E. Blair - Falling

I head up to the bar to give Max the prints of the photos I took of his son a few days ago, and when I walk in, I see Jase sitting at the bar, talking to Mel.

“Hey, Ryan. I didn’t think you were coming in today,” Mel says as I walk over to them.

“I just needed to drop some stuff off with Max,” I tell her and then look at Jase, asking, “How are you doing, man?”

“Good. Just waiting on Mark to get out of an interview.”

“How’s all that going?”

“I got a job offer yesterday, so I’m good to go. Just hoping that Mark gets this one because it’s the firm he really wants,” he tells me.

“Congrats, man. That’s great. So when do you start?”

“Next week.”

Knowing that Candace should be moving soon, I ask because I guess I like to torture myself, “When does she move?”

I don’t even need to say her name when he tells me, “Friday morning.”

It’s hard to imagine that she’ll be in New York City, all alone, in three days. It’s always been her dream to dance with the company that she signed on with, and I’m happy that she’s doing this for her and no one else. It’s something she’s always wanted and to have this opportunity in life, to see your dreams through, is an amazing thing, and I’m so proud of her. I honestly never thought she would ever move away like she is, all by herself. It’s hard for me to imagine her in a place where she’s okay to do this on her own. The girl that was always so scared of crowds and going out. Timid and paranoid. I worry about her.

“Could you do me a favor?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Are you taking her to the airport?”

When he nods his head yes, I ask, “Will you give me a call when she’s gone?”

The pity in his eyes irritates me, but I expect it. There’s no doubt that this girl makes me weak. She always has. She softened me up because she was so delicate, and I loved that about her, that she could do that to me.

“You sure?” Jase asks.

“I’m sure.”

“Alright,” he says as he stands up. “I gotta get going. Mark should be at my place soon.”

As he walks out, Mel comes back over after giving the two of us space to talk.

“Mel,” I sigh out on an exasperated breath.

“You look like you need a drink.”

“When did life get so damn depressing?” I ask her with a slight laugh.

“You’re asking me?” she responds as she hands me a beer. “All I know is, I’m over it.”

Her expression mirrors mine, and I know something is weighing on her.

“Talk to me.”

The place is dead with it being early in the day, so she takes a seat next to me.

“Zane wants a divorce,” she tells me.

“What?”

She nods and says, “Yeah. I got the papers a few days ago.”

“Shit,” I mutter. “I’m sorry.”

When she shrugs her shoulders, she tells me, “We just grew apart, you know? Maybe it was me. Music was always his life; I just never thought that he would make anything big out of it, so I never considered it in our path in life. But that’s not the life I want.”

“So now what?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbles.

Taking a swig of my beer, I say, “Yeah, me neither.”

It’s Friday, and I’m sitting around dreading the call that I asked for. Why do I do this shit to myself? I tried to keep busy by working on some photo editing from a shoot I was hired to do for a portfolio, but my head just wasn’t in it. So now I’m killing the minutes, surfing around on the internet when my cell finally rings, causing a quick drop in my gut.

Seeing Jase’s name on the screen, I take the call that I should have never sought.

“Hey,” I say quietly.

“Hey, man. I just got back to my apartment. Sorry it took so long to call; I had to take Kimber back home.”

“So you got her dropped off?”

“Yeah. She should be boarding now.”

“How was she?” I ask.

“Nervous as expected, but this is what she’s been working so hard for, so I know she’s excited.”

Feeling the welling of sadness, I rush off the phone, needing to just drown in this for a while.

“Thanks for calling, I’ll catch you later,” I tell him before hanging up and leaning back in my desk chair as I stare up at the ceiling.

I’m completely drained, and to finally have the book closed on this may be what I’ve been needing. With her on the other side of the country, maybe I can finally let it go. Let go of the hope that died months ago when I woke up to find her gone. The hope I was determined to keep alive when it was already dead.

Needing to get out of the house. I start heading upstairs to change my clothes for a run, but as soon as I hit the top step, there’s a ringing at my door. I look out the windows and see a cab pulling out of my driveway, and when I go back downstairs to open the door, all that hope comes back to life.

She’s beautiful, even though she’s crying, as she stands on my doorstep.

“What are you doing here? I just got off the phone with Jase. He said he dropped you off at the airport.”

“I can’t go. I’m so sorry. I can’t do it,” she cries and with each word I feel the ever-vacant part of my heart filling up.

“What do you mean you can’t do it?”

“Because . . . I love you too much to leave. And I miss you. And I made a huge mistake by leaving you. I’m so sorry,” she continues to cry, and I don’t even waste a second, pulling her into my arms where she was always meant to be.

“Baby, you didn’t make any mistakes.”

“I did. And I know I hurt you. But, I’m so sorry. I can’t go because I can’t leave you. I don’t want to leave you.”

Pulling her inside and taking her to the couch, I feel the weight of what she’s doing pile on, and tell her, “I can’t let you give up on your dream. I can’t.”

“But, it’s not my dream,” she says in her unwavering confessions. “I was just hanging on to it because I was scared to see that it really wasn’t what I wanted. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

Covering her lips with mine, I hold on to her as she climbs onto my lap, straddling her legs across me, and gives me what I’ve been dying for. I kiss her hard, in disbelief that this is even happening.

“I’ve missed you so much, babe,” I tell her when I pull back and look into her eyes. “You have no fucking idea.”

“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid and wasted all this time when all I really wanted was to be here with you.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I fucked up. I hurt you, and you’ll never know how much I regret it.”

“I don’t blame you, Ryan. I did, but I don’t anymore. I just want to be with you.”

Her words mend all that was broken inside of me, and I cling to each one, desperate for this, and tell her, “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

“You won’t. I’m yours.”

That’s all I need to hear. I don’t give a shit that it took her this long to realize it because I have her.

She’s mine.

This time when I kiss her, I bring her in slow because I intend on taking my time to make up for all that we lost. With her soft lips pressed against mine, I’m taken back to a place where the pain of losing her doesn’t exist. With her hands on my face, I stand, picking her up with me as she loops her legs around me. When I get her upstairs, I lay her down on the bed, needing the smell of her all over my sheets—all over me.

Hovering over her, I slip off my shirt, and when I do, she slowly sits up as I rest back on my heels. I watch as she takes her hand and brushes her fingers along my scar. A scar that doesn’t even amount to the pain I felt when I lost her.