Jillian Dodd: Hate Me

Me: I wanna go home.

B: Me too. Tomorrow night <3

I stare at the heart until my eyes go fuzzy.

Then at Aiden, who’s now sleeping on his side, one strong arm curled above his head and the other hugging my waist.

That’s when the guilt sets in.

The guilt.

I feel guilty. Guilty for feeling the way I do about Aiden.

Guilty about the promises I’ve made to them both.

And guilty for feeling happy about the heart.

I shake my head as I message Garrett, telling myself to take it one step at a time.

Me: Meeting tomorrow. The usual place. 9:30am?

Garrett: I’ll be there.

I send the same message to Cooper.

Cooper: On your way back to school under protest?

Me: Something like that. Can we meet tonight, late? Say midnight? I need your help.

Cooper: See you then.

After getting all that set up, I do something I should’ve done on break. I shop for B’s birthday presents. Since his birthday is on the fourth, I don’t have time to ship them to me, wrap them, and ship them together, so I’ll just have them sent straight to his hotel.

I’m not sure what to get.

I end up with a big coffee table book on the history of surfing. On the card, I write, Surfing’s come a long way and so have you. I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished in such a short time. Happy Birthday, B. Love, Keats.

Next I decide on a Vuitton passport cover and add another note. So your passport looks as good as your luggage.

The last gift I order is a Sector 9 skateboard with an ocean wave design. For when you’re not on the water.

After getting all that taken care of, I close my eyes and start devising a new plan.

Different kinds of love.

5:30pm

Aiden carries my bags to my dorm, kisses me on the porch, then goes to unpack.

I open the door to my room, still trying to figure out how I’m going to fight Vincent from here, and interrupt Katie and Bryce making out on her bed.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, as Katie pulls her shirt down and Bryce fumbles with his pants. “Um, I’m just dropping off my bags! Talk to you later!” I drop my bags, shut the door, and decide to head over to the boys’ dorm to see if Dallas or Riley are back. I need a big hug from both of them.

As I walk the short distance to the dorm, I realize it’s freaking cold out and I’m not wearing a coat. I wrap my arms around myself and run as fast as I can in my sandals.

I rush down the hall and almost run into Dawson coming out of his room.

“You think you’re still on vacation? You must be freezing in that dress.”

“Yeah, well, Bryce and Katie were kinda busy in my room, so I didn’t get to change.”

He grabs my arm and pulls me into his room. “I always end up giving you my sweatshirts,” he says as he throws one at me.

“Thank you. How was your break?” I ask while pulling it over my head.

“I think I should be asking you that. I heard about Aiden showing up.”

“Yeah, that was a surprise. And an even bigger surprise that I let him come with me.”

Dawson pulls his sweatshirt strings in a familiar way, bringing me face to face with him. “You look hot. Tan and hot. But stressed. Still not getting any?”

I back away a little. “I’m not answering that question.”

He shrugs. “You don’t have too. I already know the answer.”

“You going to offer to take care of my stress?”

He smirks at me. “Actually, no.”

“Really? Did you meet someone or something?”

“Kinda. Someone I already knew. She was at our club this weekend. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she was upset.”

“Did you heal her broken heart?”

“From the inside out,” he says with a laugh, pulling me to sit on his bed with him.

I lean against his headboard, bring my knees up to my chest, and pull the sweatshirt down over them. “Really?”

“No, not really. She was too upset. It’s funny because it kinda reminded me of when we talked at the Cave that first night.”

“I wanted to fix your broken heart.”

“You did. So aren’t you gonna ask me about her?”

I grab his hands like I would one of my girlfriends, bounce on the bed, and giggle. “Yes, tell me all about her.”

“So this is what you’re resorting to?” Jake says, walking in through the bathroom. “Good thing I’m back so we can talk about all the dirty details.”

“Jake! I missed you! But I’m finally warm, so you’ll have to come over here and give me a hug.”

Jake waves his hands in the air, runs over to the bed on his tiptoes, and says in a high-pitched voice, “Monroe! I missed you too, girl. Did you and Aiden make whoopee yet?”

Dawson and I both laugh. “We’re discussing Dawson’s love life, not mine.”

“So does that mean you told her about Brooke?”

“Brooke?! Really? When she was going to wear your jersey, you told me she was practically married.”

Dawson raises his eyebrows. “Apparently, she was more married than he was. She thought they were going to have an amazing Thanksgiving reunion, but he stopped by her house, said he wanted to break up, and left.”

“Oh, that’s horrible, but I can totally relate. One night my ex took me out for a fancy dinner. I thought he was going to ask me out, but instead he told me he was leaving.”

“Girls always think things are more serious than they are,” Jake states with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, maybe if guys wouldn’t tell girls they love them when they don’t really love them that wouldn’t be an issue.”

“There’s lots of different kinds of love,” Dawson teases.

“And for most of you, it’s the kind of love that wants in their pants.”

“That’s why I never tell girls I love them,” Jake stresses.

“You’ve never told a girl that? But you’re so romantic—well, when you want to be.”

“That’s because I’m a good actor,” he says. “Of course, I can play that part. Speaking of that. I broke the news to my parents that I’m going to NYU. Got the acceptance letter and everything. Me and Dawes both.”

“That’s where you’re going, too? I’m so proud of you,” I say to Dawson.

He gives me a sweet grin. And I know that Jake is absolutely right. There are lots of different kinds of love. And I do love Dawson. Jake too, for that matter. “Tell me about Brooke.”

“Well, we kissed,” he says, actually looking happy about it.

“ Just kissed?”

“Yeah.”

“Whitney and Brooke don’t really get along well, do they?”

Jake rolls his eyes again, “Uh, no, they don’t. Speaking of that. Does anyone have the scoop on what went down with Chelsea? Is she coming back to school? What she did to you sucked.”

“I heard she’s coming back,” Dawson says. “Brooke said she was worried about how to handle it with the team.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t wanna be one of the head cheerleaders now,” Jake says. “She’s got her work cut out for her.”

“Honestly, the drama might be just what Brooke needs.”

“Why?” Dawson asks.

“Because, it will give her something to focus on besides her boy misery.”

Dawson slaps me on the shoulder and Jake says, “Monroe, I think you missed a step. Dawes wants to be the thing she focuses on.”

“Oh, well, good for you.”

“You’re not jealous?” Dawson says with a grin.

“I am so, so jealous. But I will try to hide my grief.”

I realize that, in a way, I’m kinda like Brooke. Eastbrooke might be just the thing to distract me, too.

When Dallas and Riley walk through the door, I’m very glad I’m back. I would have missed them terribly.