Erin McCarthy - Believe

“I can’t go, can I?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“No. That’s not a good idea. Does Phoenix know? You need to give him a heads-up or you might be losing a boyfriend tonight.”

Again I couldn’t tell if she was sympathetic or if she was just thinking out loud. Sniffling, I nodded. “Phoenix knows. I told him what happened.”

Jess looked surprised. “You told him? But you didn’t tell me?” Her tone was hurt. “I asked you point-blank what happened at that party and you told me nothing. This was a whole lot more than nothing.”

“How could I tell you?” I asked, agonized. “Then I would have just put you in the worst position ever. If you kept the secret and Kylie found out, then she might hate you for that. If you told her then she would be devastated. I couldn’t do that to you, force you to keep my secret. It was my horrible mistake and I thought if I just kept a lid on it, eventually it wouldn’t matter anymore.”

“I see your point, but truthfully, Robin, I don’t even know what to think.” Jessica grabbed her purse and headed for the stairs. “Maybe you and Phoenix should stay here tonight and I’ll take Kylie to my place. She needs time.”

“Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

Then she left and I was alone.

Sitting on the floor, face itchy and wet with tears, nose running, throat scratchy, heart breaking, I yanked off my cowboy boots. I thought about texting Phoenix to come over but knew that was selfish. He never got to hang out with his cousins and he was tonight. I didn’t want to ruin that. But the room was so silent, no fridge upstairs to hum, no windows open to traffic, no clock to tick. It was just me and my thoughts, going around and around, thoughts of Kylie never speaking to me again. Thoughts of Jessica and Rory never speaking to me again. Thoughts of Kylie, her heart breaking, the pain she was feeling. So sure that her boyfriend loved her, only to find out he clearly didn’t.

When my boyfriend had cheated on me, it had hurt like hell and that had been high school, that had been a two-month relationship, and by cheat I meant he kissed another girl at a party. Not this. Not betrayal on this level after a year of dating. Kylie and Nathan basically lived together.

And yet, he had done this.

And I had done that.

My eyes fell on the vodka bottle, left on the coffee table. I turned away, texting Jessica and Rory.

Neither answered.

Instead I got a text from Nathan that said, “Fucking cunt. Why did u tell her?”

Closing my eyes, I felt new tears prick at the back of my lids, and I listened to the silence grow louder and louder, my ears ringing.

When I opened my eyes the vodka was still there, shiny and large and within reach of my hand.

If I drank it, I would feel better. The pain, the shame, would ease up. But then tomorrow I would feel worse.

But if I drank it, I would feel better now. And tomorrow I would feel even worse.

But if I drank it, I would feel better now . . .

I reached for the bottle.

“Why do they call it Girls’ Night?” Nathan asked. “Why does it have to have a title? We don’t call it Guys’ Night when we hang out.”

Truth was, I didn’t give a shit what anyone called any of it. All I knew was that I had been planning on hanging out with my cousins while Robin was with her roommates. I hadn’t bargained on spending a night in the company of Nathan, who I couldn’t fucking stand. I was glad that Robin was feeling comfortable hanging out with her friends, and I had encouraged her to have fun, go dancing or whatever.

But I think it was safe to say she was having a hell of a lot more fun than I was.

We were at Zeke’s, a neighborhood bar, and Tyler and Riley knew the owner/bartender. I didn’t mind being in a bar. There was a pool table and a jukebox and a TV, plus the point was to talk to each other, right? At least as much as dudes do.

What I did mind was Nathan, aka Dickhead, running his mouth the entire time. He was a bragger, and he flirted with every woman who walked in the door, most of who were well past the point of cougar status. They were like . . . I don’t know . . . meerkats? Though maybe the label shouldn’t apply at all, since they weren’t the ones in pursuit, Nathan was, making a point of waving and smiling to every woman on every stool as he strolled to the pool table with Tyler.

“I don’t know how long I can hang with this,” I told Riley.

“What, being in a bar?”

“Douche lord over there,” I said, jerking my thumb toward Nathan. “I know he’s one of Tyler’s best friends, but he rubs me the wrong way.”

“He’s not my favorite either. I think they’re friends still because they’ve been friends since middle school. Nathan has gotten a bit big for his britches since he went to college. At least Tyler stopped letting that loser Grant troll around. I couldn’t stand that waste of space.”

“Grant?” I had a vague memory of a skinny kid who wouldn’t look anyone in the eye. “Is he the one who slashed the teacher’s tires and got arrested with the knife still in his hand?”

“That’s the one.”

“Tyler needs better friends.” I sipped my root beer from the bottle.

“Yeah, well, slim pickings in the neighborhood.”

“True that.” It wasn’t like I’d kept in touch with anyone from school. “The guys at the shop are cool. Normal.”

Riley laughed and threw back his whiskey. “What the hell is that?”

“I think maybe for the first time ever you and I are basically living it,” I said. “No drama. Feels awesome, doesn’t it?” Nothing but work and Robin and family . . . peace and quiet. We’d been together a month and going stronger than ever. Good stuff.

“It sure does.” Riley gave me a grin. “Got some good news today, too. At Jessica’s insistence, and okay, as a result of Jessica doing all the paperwork, the bank let me refinance at a lower interest rate. They rolled the back-owed money into a new loan, but the payments are still the same. With me, Jess, and Tyler all working, we can afford it, so we get to keep the house.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. Seriously.” I was impressed with how Riley had managed to create a life for himself and his brothers. I reached out and gave him a fist bump.

“God knows it’s not exactly where I want to live, but there is no way we could have that space for as little money if we rent anywhere else. And I don’t have to switch Easton’s school or upset his life anymore than it already has been. And in ten years, I’ll own that dump clear and free.” He raised his glass and grinned. “It makes a man proud.”

“It should. You done good, man.”

I was about to say more, but suddenly there was a loud crash. We whirled around and saw Nathan throwing a pole stick across the bar, a look of fury on his face. Both Riley and I jumped up as we saw Tyler holding his hand out and murmuring to Nathan.

“What’s going on?” Riley asked. “It’s just a game, man.”

“This isn’t over pool,” Nathan said through gritted teeth. “Kylie just broke up with me.”

“What?”

I hung back, on edge, arms crossed.

“In a five-second phone conversation.” He raked his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth before rounding and pointing a finger at me. “It’s that bitch Robin’s fault!”

Oh, hell no. He was not going to fucking go there with me. I dropped my arms and took a step toward him. “Excuse me?” I asked, my voice steely cold.

Zeke appeared between us and gave Riley an apologetic look. “Dude, you need to take him out,” he said, tilting his head toward Nathan. “You know you’re always welcome, but he broke the pool stick and that ain’t cool.”