over him, dragged him through the rocky, watery sand, and threw him into the icy waves.

So stupid. He’d fallen in love for the first time in his life and thrown it away because it didn’t come with a signed contract of success. He set himself up for a life alone when he could have Kate in his bed, her laughter in his ears, and her body under his. He held himself above all others like God and pitied the world for being beneath him.

Yet, he was the one to be pitied. And it might be too late.

“Mrs. White, I have to go. Right now.”

She blinked, pulled her hand away, and nodded. “I understand. Good luck, Mr. Montgomery. Will you file the papers?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch.”

He raced out of his office, knowing what he needed to do.

KATE DROVE HOME FROM Mugs, the full moon in the sky ripe and glistening with an orange light that shimmered like magic. Jane and Tim had hooked up at Mugs and barely said a word to anyone else in the place. Their heads close together, silly smiles on their faces, Kate sensed the relationship would proceed rapidly, but this time it would be okay. They were simply meant to be together.

Her heart ached, but she’d gotten used to it, pushing her way through the days and nights on automatic pilot. She pulled up to her house, grabbed her purse, and walked toward the door. Let Robert out, a quick snack, and time to order the new Wilson-Vaughn movie. Probably not as good as Crashers , but if it gave her a chuckle she’d call it a success.

She entered the living room and stopped cold.

Her bag fell from her grip.

“Hi.”

Slade stood before her. Robert sat by his side, not moving to greet her, his body shaking with enthusiasm but refusing to break rank. Kate fought confusion and wondered if she was hallucinating. “W-w-what are you doing here? W-w-where’s your Jag?”

“I parked it up the street. I was afraid you wouldn’t come inside if you saw it.”

“How did you g-g-get in?”

“Arilyn took pity on me. Said she keeps your key in case you need help with Robert.”

Robert panted as if waiting for the big reveal. Kate shook her head, her emotions too raw and bloody to fight. “P-p-please don’t do this to me,” she whispered. “I c-c-c—” Frustrated, her stutter took over and shut down her brain and her calm. The words got stuck in her throat, refusing to emerge, and her body shook for control. He waited her out, not interrupting, not trying to finish her sentence, and finally the inner music and calm broke through the block. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“I know. I won’t. I’ll never do anything to hurt you again, Kate. I just want you to listen to me, though I don’t deserve shit from you. Not after what I pulled.”

Robert wiggled his chest, then settled.

“I wasn’t prepared for you, for what I felt. My entire life and career all I’ve known is not to get stuck in the endless cycle of broken relationships I see day in and day out. I thought I was smart and honest and real by denying them. But I was stupid and scared instead. I love you. I love you with everything I’ve got, and I’m not going away. This time, I’m going to fight for you, beg for your forgiveness, prove my worth. I’m not going anywhere ever again, until one day you can look into my face and trust me completely. Know that I’m not running and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”