Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

I’m crushed, but in reality I kind of expected this from her. I knew getting her back wasn’t going to be this easy but I’ll let her go for now. Tonight just proved that we aren’t over and I refuse to give up. Jaylinn was right; I had to let her go. Now I just need to wait for Hailey to realize she still needs me.

October

Two months later...

The final stage of my breakup: Joy and Love.

I’ve let go of the bad memories as the new ones start to take over. Good things are going to happen for me from here on out.

I sit straight up from a dead sleep, breathing heavy, with sweat dripping down my face. The same dream replays every night, over and over again. Mason taking me to his house and making love to me on his living room floor. No matter what I do I can’t stop the dreams. It doesn’t even help that I haven’t spoken to him in two months.

When I woke up after making love with Mason I was so pissed at myself. I can’t believe I let that happen. I was so stupid for even going with him.

I called MacKenzie and asked her to pick me up. She laughed at me but agreed.

When I got in her car a few minutes later she said, “I bet you will be home before Christmas.”

I looked at her like she was crazy. The pregnancy hormones were affecting her thinking.

“I will not. That should have never happened. I should be pissed at you because you know I have a problem telling him no.”

She giggled. “The old Mason is back.”

The next morning I woke up to Ryder climbing all over me. I played around with him for a few minutes before going downstairs. Jaylinn, Cooper and MacKenzie were sitting around the kitchen table and Mason and Hunter were in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

“Morning sunshine.” Jaylinn greeted me.

“Bitch.” I said quietly because I was holding Ryder and didn’t want him picking up any bad words.

Jaylinn and MacKenzie laughed. Cooper had a smirk on his face that I wanted to slap off.

“Should I call a moving company now?” Cooper asked.

I gave him the evil eye and he laughed. “Not happening.” I snuck a quick glance at Mason and he wore the same smirk his brother did. I guess everyone knew what happened. It’s a little embarrassing that everyone knew my business but they all know us so well. We’re either hot or cold, nothing in the middle. Our clothes are off or on. I laugh to myself; I should have known that was going to happen.

With everything that has been going on these last few months I decided to take the fall semester off. There was just no way I couldn’t concentrate.

Logan and I speak only when we need to; he no longer fixes me a plate at dinner or gets my coffee ready in the mornings. We never talked about the night he brought that girl home, the night we had our silent little fight. I guess we really didn’t need to. It’s awkward living with Logan now.

Ryder’s first birthday is this weekend so I’m going home. I was kind of hoping Cole would pick me up since I haven’t talk with him much lately but he’s on the road with the band and wasn’t in town this weekend, so Jaylinn is coming to pick me up again.

I finish packing a bag and stuff a few extra outfits in there, just in case. Jaylinn arrives just before noon; I’m in the middle of paying some bills online so she comes in for a few minutes. When I finish there is another bag packed and sitting next to the one I’ve already done. I eye Jaylinn.

“Just in case.” She shrugs and picks up the bags.

“Jay,”

“I’ve got soccer practice that starts this week so you might need to stay a few extra days.” She says.

I roll my eyes, “I have work and you know you’re gonna make sure I get home. You always do.”

Jaylinn smiles and walks out of the room.

I make Jaylinn stop at the drug store before we go to MacKenzie’s, I need to pick up a card because I had forgotten one when I picked up Ryder’s gift. Jaylinn offers to go in with me but I tell her to stretch her legs out and I’d be right back. I don’t want her to see what else I have to pick up. I’m not ready for anyone to see it.

I get everything I need and head to MacKenzie’s house. We are all sitting around chatting and catching up. Everything is normal, like I still live here in Jersey, the jokes still go around and it’s fun times. Mason is watching me like a hawk and it makes me uncomfortable but I put on my game face and ignore him. All the boys, including Ryder and Alex leave to go and get pizza for dinner so it’s only me, Jaylinn, MacKenzie and Chloe. I break out into a sweat thinking about what’s in my bag upstairs.

“What’s going on with you?” Chloe asks.

“Huh?”

MacKenzie narrows her eyes at me. “You’re glowing. What’s up?”

I look everywhere but at them. They are going to know the second I do. “Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jaylinn tucks her legs under her, “Did you meet a guy?”

I shake my head.

MacKenzie starts laughing and playfully hits Jaylinn in the arm. “It’s Mason.”

Chloe rolls her eyes, “Of course it’s Mason.”

I nod.

MacKenzie stops laughing suddenly and her mouth falls open. I flush, cheeks burning hot. I bite my lower lip waiting to see if she says what I think she’s about to.

Jaylinn’s eyes are bouncing back and forth between MacKenzie and me.

“Oh shit.” Chloe says softly.

“What?” Jaylinn questions, “What the hell is going on?”

I stand up and walk to the kitchen, suddenly feeling very thirsty. I turn my back away from the girls gawking at me.

I hear a bunch of shuffling and footsteps and suddenly all three pairs of wide eyes are staring at me, jaws dropped to the floor.

“You’re pregnant!” All three girls yell at once.

I take a drink of water from my glass. I don’t answer because I’m scared shitless. I don’t know if they are excited, upset, disappointed or what.

“Hails,” MacKenzie starts, “Look at me.”

I meet her eyes. “You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You haven’t taken a test?” Chloe asks.

“No.” My heart rate speeds up.

“But you got one earlier at the store. That’s why you made me stop?” Jaylinn speaks up.

“Yeah.”

“You. Now. Upstairs.” MacKenzie orders.

The alarm beeps, signaling that a door has opened. My eyes go wide. Jaylinn pushes MacKenzie and me upstairs. “Go. Chloe and I’ve got this.”

MacKenzie waddles her pregnant little ass upstairs and I follow behind. We walk into the guest bedroom and MacKenzie stands near the door. “Grab it and let’s go to my bathroom.”

I grab the test and follow her. MacKenzie shuts the door behind us and I go into the bathroom. My whole body starts to shake. I feel like I’m about to throw up.

MacKenzie comes in and shuts the bathroom door. “Take a couple of deep breaths.” I turn to her soothing voice. “It’s going to be okay, Hails. Why haven’t you called me about this?”

Breathe in, breathe out. “Because I was stupid. I didn’t even think about Mason not using a condom until one night I woke up and realized I never got my period.”

MacKenzie smiles, “You know this changes everything right?”

Breathe in, breathe out. My nerves are still going crazy but I feel a little calmer. “I know. I haven’t talked to him since his birthday weekend, Kenzie. I have no idea what he’s been up to. Is he seeing someone? Does he hate me? All these questions are running through my head.”