Colleen Hoover - Losing Hope

This is exactly what I didn’t want her to feel. I hug her. “I know, babe. I know.”

She clings to my shirt and I tighten my grip, but push her away as soon as her bedroom door swings open.

“Sky?” Karen says, watching us from the doorway.

Karen looks at me, trying to figure out why I’m here. She turns back to Sky. “Sky? What . . . what are you doing?”

Sky spins back around and looks me desperately in the eyes. “Get me out of here,” she begs in a whisper. “Please.”

I nod, then stand up and walk to her closet. I don’t know where she wants to go, but I know she’ll need clothes. I find a duffel bag on the top shelf, then walk it to her bed. “Throw some clothes in here. I’ll get what you need out of the bathroom.”

She nods and heads to her closet while I head into her bathroom to grab whatever else she might need. Karen is pleading with her not to leave. When my hands are full, I walk out of the bathroom and Karen has her hands on Sky’s shoulders.

“What are you doing? What’s wrong with you? You’re not leaving with him.”

I walk around Karen and try to remain as calm as possible for all of our sakes. “Karen, I suggest you let go of her.”

Karen spins around, shocked at my words. “You are not taking her. If you so much as walk out of this house with her, I’m calling the police.”

I don’t say anything. I’m not sure if Sky wants her to know that she knows the truth, so I do my best to refrain from saying what I’ve wanted to say to Karen since the moment I realized she’s the one responsible. I zip the duffel bag and reach for Sky’s hand. “You ready?”

She nods.

“This isn’t a joke!” Karen yells. “I’ll call the police! You have no right to take her!”

Sky reaches into my pocket and pulls out my cell phone, then steps toward Karen. “Here,” she says. “Call them.”

She’s testing Karen. Her wheels are churning as fast as mine and she’s hoping she can prove that Karen is innocent in all of this. It makes my heart break for her, because I know Karen isn’t innocent. This is only going to end badly.

Karen refuses to take the phone and Sky grabs her hand and shoves the phone into her palm. “Call them! Call the police, Mom! Please ,” she says. Sky’s eyebrows draw apart and she pleads desperately, one last time. “Please,” she whispers.

I can’t watch Sky endure this for another second, so I grab her hand and lead her to the window, then help her climb out of it.

I lift my head off the pillow and immediately cover my eyes. The afternoon sun is so bright, it’s painful. I pry my arm from around her and quietly lift off the bed.

I somehow managed the whole drive to Austin last night. I don’t think I could have stayed awake another minute, so I pulled over at the first hotel we could find. It was daytime when we finally made it to our room, so we both took turns showering, then crashed. She’s been asleep for over six hours now and I know how much she needs it.

I softly brush the hair away from her cheek and lean down and kiss it. She pulls her arm out from under the blanket and looks up at me with tired eyes. “Hey,” she whispers, somehow smiling despite everything she’s going through.

“Shh,” I say, not wanting her to wake up just yet. “I’m about to leave for a little while to get us something to eat. I’ll wake you when I get back, okay?”

She nods and closes her eyes, then rolls back over.

After we finish eating, she walks to the bed and slips on her shoes. “Where you headed?” I ask her.

She ties her shoes and stands up, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I want to go for a walk,” she says. “And I want you to go with me. I’m ready to start asking questions.”

I give her a quick kiss, then grab the key and head to the door. “Then let’s go.”

We eventually make our way to the hotel courtyard and take a seat in one of the cabanas. I pull her to me. “You want me to tell you what I remember? Or do you have specific questions?”

“Both,” she says. “But I want to hear your story first.”

I kiss her on the side of the head, then rest my head against hers while we stare out over the courtyard. “You have to understand how surreal this feels for me, Sky. I’ve thought about what happened to you every single day for the past thirteen years. And to think I’ve been living two miles away from you for seven of those years? I’m still having a hard time processing it myself. And now, finally having you here, telling you everything that happened . . .”

I sigh, remembering back to that day. “After the car pulled away, I went into the house and told Les that you left with someone. She kept asking me who, but I didn’t know. My mother was in the kitchen, so I went and told her. She didn’t really pay any attention to me. She was cooking supper and we were just kids. She had learned to tune us out. Besides, I still wasn’t sure anything had happened that wasn’t supposed to happen, so I didn’t sound panicked or anything. She told me to just go outside and play with Les. The way she was so nonchalant about it made me think everything was okay. Being so young, I was positive adults knew everything, so I didn’t say anything else about it. Les and I went outside to play and another couple of hours had passed by when your dad came outside, calling your name. As soon as I heard him call your name, I froze. I stopped in the middle of my yard and watched him standing on his porch, calling for you. It was that moment that I knew he had no idea you had left with someone. I knew I did something wrong.”

“Holder,” she interrupts. “You were just a little boy.”

Yeah. A little boy who was old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. “Your dad walked over to our yard and asked me if I knew where you were.” This is where it gets hard for me. This is the point I realized the awful mistake I had made. “Sky, you have to understand something,” I say to her. “I was scared of your father. I was just a kid and knew I had just done something terribly wrong by leaving you alone. Now your police chief father is standing over me, his gun visible on his uniform. I panicked. I ran back into my house and ran straight to my bedroom and locked the door. He and my mother beat on the door for half an hour, but I was too scared to open it and admit to them that I knew what happened. My reaction worried both of them, so he immediately radioed for backup. When I heard the police cars pull up outside, I thought they were there for me. I still didn’t understand what had happened to you. By the time my mother coaxed me out of the room, three hours had already passed since you left in the car.”

She can feel how much this hurts me to talk about. She pulls one of her hands out of the sleeve of her shirt and places it in mine.

“I was taken to the station and questioned for hours. They wanted to know if I knew the license plate number, what kind of car took you, what the person looked like, what they said to you. Sky, I didn’t know anything . I couldn’t even remember the color of the car. All I could tell them was exactly what you were wearing, because you were the only thing I could picture in my head. Your dad was furious with me. I could hear him yelling in the hallway of the station that if I had just told someone right when it happened, they would have been able to find you. He blamed me. When a police officer blames you for losing his daughter, you tend to believe he knows what he’s talking about. Les heard him yelling, too, so she thought it was all my fault. For days, she wouldn’t even talk to me. Both of us were trying to understand what had happened. For almost six years we lived in this perfect world where adults are always right and bad things don’t happen to good people. Then, in the span of a minute, you were taken and everything we thought we knew turned out to be this false image of life that our parents had built for us. We realized that day that even adults do horrible things. Children disappear. Best friends get taken from you and you have no idea if they’re even alive anymore.