Jillian Dodd - Hate Me

“Ohhh, how are you going to celebrate?”

I shrug and smile.

“Have you guys yet?” she asks. “Are you going to for his birthday?”

“We haven't yet. I want to wait. What about you and Bryce?”

“We've done everything but. He needs to ask me to be his girlfriend and go to Winter Formal before I will.”

“Has he said anything about it?”

“Not really, but every time someone gets asked, he asks me if I thought the way it happened was cool.”

“What do you want him to do?”

“Just something that shows he put some thought into it.” She lies down. “I’m going to take a nap. Oh, and if I'm not home in the morning, I'll be at Bryce’s.”

“Sounds good.”

I'm brushing my teeth when my phone rings with a call from B.

“Hey! Happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” he says. “And thanks for the presents. The skateboard is wicked sweet.”

He's saying the right things, but there's something in his voice. Something’s off.

“What's wrong, B?”

“There was something weird delivered today. Before I opened it, I thought it was from you.”

“What was it? Was it from Vincent?”

“A Malibu Ken doll. It had a noose around its neck like it had been hanged.”

“That doesn't seem like something Vincent would send.”

“I don't think it was. I'm neck and neck with a real asshole in this weekend’s competition. We have a saying, like when we screw up, that we hung ourselves. I think maybe he's trying to psyche me out. I'm getting ready to go out there. Look, I'm sorry I couldn't help you on the takeover. Um, and, well, there's something else.”

“What?”

“I’m pretty sure I'm being followed.”

“Did you tell Garrett?”

“Well, the security dudes. They've seen him too. It's just all messing with my head.”

“B,” I say softly, “do you remember when we were in Biarritz? When those local guys were giving you shit about how big the waves were? Do you remember what you told me before you went out there?”

“That I'd find control in the chaos.”

“Exactly. The waves were crashing. The guys were saying you couldn't do it. But you went out there and found a wave you could control. That's what you need to do today.”

“Keats, you inspire me in a way no one else can.”

“You know in your heart that you can do it. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say it.”

I hear his name announced over a loudspeaker.

“I’m up.”

I hear him mutter, “Control in the chaos,” before he hangs up.

I get into bed, grabbing my laptop and plugging in my headphones so I don’t wake Katie, and do something I've yet to do.

I log into the live feed of the surf tournament and watch.

The swells are huge. The sky looks dark, like it could storm.

The announcer is loud. I turn the volume off, watch B paddle out, and quickly pop up on his board.

The wave he chose loves him.

He moves like he's part of a symphony of water, waves, and wind.

He shreds the wave. Owning it. Flipping in the air.

I can't even believe how much he's improved.

He comes out of the water with a huge grin, looking like the Brooklyn I loved for so long.

He gets a great score from the judges and throws his fist into the air.

Then a skinny, leggy blonde excitedly hugs him.

I didn't realize while I was watching him that tears were falling down my face.

And in this moment, I finally get the quote, A thing of beauty is a joy forever .

What B just did—minus the blonde—was truly a thing of beauty.

I send him a text.

Me: For the first time, I allowed myself watch you surf. You were amazing, B. I've never seen you do some of the things you did. Congrats. And I wish I was there to share some cake with you.

Control in the chaos.

1:30am

Katie leaves for Bryce's and ten minutes later I meet Riley, Dallas, and Aiden, who are leading Logan and Maggie up the hill. When we get near the chapel, they put pillowcases over Logan and Maggie’s heads and lead them the rest of the way.

We get them centered in the middle of the party room, and Dallas turns off the light.

“Take off your hoods, oh, chosen ones,” he says.

Riley continues. “What you are about to see will blow your mind. You must take an oath right now. Maggie, do you promise under penalty of death—”

“Death?” I say, amused.

“Fine,” Riley says. “Under penalty of losing all your friends and this amazing place, do you promise not to tell anyone what you've seen here tonight?”

“I promise,” she says.

After Logan offers his promise as well, Dallas flicks on the light.

“Holy shit! Where are we?” they ask.

“We’re on campus in a secure location.”

“This is amazing!” Logan says, running around the room like we did the first time we saw it.

Aiden shows them the founders’ poem.

“Alright, people, it's time for a toast,” Aiden says. He pours us each a beer from the keg and we raise them together. “To Stockton’s. Where membership has its privileges.”

“Hear, hear,” we all say.

“Aiden, I challenge you to a game of beer pong,” Riley says.

While I'm watching Aiden and Riley compete for the title of beer pong champion, Dallas says, “I think it's time to sample the herb.”

Aiden lets out a big whoop as he sinks a ping-pong ball in his last remaining cup of beer.

I cheer for him, then look down at my phone, which just buzzed.

B: Remember the cake on your birthday?

Aiden excitedly plops down next to me and sees my phone.

“Shark told me it's the Keats guy’s birthday today, too.”

“Yeah. I sent him some presents,” I say, looking down.

Aiden pushes my chin up. “You don't have to feel bad. I understand he's part of your life.”

“I don't want to ruin your birthday.”

“Trust me, I'd rather you tell me about it than use my imagination.”

“What would your imagination create?”

“The worse possible scenario.”

I look into his eyes questioningly.

“You in bed with him,” he says, the green of his eyes darkening.

“I watched a live feed of him surfing tonight. I haven't let myself do that before.”

“Why?”

I shake my head. “I’m not sure. Too hard, I guess.”

“You miss him.”

“We talked almost every day for two years, then, all at once, nothing.”

“How did he do?”

“He was amazing. Way better than before. He won his round.” I bite the edge of my lip and tap my foot.

Aiden puts his hand on my knee. “What else?”

“There was a girl. She ran out of the crowd and hugged him.”

“Did that bother you?”

“It’s weird. If I had a normal life then that girl would’ve been me.”

Aiden nods, and I can tell the idea upsets him.

So I tell him the rest. “But if I had a normal life, I never would’ve met you. Which makes me glad my life isn’t normal.”

Aiden is my control in the chaos, I realize.

He kisses me just like he did the very first time we kissed. When a simple kiss evoked visions of fairies and happily-ever-afters.

Now it invokes even more.

A deep-seated feeling that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Dallas plops down in a beanbag next to us. “You two are having entirely too serious of a conversation for this room.”

He takes a hit and passes Aiden the joint. Aiden takes a few puffs and passes it to me as everyone else joins us on the beanbags.

“This is way better than the Cave,” Logan says happily.

“And a lot warmer,” Maggie agrees, sliding onto a beanbag next to him.

I get up and change the music from a dance playlist to one with a slower vibe.