Jennifer Probst - Searching for Someday

Her mouth opened and closed. She never imagined Arilyn would agree to help her lose her virginity, but her words brought a strange sense of clarity. Could that be the solution? Her body quaked with terror and something else. Something she hated to define, but it was more like . . . excitement.

Kennedy jumped in. “You’re blocked. Open yourself up to a sexual experience with Slade, and I bet your abilities will come rushing back.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Arilyn asked gently. “Slade? Losing your virginity? Or losing your control?”

Kate shuddered. “All of it.”

“Then it’s time to find out what will happen if you give up that control. Remember the yoga classes we take? Control is only an illusion to calm yourself into believing things will go a certain way. Give up the control, let life lead, and you will find a rich discovery.”

“And endless orgasms,” Kennedy piped up.

Kate smothered a laugh. “God, I can’t believe I’m seriously considering this. I set him up with another date tonight. Things with Hannah didn’t go well. He said she’s too perfect. Then he went out with Emma and said he was missing some spark he couldn’t name.”

“Hmm, interesting. Who’s the new date with?” Ken asked.

Kate winced. “Elena.”

Arilyn shook her head. “Oh, this is bad. She’s pretty assertive with men she finds a connection with. The complete opposite of Hannah and Emma. If you were looking to push him into bed with someone else, you found your girl.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Elena was known to make men crazy with lust and lead them on a chase. In a way, she was perfect for igniting Slade’s love of the hunt. The idea of Elena touching him with her hungry gaze made her nauseous. But in a way, wasn’t she throwing him a test? If he buckled to Elena’s sexuality, he’d prove two things. Breaking the rule of sex before monogamous dating. And confirming he only sought the challenge of a chase.

If he failed, she’d prove he wasn’t the one.

If he passed, she may not have any other barriers to hide.

“You can still call him, you know,” Kennedy offered. “Tell him you want him. Bet he’d cancel the date with Elena.”

Kate dragged in a deep breath. “No, this needs to be played out. Maybe Elena and he will be better suited for each other. She calls to his primitive side, but she’s super smart. She’s also a career woman, and Slade enjoys battling wit to wit. Maybe I’ll have my answer tonight.”

Arilyn and Kennedy shared a look. “Or maybe you won’t have anywhere else to run.”

The statement echoed her own thoughts.

As she thanked her friends and walked out of the room, Kate wondered if it was already too late.

SLADE CLOSED THE DOOR behind him. The silence of his home descended in a deafening air that mocked his decision to send Elena away. He turned and studied the empty rooms.

When he left his marriage behind him, he longed for peace. Stability. His failure in the institution mocked him, so he focused his energies on helping others who were betrayed and had no advocates. When he lost his parents, Jane became his sole responsibility. He tried to care for her but also failed to protect her from the heartbreak the world cruelly threw out.

The lesson was clear. Nothing lasted, and one needed to prepare for the eventual pain of a broken relationship. He figured letting Kinnections try to set him up with a companion who could fit seamlessly into his life and share his company took most of the messiness away. He didn’t believe it would actually work, but at least the goal was clear. Until one woman wrecked all of his expectations.

Kate.

She ignited all the hidden instincts long buried. When was the last time he dragged a woman into a corner with the purpose of kissing her senseless? Her constant insistence he belonged with another pissed him off and caused a hurt he didn’t want to examine. As soon as Elena climbed off her Harley, shook out her hair, and gave him a knowing grin, he’d known where the night headed. Sure, Kate warned him he needed to actually enjoy a woman’s company on a few dates before jumping into bed. But Elena was different. She exuded a sensual vibe that said they were two grown adults and could do what they wanted. On their terms.

She was also interested.

His body mildly reacted, but within a few minutes he’d remained cold. He was terrified no one would ever be able to match the electric chemistry he shared with the woman who didn’t want him. Slade wined and dined her, surprised at her engaging conversation and wicked sense of humor. Once again, he admitted that Kate got him right. He did need someone less than perfect, and the layers Elena offered intrigued him even more than Hannah. More than Emma.

But she wasn’t Kate.

When Elena refused to wait and kissed him, he’d kissed her back. Tried desperately to work up enough interest to take her to bed. It would be good for both of them and finally show Kate that he was done playing games.

Until he realized Elena was just a poor imitation of the only woman he wanted.

He pushed her away with regret. She studied his face, understood, and left in a roar on her badass Harley bike. Like a chump, he watched her leave and now stood alone in his magnificent home, with no wife, no dog, no lover, and an endless mocking silence.

No more.

The rage and frustration took root and flowered. He was done sitting around and waiting for something that wasn’t coming. He’d told her she needed to come to him, on her terms, but if he didn’t take what he wanted—what they both wanted—he’d continue on an endless path of dates that had no meaning and implode from frustration.

Slade grabbed his keys and went to claim her.

KATE ROLLED OVER FOR the hundredth time and shoved the sheets back. Sweat beaded her body, and her skin was oversensitive to any fabric, even the soft cotton of her T-shirt. Her core throbbed and wept for relief that no hot pink ginormous vibrator could ever satisfy. Images of Slade and Elena making love in his bed tortured her vision. She anticipated his call, detailing his meal and telling her to try again.

Tonight, the phone remained silent.

With a low curse, she sat up and ripped off her shirt, hating even the slight brush of contact against her swollen breasts. She was being punished and it was a doozy. She’d pushed him into the arms of another woman, afraid to claim him for herself, and now it was too late.

The clock digits shone in neon green. Midnight. Robert whimpered from his spot in his orthopedic bed. As if he was also disturbed by her inability to sleep, he shifted fitfully in a drive to get comfortable. Kate sighed and sat up. Maybe she’d put on a movie. Or fire up her iPad and read. Anything but keep thinking about Slade naked with someone other than her.

Loser.

She kicked off the covers and trudged topless into the living room. She grabbed a bottle of water, turned on the reading lamp, and heard the noise.

Kate froze. What the hell? Adrenaline rushed through her and she jumped for the phone to call 911 when the doorbell rang.

Tiptoeing to the door, she peered out the sidelights.

Slade stared back at her.

Kate jerked back with a gasp. What was she going to do?

“I saw you, Kate. Let me in. Now.”

She bit her lip and pondered. This was not a good idea. “It’s midnight,” she hissed through the door.

“I know what time it is. I’m freezing, open the frickin’ door.”

Crap, she was naked! She grabbed the afghan from the chair, wrapped it around her like a toga, and slid open the lock.

He walked in like he owned the place and her. His gaze took in her makeshift outfit, probing the loose holes of the blanket and uncovering the skin beneath. Her nipples hardened instantly. A dangerous air of masculine temper sparked the air, the surge of testosterone wrapping her in a spell that dragged her back to basic instincts desperate to escape years of civility. To mate. To give.